A common point of friction in marriage is the frequency of sex. Inevitably, one person in a marriage will always have a higher sex drive than the other – and it's not always the guy. Many of our expectations around sex are influenced by our upbringing and culture, in addition to our individual preferences and personas, but today's article examines the subject from a more objective standpoint.
We recently had Sheila Wray-Gregoire on the podcast. If you aren't familiar with her work, she wrote The Great Sex Rescue, and has more or less made it her mission to debunk the many misnomers that exist in Christian circles around sex and sexuality. While all of her content is exceptionally insightful, she shared an insight regarding sex frequency in a marriage that I haven't been able to shake.
I still remember when I was packing for my honeymoon, a couple of days before I married Shaloma. Bathing suit - check. Shorts - check. T-shirt - check. Sunglasses - check. 4 boxes of...
In Genesis 30, there is a fascinating story about Jacob.
The time has come where the dues he owed Laban for his daughters are settled. He doesn’t owe anything and he is ready to work for himself.
Laban begs Jacob to say, because it is clear that Jacob has a grace for prosperity on his life. Under Jacob’s leadership, Laban’s estate had grown significantly.
Both reach a middle ground where Jacob continues to steward the flock, but is allowed to take the speckled & spotted goats, and the brown lambs – these would be considered much less valuable since they were not purebred.
Laban happily agrees to Jacob’s generous offer. Then Jacob’s sneaky side comes out.
Somehow, Jacob discovers that if the goats and sheep are looking at something that is speckled, they reproduce speckled offspring (obviously this makes no sense but it’s old testament Bible times we’re talking about here!!)
So he begins to manipulate the breeding patterns of the...
You've been told that the alcoholic is addicted to alcohol, the gambler is addicted to gambling, and the porn addict is addicted to porn. But some of the science would suggest this is not actually true. In fact, neuroscience has uncovered that whether it is a substance or behavior that you compulsively engage in, you're actually addicted to something else...and it's not what you think.
When I was addicted to pornography, I would go to a porn search engine, type in a few keywords, and have access to millions of options. Then, I would open each video that intrigued me in a new tab, creating a 'queue' of content to peruse. I'd watch one, scroll to the scenes I really wanted to see, and then move on. Sound familiar?
Some are theorizing that this exact behavior pattern encompasses the epitome of addiction. It's the same reason that a gambling addict says "hit me" even though he knows odds are stacked a mile high against him. The reason that an alcohol tells himself he can handle 'just...
A lot of the guys struggling with porn addiction are afraid to reach out and get help. It's totally understandable – this is a personal subject and the idea of having someone involved in these parts of your life is scary. However, most men who want help in this area would leap if the right opportunity presented itself. This article explores how to find these opportunities.
1) Trust Is Everything – You must trust the people you work with, period. If you don't, you are wasting your time. Don't engage in a process because it's the right thing to do or because you were nagged to do it. You must trust the people you're working with, otherwise you will not make the necessary changes in your life to experience full freedom. Listen to their podcast, read their blogs or books, join their mailing list, follow them on social. See if you can identify/relate with them.
2) Don't Use The Consistency Excuse – A lot of guys fear being part of a program that requires regular calls,...
Do you feel alone in your struggle?
Most men do.
They have no one to tell.
Nowhere to get help.
And no one who truly knows them.
So they try to do it on their own…
Thinking that’s better than running the risk of being seen.
But I want to let you know – nothing could be further from the truth.
The research is making it crystal clear that the opposite of addiction is NOT sobriety, it’s connection.
The reason most people watch porn has nothing to do with porn.
It’s an intimacy deficiency. A connection disorder.
And it’s why experiencing meaningful connection is SO powerful for someone in recovery.
We’ve recently added a community building night to our program, DeepClean, because I am more convinced now than ever that connection is the way forward for long-term recovery.
So let me ask you – are you doing this alone? And if so – how’s that working out for you?
If you aren’t doing it alone, then let me ask you...
We recently had Jason Vallotton on our podcast share about why he is convinced that 90% of society’s issues stem from fatherlessness.
The world at large is more fatherless today than ever before.
Parents are splitting up.
Dads are walking out.
Masculinity is being redefined.
And as a result, many issues have ensued.
In fact some studies show that when the father is present – forget if he’s actually a good father or not – the impact is notable:
-Children have better social skills
-Children generally perform better in school
-Children are more likely to have a higher socio-economic status
The list goes on…
In case you aren’t convinced… one study estimated that as much as 90% of imprisoned men in America are fatherless!
I don’t know what your father was like.
He may have been ever-present, loving and kind.
Or maybe he was absent from Day 1.
Can I give you a piece of advice?
Give thanks – fathers are a gift.
The role of a...
College basketball star Patric Young had it all – popularity, money, and women at his beck and call. He knew it wasn't what God called him to, but at least he wasn't as far gone as his peers. The thrill of his lifestyle came to a grinding halt when he found out the woman of his dreams considered pornography to be cheating! This 'come to Jesus' moment made him realize that something had to change. Today's video explains how it all went down.
Learning to experience God as an unconditionally loving father, healing from past traumas, and learning to let people in have all helped Patric create a very different life for himself. He's finding himself apart from athletic performance, detaching from sexual misbehavior, and set to get married in just a few short months.
At the end of the day, the real question is – are you addicted? Sure you watch here and there...that doesn't mean you're addicted right? You can quit whenever you want, right? It just hasn't happened yet because "life got in the way"...right? The reality is that addiction often comes disguised and today's blog explains the REAL indicators of an addiction to pornography.
In addition to the flawed justifications ("at least my situation's not as bad as so-and-so"), enabling loved ones ("Oh it's not that bad. He's doing his best I'm sure"), and good intentions to deal with it one day ("It's just not great timing right now. If it's still around when XYZ happens, then I'll do something about it"), researchers are beginning to uncover more reliable indicators that a porn addiction is present.
While this may be an uncomfortable truth to broach, understanding your situation better means you will be able to find a more effective solution.
There are at least 3 indicators of porn...
Just about everything in your personal development is more impactful with the long-game in mind.
It’s very easy to justify…
-An extra cookie “every now and then”. But over time, those cookie calories start to add up.
-A little frivolous spending on a regular basis. But over time, it likely adds up to thousands of dollars.
-A relapse “one last time”, but several years and decades later…the relapses are happening and the impact is dramatic.
That’s why we are disinterested in streaks.
That’s why we don’t go after bursts of sobriety.
The goal is always long-term, lasting, unending freedom.
You may think that you need to wait until you get some momentum going before you think about the long game.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
The way you get momentum is by thinking about the long game.
And as you do, there are three rules that you should institute to ensure lasting freedom:
I had no idea my life was about to change forever.
A while back I had the chance to be part of a business mastermind retreat in Austin, Texas and I’m still blown away at how it impacted me.
This gentleman in the photo, Michael Bernhoff, delivered one of the best talks I have ever witnessed in person.
In case you haven’t figured it out by now…I believe every lesson in life has an application to getting free of porn…this one is no exception.
The stories you tell yourself and the way you talk about your journey MATTER.
It’s one thing to say, “I’m struggling with porn. I just can’t get free”
Closed statements stop your brain from seeking solutions.
It’s another thing to say, “I’m working on finding a solution to eliminate porn from my life”
Small change, huge difference....