My wife and I often get asked “the question” by Christian couples that are dating

“How far is too far?”

You know what I’m talking about…

As Christians, we know that sex was designed for marriage... High level of intimacy in the context of high level commitment.

So dating and engagement can be challenging seasons. Hormones are in full throttle, yet somehow you have to keep it together until you tie the knot.

But honestly…

…If you’re asking “the question”, you’ve already lost.

It’s not about what you can get away with, or how close you can get to the line without crossing it.

The real question is, “What will serve our relationship the best in the long run?”

My wife and I dated for a year and were engaged for 18 months before getting married in September 2019.

We went through hell during our engagement – major illness, buried 5 relatives, tons of financial distress, and a whole bunch of...

Christmas is one of the most unique times we experience in a calendar year.

I am fascinated by how much my experience of this season has changed over the years.

As a kid, Christmas was magical and ridiculously exciting.
As a teen, Christmas meant new video games and hangouts at the mall.
In college, Christmas meant time off from school.
In my early career years, Christmas meant work all day and night (I was a local church pastor).
Last year, Christmas meant sun and beach and rum & cokes (we were living in Jamaica).

This year, Christmas has me incredibly reflective. A lot can change in such a short time.

Bill Gates famously said that we overestimate what we can accomplish in a year, but underestimate what we can accomplish in 5.

I am about to hit 7 years clean of porn, and I can honestly say that with each year of freedom I move further into my relationships and calling at an exponential level.

It’s the compounding effect, and it’s just getting started.

You may think to...

We started out as friends, but if you saw what happened moments after…we were anything but.

My wife and I rented an AirBnb in the middle of nowhere Ireland on the tail end of The Last Relapse Europe tour.

I was out for a walk one day when I met these guys – a seemingly friendly group of dairy cattle.

…Seemingly.

At first, they were kind and curious. I made some new friends.

I don’t know if I did something or what…but all of the sudden one of the cows got spooked and ran away.

Then the cows started moo-ing. 
Then I saw the leader move forward. 
He was breathing heavily.

I looked behind him and they were all staring me down now. Ready to strike.

I was literally watching the herd mentality play out before my very eyes. 
ONE cow made a fuss, and literally every other cow was there to its defense.

This is the power of a supportive community.

Even though these cows became threatened by something that was rather harmless (I was just trying to...

"The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD" — Prov 18:22

Just a few years ago, I was afraid I would be single for life.

I was working as a pastor and felt like a hypocrite for having an addiction to p*run behind closed doors.

And as much as I wanted to be married one day, I feared bringing my addiction into a future relationship.

So I did the only thing I knew how to do when I felt hopeless: Pray.

I prayed God would set me free so that I could set others free. 
And I prayed that he would keep my future wife from me until I had this thing figured out.

In case you can’t tell…

Both of those prayers were gloriously answered :).

The moral of the story here is that God hears your prayers.

The big ones.
The bold ones.
The small ones too.

The WORST thing you could do is go through this struggle without praying.

In case you need to hear it again…

God is on your side.
There is no recovery apart from Him.
He is more eager about...

To grow, you must be surrounded by those who are ahead of you.

Recently I had the privilege of being at a mastermind retreat in Phoenix, Arizona with 25 faith-based entrepreneurs from around the world.

Sometimes I attend these retreats and I have specific tactics or strategies that I’m really excited to implement in the business.

Other times I had a conversation that really inspired me.

But this time was different…

Literally all I wanted was to be around people that were more successful than me.
The fastest way to grow is to be the small fish in a big pond.

One of the speakers was John Madsen, who played in the NFL for a couple of seasons before switching to entrepreneurship.

He was a gym owner for 6 years and managed to pay his bills for the most part.
But about 4 years ago something changed…

He decided to spend time around people that were more successful than him. People that were doing what he was doing. But they were further along.

And in the last 4 years, his...

This may just look like me hanging out with two Dutch dudes, but the stories behind this photo are absolutely insane.

