Your imagination is a blessing.
Read that statement again.
Your imagination IS A BLESSING.
I need to remind myself of this truth on a regular basis. Most of us know in theory that our imagination is God-given. But when you struggle with lust, the imagination quickly becomes a double-edged sword.
Sure, it can help you dream about a better future. It can help you set goals and objectives and view things three-dimensionally.
But your imagination also becomes the source of fantasies, undressing women, and triggers that later on lead to slips.
Personally, I am very visual. It has allowed me to be very successful academically because I can picture a lot of the concepts as they are explained. This not only enhances my understanding, it also crystalizes the concept in my memory.
But on the flip side, 6 years of freedom later and my imagination still goes to lustful places sometimes.
So you may be wondering…does this ever go away? If Sathiya has been free that long and he still deals...
"Let's face it, without triggers, we are better decision makers, more present in our relationships, and have a higher quality of life. If you're anything like me, you read that sentence and think, ""How do I live without ever feeling triggered?"" Logic is a beautiful thing. While this thought has merit, it takes a long time and a pile of maturity to reach that point, but there is a much more critical step that must take place first.
I personally believe it is possible to reach a point where you are rarely triggered. This is the by-product of self-care, time, processing, maturity, development, and re-conditioning your nervous system. The way you get there is by learning to manage your triggers first. In other words, the initial goal is not to eliminate triggers, but rather to mitigate our response to being triggered.
Let me illustrate with an example. Let's say that I walk down the street and see an attractive woman who looks like a porn star that I used to frequent. While I wish my...
This is one of my FAVORITE questions because if someone is asking, they must be making major progress!! After you begin to go weeks, and then months, without pornography, your life begins to dramatically change. The mind is clearer, your heart is hopeful, and you become more present in your relationships. But anyone who's had an addiction knows just how frail success can be. So how do you know you're truly getting free?
This is the right question to ask as you begin to make progress. Let me start by saying that typically, you don't need to worry about this until you reach about 3 months of freedom. If you haven't gone that long yet, then keep doing the work until you have.
Assuming you've hit the 3 month mark and you're starting to feel good, here are a few things to look for that might indicate you're truly free. You might...
1) Think about porn/not watching porn a lot less
2) Feel confident in your own skin and comfortable with your imperfections
3) Be emotionally present in your key...
I don’t talk about it much in the newsletters, but I was a local church pastor for 9.5 years, starting at the tender age of 18.
The two biggest times of the year for a local church are Christmas and Easter for two reasons. First, the holidays themselves commemorate significant events in Christian history.
On a more practical level, they are the best attended weekends of the calendar year.
For me personally, it meant dressing a bit better than normal, preparing the songs further in advance, and unfortunately a couple of the churches I pastored did “Sonrise” services…which started at 6am to commemorate the early rising of Jesus.
Now Easter may just be another weekend for you, and that’s fine. But I want to make sure you don’t lose sight of WHAT we are commemorating and celebrating this weekend.
Jesus saves. God redeems. Every single believer in the Body of Christ is chock full of resurrection power. That is good freakin news!
I had the chance to sit down with Dr. Tamara Rosier recently, one of America's leading experts on the subject of ADHD, specifically from a neurological perspective. She shared something in our interview that really shocked me. The ADHD brain will get addicted to something. Period. No questions asked. As I started to poke around, it turns out that the wiring of the brain is different when you have ADHD, and these differences are subject to addictive and compulsive behaviors.
If you have ADHD (or speculate you have ADHD), you may be thinking, "Oh great. Guess that's it for me." But there's hope, and lots of it!
For starters, protective factors can often mitigate the impact of ADHD on someone's life in the early years, and ultimately reduce their propensity for addiction. What is a protective factor? Here are some examples (this is not a comprehensive list but hopefully gives you an idea):
-Growing up with two parents in the home
-Having an educated parent/parents
One of my friends recently pointed out that as the world starts to settle down from the pandemic (in a majority of places) and we are eagerly awaiting a return to some degree of normalcy, we are now faced with a war that has global implications.
So much for settling down!
I still remember in March 2020, my boss called an emergency staff meeting to explain that we were going to start working from home for 2 weeks. By April 1, 2020, the pandemic would be over and things would be back to normal.
So much for normal!
I told everyone I knew many years ago that I was going to become a psychiatrist – it was my ultimate goal in life. Then I gave my life to Christ and God called me to full-time ministry.
So much for med school!
The only thing that is certain in life is uncertainty.
While that may be frustrating to hear for someone like me who enjoys meticulous scheduling, spreadsheets, and 20-year visions, the reality is we all need to build capacity for flexibility.
If we don’t,...
If there is one thing that is certain in this life it is change.
We are all creatures of comfort by default. Those who are not have likely conditioned themselves away from their innate tendencies. The brain gravitates towards convenience and comfort.
Interestingly enough, the brain also loves novelty! This is actually the birthplace of many addictions and the reason why porn can be so invasive. New content, genres and experiences are paradise for the human brain.
This is why life transitions can bring about great excitement and great fear.
When guys join DeepClean, they have typically undergone transitions.
Sometimes they are exciting transitions – a recent engagement/marriage, the birth of their firstborn child, a career change, a new city. Other times, they are harder transitions – separation, divorce, getting fired, etc.
Whether the transition is a blessing or a challenge, it is often these changes that drive men to realize they must...
Many recovery programs recommend abstaining from all forms of orgasm while you recover from porn addiction – that includes having sex. At DeepClean, we do not uphold that stance (with one exception). I have tremendous value for that approach, but we have a few very specific reasons that we choose a different way to handle the recovery process.
For starters, I want to be clear that I am talking to married people primarily (or those of you who intend to be married one day), because I believe that sex is for marriage. If you are unmarried (single, dating, or engaged) then I believe that abstaining from sex should be part of your recovery.
I am also fully aware that many Christian couples are not waiting to have sex today, and if you are in that camp, you should still read this article.
The basic mindset around avoiding sex during recovery is that your brain and body need a reset. Your body has become addicted to the orgasm – the climax of a sexual experience. So if you want...
Last month marked 6 years since my last relapse. I can hardly believe it!
In those 2200+ days, I have:
The list could go on.
Gee, thanks Sathiya… you wrote this post to brag about how great your life is now that you’re free of porn?
Not at all. But I STILL remember what it was like to be addicted. To be afraid of getting caught and losing my job. To enter into marriage with hidden baggage that could destroy our intimacy.
The sense of worthlessness and shame lingering every single day, especially after slips. And the pure frustration that my relationship with God was suffering as a result.
I’m often asked, “what’s the best thing about being free?” and the answer always comes back to the same thing: security. To be...
Whether you are single or in a relationship, men want to be attractive. We want to know that we are desirable and worthy of attention. Sometimes we fear that having these desires makes us vain or superficial, but the reality is they are innate. The question then is how can you be attractive? And the answer may surprise you.
When I was in ministry school, we had a module devoted to healthy relationships taught by a seasoned clinical psychologist from the south who worked for some of America's largest megachurches.
I was single at the time, so when he began talking about how to be attractive my ears perked up. He went on this long discourse about what a girl wants versus what a guy wants and what guys should be doing while they're single and so on. It was all really good.
Then he made this statement that CHANGED EVERYTHING.
"Men," he said with his southern drawl, "You may think that you need to have a fancy car, big salary, or nice hair to get yourself a pretty lady. But you're wrong....