Without a shadow of a doubt, the greatest cause of misbehavior (sexual or otherwise) in our society today is stress.
The reality is that we deal with unprecedented levels of stress in our society.
Between work, relationships, paying bills, pandemics, recessions, and doing our best to live by Biblical standards in a world that mocks the idea, there are plenty of stressors to be experienced on the daily.
Admittedly – I am still figuring out how to navigate this. I often find myself every few months needing a few days to unwind and unplug.
At the time of writing this, my wife and I just returned from a fantastic getaway for a few nights. We hung out at the beach, soaked in some sun, kayaked, had long chats, and laughed a ton.
Suddenly in a matter of a couple days, my marriage feels vibrant, I feel excited about the future, and life feels settled again.
The stressors haven’t gone anywhere, and I am working hard to do a better job at managing them (and taking fewer...
I had the privilege of sharing the DeepClean method recently to by far the largest audience I’ve spoken to in-person recently (just under 2k people).
It has been pretty amazing to see how deeply the message is resonating with people around the world.
Sure I can talk about my method here in my own newsletter, on my own podcast, or on my Instagram page.
But it’s another thing when you show up on someone else’s platform and see that your message still hits home.
My point that morning was simple…
Jesus is coming back for a spotless bride. One without blemish.
-35% of all internet downloads are porn.
-The porn industry amasses roughly 100B annually.
-Women are struggling almost just as much as men are.
-By the time someone is 18 there’s a 93% chance they’ll have watched porn multiple times.
-Porn increases the divorce rate by 56%
And none of these stats change significantly if you were to examine Christians alone. We have some work to do!
When I used to watch porn, I remember feeling jealous of the men in the videos. They got paid to have sex with attractive women regularly... they were "living the dream". And the girls always seemed so happy in the videos – I figured they had great lives too. Having friended two former porn stars the last couple of years, I've discovered just how mistaken I really was.
Brittni De La Mora was one of the top-ranked adult actresses in the world. Her videos literally had millions of views. She wasn't just a porn actress, she was a star. Brittni explained to me that between the lying, manipulation, and coercion - the porn industry slowly eats away at your soul.
She was more or less tricked into performing in her first video - a VERY common story in the porn industry. But after that first video, she stuck around... why?
Between the money, attention, and grandiose promises, you feel like there are no other options to make a living. Everyone outside of porn will see you as...
I’m 25 years old, about to start my first full-time position as a pastor.
I’ve moved to a small farming community called Drayton.
The Senior Pastor who hired me helped me find a place to live - a 3 bedroom house that seemed to be the only rental available.
Two months in, I’m not sure if I can afford the rent.
So I got connected with a board member, Jim, who happened to run a very successful business. He takes about 15 minutes to sit down and crunch the numbers with me.
“Yeah, you gotta move.”
I wasn’t particularly fazed by the news itself, but there was literally nowhere else that I knew of to rent out in this tiny village.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get the ladies talking.”
Within about an hour, his wife had made a few calls, and by the end of the week, Mike and Patty, a retired couple from the church, had agreed to let me move into their basement.
I went from paying about $750/month for rent to...
If you're reading this, it's because you have probably tried A BUNCH of recovery solutions already.
Maybe some have helped a bit. Others probably have not. And it leaves you wondering...
"Will anything actually work for ME?"
How do I know?
Because I was there. I am not afraid to try new things, and my recovery journey was no exception. I am naturally optimistic, positive, and hopeful. So I tried reaching out to trusted friends, setting up accountability systems, using an internet filter, upping my spiritual disciplines, etc. But I started to have my doubts when so many mainstream solutions failed to help me achieve lasting freedom.
There's good news though...
-I have been clean 6.5 years (if I can do it you can too)
-We see 100s of men recovering on a regular basis (not just in my program but in many others as well)
-There are a few solutions that are making a MAJOR impact right now that you should be aware of
There is no cookie-cutter solution to recovery. Generally speaking, the...
If I had a magic pill that could cure you of porn addiction forever, would you take it?
The truth is, most people don’t like change.
