At the end of the day, the real question is – are you addicted? Sure you watch here and there...that doesn't mean you're addicted right? You can quit whenever you want, right? It just hasn't happened yet because "life got in the way"...right? The reality is that addiction often comes disguised and today's blog explains the REAL indicators of an addiction to pornography.
In addition to the flawed justifications ("at least my situation's not as bad as so-and-so"), enabling loved ones ("Oh it's not that bad. He's doing his best I'm sure"), and good intentions to deal with it one day ("It's just not great timing right now. If it's still around when XYZ happens, then I'll do something about it"), researchers are beginning to uncover more reliable indicators that a porn addiction is present.
While this may be an uncomfortable truth to broach, understanding your situation better means you will be able to find a more effective solution.
There are at least 3 indicators of porn...
I had no idea my life was about to change forever.
A while back I had the chance to be part of a business mastermind retreat in Austin, Texas and I’m still blown away at how it impacted me.
This gentleman in the photo, Michael Bernhoff, delivered one of the best talks I have ever witnessed in person.
In case you haven’t figured it out by now…I believe every lesson in life has an application to getting free of porn…this one is no exception.
The stories you tell yourself and the way you talk about your journey MATTER.
It’s one thing to say, “I’m struggling with porn. I just can’t get free”
Closed statements stop your brain from seeking solutions.
It’s another thing to say, “I’m working on finding a solution to eliminate porn from my life”
Small change, huge difference....
Same-sex attraction is becoming a more common subject in our community. What we are finding is that many Christian men experience same-sex attraction, and much like their experience with porn addiction, have no valuable resources or people in their life to help them work through it. Today's blog is designed to provide a starting point if you are a Christian man that has same-sex attraction.
Let me start by saying that there is nothing wrong with you. You are not fatally flawed, and I am so sorry for any ways that the church and society may have sent an opposing message. Working through our sexuality is hard enough in this world, when you factor in the complexities of same-sex attraction, the challenges feel impossible to overcome.
Attraction is a complex subject – we don't fully understand what drives it or shapes it, but there are a few things we DO know.
-Attraction and identity are not the same thing. Be careful that the way you identify as a person is not too strongly...
When you get free of porn, what changes in your life? Does it mean more intimacy with your wife? A deeper relationship with God? More confidence? Higher productivity at work? A greater willingness to take risk? These are some of the transformations that we get to witness daily before our very eyes in the DeepClean community. If you want to be inspired by men from around the world who are attaining freedom (including someone who hasn't watched porn in 15 months!), click below to read a few recent awe-inspiring wins.
JM – 25 years old, Engineer
DR – 29 years old, Pastor
JI – 34 years old, Administrator
MJ – 65 years old, Fabricator
If you're looking to get free of porn and resolve the root issues like these guys are, we have spots available in our calendar every week to take calls with people like you. Click here to book a time (note: you will be required to watch a short training first to prep you for the call).
Some of you may know from reading The Last Relapse that I do a bit of pro bono work, mentoring young men who long to be healthy in their sexuality, business, and faith.
Recently, one of my mentees was starting to feel burnt out. He has been working tirelessly the last year or so to build up an audience regarding a subject he is deeply passionate about. But it was starting to become exhausting.
He wasn’t quite burned out YET, but he could feel it was just around the corner if something didn’t change.
I started to poke around (as a mentor does), and began to observe a lot of ‘obligatory language’ – some of it explicit, some of it implicit.
“Well I have to do XYZ…otherwise my audience won’t grow.”
“I need to do ABC…or else I’m going to fall behind.”
This was a man who had set high expectations for himself and was meeting them exceptionally well, but was depleting his resources in the process.
So I started...
For many years the operative term for success in addiction recovery has been "sobriety" The last few decades, "freedom" has become a more common term in this arena, and for good reason. While it may appear to simply be an upgraded word that means the same thing, the reality is these two concepts are miles apart, and understanding the difference is critical for your long-term success.
Sobriety is a behavioral concept that refers to the absence of substance use or a behavioral engagement. This is where you will hear phrases like "Been sober for X number of days". As you may know, we don't count streaks here at DeepClean because we are not concerned with behavior modification.
Instead, we are more interested in freedom. The difference is that freedom deals with the internal elements of one's life. Freedom means having choices in the heat of a moment, control over yourself, a comprehensive understanding of your tendencies and patterns, and a conscious effort to make better...
I don’t know about you, but this season has caused me to think more seriously about the things that really matter in life.
Between pandemics, wars, inflation, government overreach and the many other geographical, political, and spiritual dynamics that have marked these last 2 years, I view life very differently.
I imagine some things may have changed for you too…
However, something that has always kept things in perspective for me is observing historical trends. As an example, typically every 10 years a major event takes place that has a global impact.
COVID-19 most recently. Ten years prior it was the financial crisis. Another ten years prior was 9/11. The list goes on…
It reminds me that while we are in unusual times, experiencing circumstances and situations that no humans previously had, ultimately, we will make it through.
The fascinating part for me is that we will not make it through equally. Some will come out thriving, others will struggle. And...
Since starting DeepClean in 2018, I have had the privilege of speaking with thousands of men about porn, sexuality, and masculinity.
As much as I can, I try to put on my listening hat in these conversations. I want to learn, stay curious, and grow.
The best coaches provide little to no advice, but rather they ask questions. Good advice only guarantees the acquisition of information, it doesn’t guarantee action.
However, question-asking is often much more compelling as the one providing answers starts to reach their own conclusions (a very empowering experience).
So over the years, I’ve gotten better and better at asking questions. Still plenty to learn, but it is a skill that I am happily refining.
Lately, I have stumbled upon a particular question that quite literally makes grown men cry. In fact, there was a specific week where I saw this same question cause 3 different men to cry mid-conversation!
There is nothing fancy about this question.
No big words or...
Oxytocin is commonly known as the "love hormone" primarily because it is secreted in notable amounts during breastfeeding. This hormone is believed to be the physiological catalyst for the emotional experience of mother-child bonding. But studies over the last 20 years have revealed that oxytocin is also involved in the male orgasm, revealing that orgasm is not simply a sexual event even from a biological perspective. Understanding the role of oxytocin in your own body is tremendously helpful for managing cravings, learning to love your body, and ultimately, making better decisions for it.
It is helpful to know that oxytocin is especially high in your system the first 30 minutes after orgasm. Really think about that. The same chemical that bonds a mother to child is pumping through your system after you orgasmed – whether it was induced by a person, computer screen, or imagination. You may tell yourself that it's innocent and it's 'not affecting anyone' but your biological...
This weekend marks Mother’s Day, one of the most celebrated holidays around the world. While the dates may vary, nearly every culture sets aside a day to honor their moms.
I remember hearing about an assessment conducted by the US postal service many years ago that revealed the busiest day of the year for their workers was not Christmas, Easter, Father’s Day or the like. It was Mother’s Day.
It looks like we all inherently know just how important our relationships with our moms are.
Working through my childhood relationship with my mother was one of the most critical parts of my recovery from a 15 year addiction to porn.
In fact, I can confidently say that had I ignored this aspect of recovery, I could very well have an addiction still today.
After getting to a place where I was watching porn every couple of months, I hit a plateau. And when I did relapse, it would be intense. Something still wasn’t right.
I remember being in a counselor’s office, and...