Let me explain…

When I was in Holland recently, I reached out to two recent DeepClean graduates – Josh (on the left) and Matthias (on the right) – to see if they wanted to get some people together that might be interested in the DeepClean message.

They thought that a gathering in Holland was a great idea and began to ask around, and sure enough it looked like people were interested.

The day came and we agreed to have dinner together beforehand. Meeting clients in-person is always a treat for me – and this dinner did not disappoint.

These guys had clearly been friends for a long time. You could tell from the way they were joking around and telling stories about each other’s lives that there was deep history here. It was fun to watch.

Then both of them began to share their transformation stories. 

They talked about how their...

Everything changed when I gave my life to Jesus in the middle of my undergrad.

After spending the previous 6 years of my life devoted to becoming a psychiatrist, almost immediately after I committed my life, I felt a calling to ministry.

While I resisted at first (I was a Pastor’s Kid my whole life and told myself I’d never be like my dad), today, I can’t imagine my life any other way.

-Spoken internationally sharing my testimony and revelations about freedom
-The Last Relapse has been read thousands of times by people around the world
-We have been deeply involved in 250+ recovery journeys
-Our podcast gets 15k+ downloads per month
-Haven’t watched porn in 2400+ days (!!!)

I was hesitant about the call to ministry at first, but by the time my degree was over, it was unmistakable.

There was just one problem at the time…

P*rn.

Because of my hidden addiction, I felt
-Unworthy to be in ministry
-Afraid that God could never use me
-Terrified of being found out...

When I was addicted to porn, I remember thinking that something must have been wrong with me for not being able to get free.

“I just don’t have what it takes.”

I figured those who were experiencing freedom either weren’t as badly addicted as me or they had something in their DNA that gave them an advantage.

And even though it was a hopeless feeling, it was also a RELIEF…

Because it meant for another day I could blame something else for my addiction.

There were 2 things that shifted my perspective. And had they not happened, I wouldn’t be experiencing…

-6.5 years of freedom
-Happily married for 3 years
-Starting a coaching practice that is helping hundreds of men break free

The first was taking responsibility – this meant stopping the pity parties; ending the blame game; and ultimately - agreeing to do the heavy lifting necessary for a full recovery.

The second was filling myself with hope.

This meant getting quick wins and celebrating...

Your attention determines your direction.

If you want to stay addicted to p*rn, just follow what I did the first 2 years of recovery:

-Cheaped out on solutions (filters, books, etc)
-Settled for surface-level recovery (will power, spiritual disciplines, etc)
-Spend most waking moments praying that I wouldn’t be tempted
-Living in fear of my next relapse
-Constantly thinking about how awful I am/how much is wrong with me
-Praying God would take the addiction away from me

I basically channeled all of my resources to AVOID sin and it nearly ruined me. Now don’t get me wrong – avoiding sin is noble. Necessary.

But you know what happens when all you think about is avoiding sin?

Sin starts to occupy your mind!

It starts to consume your attention. And before you know it…

You’re sinning again.

It’s like telling someone to stop picturing a purple elephant. Don’t do it. Stop picturing it. DO NOT imagine a purple elephant with a really long trunk. What are...

The truth? I am terrified of heights. 
The lie? All heights are equal.

My wife and I were in Switzerland recently sharing the DeepClean message and celebrating a good friend’s wedding.

We (aka she) decided to spend our days off doing adventurous (aka terrifying) things.

First up was a cable car up the mountains to Grindelwald. Literally every picture we took there looks photoshopped. Straight out of a movie.

Grindelwald also boasts a walkway along a cliff face that is pretty wild.

You follow the contours of the cliff until you reach a view that money could not buy. It is just you and the alps with a small metal apparatus underneath your feet.

I don’t know this from personal experience because I chickened out. My wife told me about it after she did it lol.

Second was paragliding off a mountain in another stunning town called Interlaken.

So there I am – saddled in, parachuting up, running down a hill praying that the wind catches and that I will one day get to...