And even those who do still admit that with change comes fear, anxiety, and distress.
There are “normal” uncomfortable changes …
-Moving to a new city
-Starting a new job
-Pursuing a new relationship
Then there’s weird changes that are also uncomfortable, like quitting porn.
Believe it or not – it’s the #1 reason guys stay stuck or refuse help.
Because recovery is a HUGE change to their rhythms, lifestyle, and thinking patterns.
It doesn’t matter how positive the change may be…
If it’s uncomfortable, we will talk ourselves out of it. Or come up with an excuse.
Taking a pill bypasses the discomfort.
No shifts in mindset required.
No heart healing needed.
No hard work necessary.
But I have to be honest with you…
The process is the best part of recovery.
The growth, development and the...
The 'bookends' of the day tend to be the most problematic when it comes to relapses. Whether it's morning glory or nighttime thunder, it is clear that if you can win the morning and the night, you will make huge steps towards lasting freedom.
But truthfully, the ultimate resolve of regular morning or nighttime relapses is encompassed in one word: Rhythm.
The rhythms (not routines) of our life dictate much of our behavior, whether we like it or not. Rhythms don't have to be rigid and rote, although for some that is probably a good approach. The key with rhythms is that they can be done consistently and allow room for flexibility when appropriate.
My morning rhythm is pretty simple Monday-Friday. I wake up, take a cold shower, go for a walk/talk to God, read the Bible or journal, and then spend about 90 minutes doing "deep work" on my business.
However, the last couple of weeks I have been feeling more fatigue physically and mentally. So I have been prioritizing sleep and that...
Now more than ever before, quality of life in North America has become a popular subject.
I LOVE this discussion, because improving the quality of life of others has been a huge passion of mine (and I like to consider myself the guinea pig that gets to try a bunch of things first before sharing it with the world!).
This is why DeepClean exists – I know that when you quit porn for good, your quality of life will dramatically improve.
That was my own experience. After battling a 15 year addiction, quitting porn gave me more confidence, a platform to help other people, a creative way to earn an income, and skills that have enabled me to form lifelong relationships (including my marriage).
I long for the same kind of improvements in your life.
Most discussions around quality of life are about money, travel, options, freedom of time, etc.
All of these are important and they have their place.
But let’s get one thing clear…
Your quality of life is the quality of...
Have you ever wondered why God gave you such a high sex drive? Or why you just can't stop checking girls out no matter what? Did someone tell you that you're just a sexual being and this is the way you're wired? What if I told you there's actually a much simpler reason for it all, and it boils down to the simple differences between cravings and appetite?
Let's set the record straight here. We all have sexual appetite, and we all have sexual cravings. Appetite is innate, fundamental. Cravings are psychological.
The mistake that we see a lot of guys make is the assumption that appetite and cravings are the same thing. They are not. Think of this in a food context – a majority of our eating is cravings-based (psychological). We eat to comfort, numb, soothe, etc. Sometimes we eat just because it looks tasty. That is different than eating because you are hungry (or have appetite).
The reality is that your sexual appetite is incredibly low! You do not need sex or an orgasm to...
It is quite possible that growing up in the church has left you addicted to porn. And if that is the case, you should know – you’re not alone.
Not even close.
Some context for me personally…
-I grew up Christian
-Went to Christian school
-My dad was a pastor and I was a Sunday School superstar: Pageants, Hallowe'en alternative parties, Christmas plays, you name it. I even played organ for the choir at one point (hence the photo).
Church was life.
I heard two messages about sexuality loud and clear growing up in the church:
1) Sex is for marriages only
2) Porn = bad
The result of that messaging? A 15 year addiction to pornography.
It's borderline miraculous that I have been free for 6.5 years now and get to speak into the lives of thousands of people on a regular basis about this issue.
The real question is – how?
Well, let me start by saying it’s not an easy process.
For starters, I had to accept that the church was comprised of imperfect people...
We consulted hundreds of conversations, dozens of recoveries, and several scientific studies to identify 5 KEY practices every recovered man implements. If you are looking to get started on the recovery journey, this guide is for you.