DeepClean™

Everything changed when I gave my life to Jesus in the middle of my undergrad.

After spending the previous 6 years of my life devoted to becoming a psychiatrist, almost immediately after I committed my life, I felt a calling to ministry.

While I resisted at first (I was a Pastor’s Kid my whole life and told myself I’d never be like my dad), today, I can’t imagine my life any other way.

-Spoken internationally sharing my testimony and revelations about freedom
-The Last Relapse has been read thousands of times by people around the world
-We have been deeply involved in 250+ recovery journeys
-Our podcast gets 15k+ downloads per month
-Haven’t watched porn in 2400+ days (!!!)

I was hesitant about the call to ministry at first, but by the time my degree was over, it was unmistakable.

There was just one problem at the time…

P*rn.

Because of my hidden addiction, I felt
-Unworthy to be in ministry
-Afraid that God could never use me
-Terrified of being found out...

When I was addicted to porn, I remember thinking that something must have been wrong with me for not being able to get free.

“I just don’t have what it takes.”

I figured those who were experiencing freedom either weren’t as badly addicted as me or they had something in their DNA that gave them an advantage.

And even though it was a hopeless feeling, it was also a RELIEF…

Because it meant for another day I could blame something else for my addiction.

There were 2 things that shifted my perspective. And had they not happened, I wouldn’t be experiencing…

-6.5 years of freedom
-Happily married for 3 years
-Starting a coaching practice that is helping hundreds of men break free

The first was taking responsibility – this meant stopping the pity parties; ending the blame game; and ultimately - agreeing to do the heavy lifting necessary for a full recovery.

The second was filling myself with hope.

This meant getting quick wins and celebrating...

Your attention determines your direction.

If you want to stay addicted to p*rn, just follow what I did the first 2 years of recovery:

-Cheaped out on solutions (filters, books, etc)
-Settled for surface-level recovery (will power, spiritual disciplines, etc)
-Spend most waking moments praying that I wouldn’t be tempted
-Living in fear of my next relapse
-Constantly thinking about how awful I am/how much is wrong with me
-Praying God would take the addiction away from me

I basically channeled all of my resources to AVOID sin and it nearly ruined me. Now don’t get me wrong – avoiding sin is noble. Necessary.

But you know what happens when all you think about is avoiding sin?

Sin starts to occupy your mind!

It starts to consume your attention. And before you know it…

You’re sinning again.

It’s like telling someone to stop picturing a purple elephant. Don’t do it. Stop picturing it. DO NOT imagine a purple elephant with a really long trunk. What are...

The truth? I am terrified of heights. 
The lie? All heights are equal.

My wife and I were in Switzerland recently sharing the DeepClean message and celebrating a good friend’s wedding.

We (aka she) decided to spend our days off doing adventurous (aka terrifying) things.

First up was a cable car up the mountains to Grindelwald. Literally every picture we took there looks photoshopped. Straight out of a movie.

Grindelwald also boasts a walkway along a cliff face that is pretty wild.

You follow the contours of the cliff until you reach a view that money could not buy. It is just you and the alps with a small metal apparatus underneath your feet.

I don’t know this from personal experience because I chickened out. My wife told me about it after she did it lol.

Second was paragliding off a mountain in another stunning town called Interlaken.

So there I am – saddled in, parachuting up, running down a hill praying that the wind catches and that I will one day get to...

You never know how one decision could change generations.

My grandpa immigrated from India to Canada in the 70s. 

He and my grandma are the reason that I have been able to grow up with the embarrassment of riches that North Americans experience every single day.

One of the biggest lies men believe about their struggle with porn is that it “only affects themselves” or “it’s between them and God.”

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Whether you can see the people or not that are impacted, this addiction is bigger than you.

But on the flip side…so too is your freedom.

Your recovery could literally change the trajectory of hundreds of generations after you.

Imagine being the last one in your lineage to struggle with porn. 

