If there is one thing that is certain in this life it is change.
We are all creatures of comfort by default. Those who are not have likely conditioned themselves away from their innate tendencies. The brain gravitates towards convenience and comfort.
Interestingly enough, the brain also loves novelty! This is actually the birthplace of many addictions and the reason why porn can be so invasive. New content, genres and experiences are paradise for the human brain.
This is why life transitions can bring about great excitement and great fear.
When guys join DeepClean, they have typically undergone transitions.
Sometimes they are exciting transitions – a recent engagement/marriage, the birth of their firstborn child, a career change, a new city. Other times, they are harder transitions – separation, divorce, getting fired, etc.
Whether the transition is a blessing or a challenge, it is often these changes that drive men to realize they must...
Many recovery programs recommend abstaining from all forms of orgasm while you recover from porn addiction – that includes having sex. At DeepClean, we do not uphold that stance (with one exception). I have tremendous value for that approach, but we have a few very specific reasons that we choose a different way to handle the recovery process.
For starters, I want to be clear that I am talking to married people primarily (or those of you who intend to be married one day), because I believe that sex is for marriage. If you are unmarried (single, dating, or engaged) then I believe that abstaining from sex should be part of your recovery.
I am also fully aware that many Christian couples are not waiting to have sex today, and if you are in that camp, you should still read this article.
The basic mindset around avoiding sex during recovery is that your brain and body need a reset. Your body has become addicted to the orgasm – the climax of a sexual experience. So if you want...
Last month marked 6 years since my last relapse. I can hardly believe it!
In those 2200+ days, I have:
The list could go on.
Gee, thanks Sathiya… you wrote this post to brag about how great your life is now that you’re free of porn?
Not at all. But I STILL remember what it was like to be addicted. To be afraid of getting caught and losing my job. To enter into marriage with hidden baggage that could destroy our intimacy.
The sense of worthlessness and shame lingering every single day, especially after slips. And the pure frustration that my relationship with God was suffering as a result.
I’m often asked, “what’s the best thing about being free?” and the answer always comes back to the same thing: security. To be...
Whether you are single or in a relationship, men want to be attractive. We want to know that we are desirable and worthy of attention. Sometimes we fear that having these desires makes us vain or superficial, but the reality is they are innate. The question then is how can you be attractive? And the answer may surprise you.
When I was in ministry school, we had a module devoted to healthy relationships taught by a seasoned clinical psychologist from the south who worked for some of America's largest megachurches.
I was single at the time, so when he began talking about how to be attractive my ears perked up. He went on this long discourse about what a girl wants versus what a guy wants and what guys should be doing while they're single and so on. It was all really good.
Then he made this statement that CHANGED EVERYTHING.
"Men," he said with his southern drawl, "You may think that you need to have a fancy car, big salary, or nice hair to get yourself a pretty lady. But you're wrong....
About 11 years ago, I was in a season of personal renewal. I had committed my life to Jesus, surrendered my psychiatry dreams to pursue ministry, and was devouring ANYTHING in sight that would help me further my relationship with God.
My greatest fear in this season was that God would call me to be a local church pastor like my Dad. I love and respect my Dad, but I wanted to do something different if I was going to be in ministry.
This led me to an evening meeting at our church where a prophetic leader was brought in to minister. You may have different beliefs about modern prophecy than myself, I’m hoping you can put that aside so that you learn from this important story.
Below is the word that I was given…pay attention to the emphasized parts…
Whether you believe in prophecy or not, what I want you to see is that something was spoken over my life about what I could do and accomplish…11 years ago! And here we are today – nearly everything...
You may have heard of the abbreviation HALT, which is used to describe 4 conditions that impair your decision-making abilities (HALT = Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired). I have heard this term used in an addiction environment, but found it to be only partially useful. In the DeepClean community, we use the expression BLT, which seems to address the three most common conditions for relapse. If you understand BLT, then you can begin to prevent relapses from happening.
I should start by saying that BLT really is about articulating a STATE that you may find yourself in which leaves you vulnerable for porn consumption. While accounting for your environment is very important, it is likely not a complete solution in of itself. In addition to guarding against BLT, I highly recommend that you are doing the inner work necessary to resolve the roots of your addiction.
When we say avoid BLTS, we are specifically referring to situations where you are Bored, Lonely or Tired. These seem to be the...
It's well understood that drug addicts and alcoholics can experience nasty withdrawal symptoms when they start to get clean – shakes, shivers, agitation, cravings, etc. These are classic symptoms of substance addictions. What about behavioral addictions like porn? These kinds of addictions have their own set of withdrawals, and the better you understand them, the better you can prepare.
As we explore 5 of the most common withdrawal symptoms porn addicts experience, you must remember that these will not last forever. In fact, often after the first few weeks they subside and the positive effects of sobriety begin to sink in.
1) Mood – One of the most common withdrawal symptoms in any addiction is the impact on mood. Irritability, mood swings and depression are commonly experienced shortly after. If you were watching porn daily, you'll start to notice the mood swings even after a few days. If your consumption is weekly or a couple of times a month, it may take longer to...
I got completely caught off guard while interviewing on Frank’s Rich “The Superhuman Life” podcast recently.
I was sharing about The Last Relapse, observations about the recovery space at large, and some of the most effective tools/principles that have helped our guys recover over the years. It was more or less a smooth and clean interview.
Then at the end, Frank asked me, “So what’s something you never talk about on podcasts that you know would help my audience?”
I replied immediately by talking about what a great question that was and how nobody ever asked me that, etc. — all of it a covert way to buy me some time while I thought about my answer!
Somewhere in my ramblings, I had a moment of clarity – and I knew that what I was about to share was going to have some major ripples.
When I was studying medicine, there was a mantra that most of the students held: work hard, play hard. That meant studying day and night during the...
So you're struggling with porn, but your loved one doesn't know. You've wanted to tell them, but you know that it could create a mess. Or worse...they could leave you. This subject of disclosure has been a hot topic in the DeepClean world lately, so today's article is going to provide you a comprehensive guide for handling the process in an effective and appropriate way.
For starters, it's important to understand that "loved one" could mean a variety of things. In another article, we will address how to tell parents, friends, etc., but this article is primarily focused on how to tell a romantic partner about your addiction. I also would like to mention that it is 1000x better to confess than to get caught. What many men fear about disclosing their struggle (loss of relationship, extreme disappointment, causing anger/depression in spouse, etc) rarely happens when they choose to come clean. However, these worst-case scenarios become more likely when they are caught.
If you're in a...
At the time of writing this, 5 different men that I know of in the DeepClean community and elsewhere have had a disclosure conversation with their significant other in the last week. That’s a pretty big deal when you think about it.
Most of them chose to disclose because I asked them the question.
In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, disclosure is the term used to describe the process of informing another individual of your struggle and or/addiction. These are scary conversations to have, but they are paramount for recovery, and when they’re done appropriately, they are also very impactful.
Something I’ve observed over the years is that most men choose not to tell their wife/fiancée/girlfriend about their struggle out of fear – fear of rejection, fear of causing pain, fear of divorce/disconnection.
One gentleman in particular was adamant that if he told his wife, she would leave him. Plus, she was already struggling with her...
We consulted hundreds of conversations, dozens of recoveries, and several scientific studies to identify 5 KEY practices every recovered man implements. If you are looking to get started on the recovery journey, this guide is for you.