Family is one of the most beautiful and complicated words in the English language.
God’s design for this thing called life is that we would experience it in the context of a safe, loving and empowering family environment.
Some of you reading this were actually fortunate enough to have an experience that matches the description above.
Many of you were not.
And some of you may not know where you land.
Personally, as a family led by immigrant parents, the question I always had rolling around in my head was “Are we normal?”
We ate different food.
Spoke different languages.
And didn’t really “look the part” (I grew up in the prairies to give some context lol).
As society is beginning to uncover the supreme value of childhood as a whole, parent-child relationships, and mother-father dynamics in our development, there are some risks that come with it.
One risk is that we blame all of our problems on childhood. We see this happen in our...
He who finds a wife finds a good ting, and obtains favor from the LORD – Prov 18:22 (Jamaican version).
When I was single people used to always tell me that you have to choose your spouse carefully because it is the second most important decision you’ll ever make.
(The first being giving your life to Jesus).
In hindsight, they were right. But I wish someone would have told me why.
There’s a scripture in 1 Corinthians 15 that says “bad company corrupts good character.”
In other words, you can be the most incredible human being in the world, but if you’re surrounded by the wrong people, it won’t matter.
Something I’ve realized lately is that your spouse winds up being your “company” for the rest of your life.
And they will either corrupt or enhance your character, integrity, calling, etc.
I can say with all my heart, my wife is the best company a guy could ask for.
She makes me a better man, and she challenges me to grow in...
Well, we’re no longer on the sunny beaches of Jamaica, but a guy can still dream right?
We’ve been home for a few weeks now and it is becoming very clear that this year is about stabilizing.
Last year, we traveled a ton, took on lots of new adventures, and made some improvements to our home.
This is a year to settle, enjoy the fruits of our labor, and dig roots into the local community.
Shaloma and I have made a weekly practice of reflecting on the past week, worshiping & praying together, and then planning the week ahead.
Something we’ve observed is how much we have to be grateful for on a daily basis, but how easily we overlook it.
Many times I find myself saying, “Man, we have a good life.”
Things are far from perfect. There are challenges too.
But any time I take a moment to reflect on the life we’re living and the things God has done and is doing in our lives…
I can’t help but be overwhelmed with gratitude.
Life has its...
Every moment matters. Everything is sacred. In all you do, do it as unto the Lord.
These are some of the words I’ve been speaking to myself lately as things begin to ramp up here at DeepClean.
Busyness is one of the greatest enemies we face today.
And most of us are busy with really “good” things – work, church, family, etc.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes in the midst of it all, I catch myself tuning out a bit..
Spending just a bit more time on my phone than I should when my loved ones are around..
Talking myself out of giving 100% because I can get away with it or because “it’s not THAT important”.
But one thing I am learning is that whether it’s a mundane minute between Zoom calls…
A weekly date with my wife…
The first 45 mins of my day with God…
Or I’m on the couch in reruns of The Simpsons and Seinfeld like it’s no one’s business…
It all matters.
In recovery, you will have...
Note: This is a 3 part email sequence, all the 3 parts have been compiled in this blog post. Each email is separately labeled.
Have you ever felt stressed before?
Dumb question, I know. Obviously the answer is yes.
Have you felt stressed lately - like in the last week?
Another dumb question. Obviously you have.
Well let me ask you a smarter question instead...
Do you think you would have an issue with p*rn if you never experienced stress?
This is the first email of a 3-part series where I am going to show you how men should handle their stress.
By the end of this sequence, you'll understand how stress correlates with slips/relapses AND you'll know what to do differently the next time you're up to your eyeballs in the cares of life so that it doesn't lead to hulk-like outcomes.
As a starting point – what is stress? (Oh so we're back to the dumb questions again, perfect).
Well, you may...
I thank my God every time I remember you.
In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this…
He Who Began A Good Work In You Will Carry It On To Completion Until The Day of Christ Jesus.
I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I need a reminder that it is God who begins AND ends the good works in our lives.
When I struggled with p*rn, I remember getting “tastes” of freedom.
A few weeks, sometimes months, one time I even went a whole year.
When I relapsed, I would often self-criticize and lament having to “start all over again”...
But that kind of thinking totally negates this scripture out of Philippians 1.
Freedom is the work of God. We cannot liberate ourselves.
You may be just starting out in recovery, a few years in, or maybe many years along the way — regardless I have really good news for you.
God has begun a good work in you.
“He that jumpeth the highest haveth the most joy” – Proverbs 200 (NST).
February 2023 has officially passed, which means it is 7 years since my last relapse and I am so proud of myself I am literally jumping for joy.
For 15 years I lived in the throes of a devastating p*rn addiction.
During a majority of that time, I stayed silent. Isolated. Alone.
I couldn’t risk losing my reputation and relationships.
I thought I was the only one.
One day I couldn’t take it anymore.
I finally opened up to a friend - I was positive he was going to reject me. Our friendship would change forever. And he would tell EVERYONE.
But much to my surprise… he struggled too.
That was the start of a 5 year journey pursuing recovery.
It started with internet filters and accountability partners.
Then I thought I’d ramp up the spiritual disciplines.
But I kept plateauing. I would go a week here, or a month there, but eventually I wound up binging and “starting all...
Note: This is a 3 part email sequence, all the 3 parts have been compiled in this blog post. Each email is separately labeled
We have been getting a lot of questions about how p*rn specifically affects the brain, and something tells me you may have some of the same questions.
In case you didn't know – I was a university researcher for several years before becoming a local church pastor, so the whole neuroscience thing through a Biblical lens is kind of my jam .
The male brain is changing in some pretty disturbing ways these days. To give you an idea...
These alarming trends can all be accounted for by a concept...
Christmas has passed, but around here, Spring is the most wonderful time of the year.
The picture above is from 2011 – right around the time my recovery began.
Princess Jasmine was the closest thing I had to a girlfriend (that’s slightly exaggerated but not by much lol).
For real though – p*rn messed up how I viewed myself and how I viewed women.
I wanted to be in a long-term committed relationship one day, but I struggled to feel worthy.
And I also wondered if getting into a relationship would just make things worse.
On the flip side…part of me thought that maybe getting married would fix my problems. Having s*x regularly would satisfy any of the desires I have for p*rn, right?
Wrong. Oh, so terribly wrong.
Thank God a mentor of mine corrected me on that one.
“Marriage is a magnifier. If it’s a problem now, it will be worse later.”
FEBRUARY 2012 – I prayed a BOLD prayer: “God, whoever my future wife is – keep her from me...
Sunday is the most popular day to watch p*rn (according to P*rnHub the last few years).
Seems strange, doesn’t it?
Sundays are days to worship God, spend time with your community, relax, kick your feet up, etc.
So why is it that arguably the least structured and most relaxed day of the week would be such a stumbling block for so many people?
When I was a kid, one time I had the task of moving some bricks from one end of the backyard to the other.
Brick by brick was not a big deal. But I hated the last brick in the pile, because I never knew what I was going to find underneath it.
Sure, there was always dirt and grime. But it was the bugs I hated. Slugs, worms, etc.
Interesting to think they were there all along, I just didn’t see them until I moved the brick.
A lot of guys that have come to me over the years have resorted to staying busy to avoid temptation. It’s the only way they know how to cope.
While I do believe we are not to have idle hands, I also believe a...