I’m 25 years old, about to start my first full-time position as a pastor.
I’ve moved to a small farming community called Drayton.
The Senior Pastor who hired me helped me find a place to live - a 3 bedroom house that seemed to be the only rental available.
Two months in, I’m not sure if I can afford the rent.
So I got connected with a board member, Jim, who happened to run a very successful business. He takes about 15 minutes to sit down and crunch the numbers with me.
“Yeah, you gotta move.”
I wasn’t particularly fazed by the news itself, but there was literally nowhere else that I knew of to rent out in this tiny village.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get the ladies talking.”
Within about an hour, his wife had made a few calls, and by the end of the week, Mike and Patty, a retired couple from the church, had agreed to let me move into their basement.
I went from paying about $750/month for rent to...
If I had a magic pill that could cure you of porn addiction forever, would you take it?
The truth is, most people don’t like change.
And even those who do still admit that with change comes fear, anxiety, and distress.
There are “normal” uncomfortable changes …
-Moving to a new city
-Starting a new job
-Pursuing a new relationship
Then there’s weird changes that are also uncomfortable, like quitting porn.
Believe it or not – it’s the #1 reason guys stay stuck or refuse help.
Because recovery is a HUGE change to their rhythms, lifestyle, and thinking patterns.
It doesn’t matter how positive the change may be…
If it’s uncomfortable, we will talk ourselves out of it. Or come up with an excuse.
Taking a pill bypasses the discomfort.
No shifts in mindset required.
No heart healing needed.
No hard work necessary.
But I have to be honest with you…
The process is the best part of recovery.
The growth, development and the...
The 'bookends' of the day tend to be the most problematic when it comes to relapses. Whether it's morning glory or nighttime thunder, it is clear that if you can win the morning and the night, you will make huge steps towards lasting freedom.
But truthfully, the ultimate resolve of regular morning or nighttime relapses is encompassed in one word: Rhythm.
The rhythms (not routines) of our life dictate much of our behavior, whether we like it or not. Rhythms don't have to be rigid and rote, although for some that is probably a good approach. The key with rhythms is that they can be done consistently and allow room for flexibility when appropriate.
My morning rhythm is pretty simple Monday-Friday. I wake up, take a cold shower, go for a walk/talk to God, read the Bible or journal, and then spend about 90 minutes doing "deep work" on my business.
However, the last couple of weeks I have been feeling more fatigue physically and mentally. So I have been prioritizing sleep and that...
Have you ever wondered why God gave you such a high sex drive? Or why you just can't stop checking girls out no matter what? Did someone tell you that you're just a sexual being and this is the way you're wired? What if I told you there's actually a much simpler reason for it all, and it boils down to the simple differences between cravings and appetite?
Let's set the record straight here. We all have sexual appetite, and we all have sexual cravings. Appetite is innate, fundamental. Cravings are psychological.
The mistake that we see a lot of guys make is the assumption that appetite and cravings are the same thing. They are not. Think of this in a food context – a majority of our eating is cravings-based (psychological). We eat to comfort, numb, soothe, etc. Sometimes we eat just because it looks tasty. That is different than eating because you are hungry (or have appetite).
The reality is that your sexual appetite is incredibly low! You do not need sex or an orgasm to...
Now more than ever before, quality of life in North America has become a popular subject.
I LOVE this discussion, because improving the quality of life of others has been a huge passion of mine (and I like to consider myself the guinea pig that gets to try a bunch of things first before sharing it with the world!).
This is why DeepClean exists – I know that when you quit porn for good, your quality of life will dramatically improve.
That was my own experience. After battling a 15 year addiction, quitting porn gave me more confidence, a platform to help other people, a creative way to earn an income, and skills that have enabled me to form lifelong relationships (including my marriage).
I long for the same kind of improvements in your life.
Most discussions around quality of life are about money, travel, options, freedom of time, etc.
All of these are important and they have their place.
But let’s get one thing clear…
Your quality of life is the quality of...
It is quite possible that growing up in the church has left you addicted to porn. And if that is the case, you should know – you’re not alone.
Not even close.
Some context for me personally…
-I grew up Christian
-Went to Christian school
-My dad was a pastor and I was a Sunday School superstar: Pageants, Hallowe'en alternative parties, Christmas plays, you name it. I even played organ for the choir at one point (hence the photo).
Church was life.
I heard two messages about sexuality loud and clear growing up in the church:
1) Sex is for marriages only
2) Porn = bad
The result of that messaging? A 15 year addiction to pornography.
It's borderline miraculous that I have been free for 6.5 years now and get to speak into the lives of thousands of people on a regular basis about this issue.
The real question is – how?
Well, let me start by saying it’s not an easy process.
For starters, I had to accept that the church was comprised of imperfect people...
Leshan and his wife were fighting daily, sometimes going days without speaking to each other, and even getting into physical altercations. His patience was thin, temper was high, and porn was at the root of it all.
Making a change felt risky and as he shares in this video, Leshan had his doubts, but he knew that things could not stay the same. With each lesson, hope began to rise, until one day his wife remarked that he wasn't short with her the way he usually was. That's when he realized the tide was turning.
Six months of freedom later, he and his wife have never been happier, and Leshan feels confident that he will be able to walk further into God's calling on his life. In fact, he even shared about his transformation at his church recently in front of 2k people! Watch The Full Story here.
One of the greatest discoveries of modern science in the last 20 years has been the profound impacts of breathing.
We’ve known breathing to be quite literally vital for survival, but only recently are we discovering that your breath can be engaged to improve immunity, mental health, and many other areas of your life.
Typically, in addiction circles, breathwork is brought up for one of two reasons:
While I understood both aspects to a decent extent, I had an experience recently that dramatically enhanced my perspective.
This photo was taken at a recent mastermind retreat. They flew in a Wim Hoff certified instructor to teach us breathwork and conduct an ice bath experience.
If you aren’t familiar with the concept, an ice bath is exactly what it sounds like...
Narcissism has become a commonplace term in mental health conversations lately. Today's article explains the concept in greater detail, highlighting indicators of narcissism, the adverse effects it has on the individual and their loved ones, and ways to heal from it.
For starters, it should be known that this is a mental condition, it is not simply a personality type. This is an important notation because nearly everyone has experienced elements of narcissism in their life at some point. That is very different than the mental condition. Please bear that in mind as you read.
Narcissism is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. While all of us may have moments of narcissism, those that suffer from this condition think and behave this way on a regular basis.
Typical symptoms of narcissism include:
-An exaggerated sense of...
I am incredibly fortunate to live just 2 minutes from the beach.
It’s not the glorious, Jamaican, ocean-coast beaches that you saw in some of my photos a few months ago.
It’s more of a ‘great lake’, secluded, middle-of-the-pack kind of beach. But still, a beach that is just around the corner!
I love going to the beach because after just a short walk, I feel like I am in a mini-paradise. No cares in the world, just (seemingly) endless water, fresh air, and sand between my toes. For obvious reasons, I’ve made beach visits a regular part of my wind down routine after work.
And while I am incredibly grateful for such a cathartic environment more or less in my backyard, it comes with a downside.
Once the weather warms up and more people frequent the beaches, skin starts showing up everywhere.
You know what I’m talking about – short shorts, bikinis, and everything in between.
Back in the day, I loved these environments. It was a lust buffet...