I’ve had the chance to go back to India several times, and while it is a beautiful country with amazing people, I leave every time incredibly grateful for my Grandparent’s brave decision nearly 5 decades...

A lot can change in 5 years.

In April 2017, when this photo was taken, my wife and I had been together for a few short months.

We were just getting to know each other.
Had zero conflict in the relationship.
And I was pretty sure I was going to marry her.

But all good things take time…

It was another 2.5 years of dating and engagement before we finally tied the knot on September 8, 2019.

Shaloma and I have moved multiple times, I’ve changed careers, we’ve endured health challenges, deaths in our families, and yes several conflicts as well.

I wouldn’t trade a minute of it for the world.

It was Bill Gates who said that people overestimate what they can do in a year and underestimate what they can do in 5 years.

That quote feels very real as my wife and I recently celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary.

When our relationship hit hard times - sickness especially - my initial response was to figure out how to fix the situation asap.

When Shaloma and I had some of...

My parents decided to get married in 1983 after knowing each other for a grand total of 15 minutes!

My Dad lived in Canada at the time, my Mom was living in India. 

So what do you talk about when you only have 15 minutes to decide if the person in front of you will become your life partner?

The weather, obviously.

My Dad’s main questions to my Mom were:
-Can you cook? (As my Mom likes to say… she lied and said “yes”)
-Can you handle living in cold Canada? (As my Mom likes to say…she lied and said “yes”)

Ten days later they were married.

Three kids, one retirement, several moves, and many memories later, my parents just celebrated a whopping 39 years together!

Not only have they set a quality example for me and my siblings to follow in our own marriages, they help other couples strengthen their marriages through their coaching practice (and newly released book called The Unbreakable Marriage).

While we were celebrating their anniversary,...

My wife: “My husband does so much…He runs his business, and he uh...um…hmm…hey what else do you do anyway?”

(No word of a lie that’s what she had just said when this photo was taken)

She’s not wrong…I’ve been super dialed in the last 12 months refining our program, extending our reach, and building a team to help me do it all.

We’ve continued to run Unleash The Man Within 5x/week, wrote a best-selling book called The Last Relapse, and have dramatically extended our reach with this newsletter and our social media accounts… 

But by far the BEST part of what has been happening is that we are helping men step into their callings, including:

Jason quitting his job to start a business
Piero feeling confident to finally become a father
Chris marrying the girl of his dreams after almost losing her
Henry overcoming 4 decades of addiction as a local church pastor and helping others get free now
Stuart finally getting...

Those of you that have followed us for a while know that I am a recovering control freak.

Control is something we all strive for to find security in our lives. For some, the pursuit of control is more overt. I happen to be in that category.

When I am in control, I feel secure, happy, and often hopeful. 

While being a control freak insinuates that at times I try to control things that I shouldn’t…there is a good side to this as well.

Concepts of autonomy, personal responsibility, ownership, etc., have marked the DeepClean philosophy (see chapter 2 of The Last Relapse if you want to learn more). 

Because the more control we are willing to take in our situation, the more influence we can have on the final outcome.

All of this is true, but it is also incomplete.

It was just a few short years ago in the fall of 2018 that I found myself in one of the hardest seasons of my life. My fiancée was sick and the doctors didn’t know why. And I had no money to...

When Shaloma and I first started dating, we lived a couple of hours apart, which meant usually we would hang out on the weekends only (and then FaceTime like crazy during the week).

Because we barely saw each other those first 8 months, we had little to no conflict in the relationship.

So we would joke that we must be a match made in heaven.

But in reality, we knew that it was a matter of time before our first fight.

Personally, I couldn’t wait.

I truly believe that the way a couple handles conflict early in the relationship is a good indicator of what lies ahead for them.

I was curious to see if we’d pass the test…

We often tell our guys in the DeepClean community that it doesn’t matter how long your streak is.

I don’t care how many of your routines and rituals you were able to do every morning and evening.

My primary interest is how you handle the adversities of life – stress, temptations, overwhelm, relational conflict, etc.

The best recovery...