DeepClean™

Let me just say that my wife and I have had our share of festivities recently. I quit my job to do DeepClean full-time. We are getting ready to move to Jamaica for 6 months (more on that soon), so we were looking for someone to rent out our house. We also need to find a place to live in Jamaica. My brother got married and I was the best man. And to boot – our car was written off in a highway accident.

The good news is, no one was hurt, which in of itself was miraculous considering the accident happened at over 60 mph (that’s 100km/h for my metric readers). But it was yet ANOTHER thing.

To complicate the matter, the accident took place about 2 months prior to the move… so we received an insurance payout, but it made no sense to buy a new car since we were about to leave the country. We started asking around to see if anyone had a car we could borrow for a bit.

By God’s grace we had friends who kindly lent us their vehicle until we moved. So nice! EXCEPT one...

There are three main external reasons that guys slip up – boredom, relational tension, and stress. It's amazing that in the 12-18 years of formal education we experience, very little is taught on personal finances, relational intelligence, and stress management – three areas that every person is guaranteed to deal with in their adult years. Furthermore, three areas that contribute significantly to someone's quality of life.

The reality is that if you manage your stress, you manage your life. This is especially true in the recovery process. There are three different types of stress – eustress [good stress], distress [bad stress], chronic [repeating]. We want to avoid chronic stress at all costs. The body is not designed to stay in a stressed state. 

Eustress includes anything that is stressful, but ultimately has a positive impact. Some people love working under pressure so deadlines, curveballs in a project, and those kinds of things are considered eustress...

The year is 1997 and it’s an ordinary day in the Sam household. My older sister is blasting Spice Girls and running around the house. I am watching TV, eating popcorn. My younger brother is doing both – running around with my sister at times, watching TV with me at others – to appease his big sister and big brother. Having two older siblings is exhausting, I’m sure. 

Eventually, the three of us wind up in the TV room. The movie is finished. We have collectively decimated the popcorn and are now left with unpopped popcorn seeds. While many would consider these unhatched kernels to signal the end of the festivities, we were just getting started.

It is amazing how many different places in your own body you can fit a popcorn seed. Nose, belly buttons, fingers, toes, hairs, the list goes on and on. Most of the places we experimented with were safe bets. They could be easily removed. Until we got to the ears.

Knowing that sticking the seed in her ears would be...

Imagine this. I am 16 years old flipping burgers at Wendy’s to make some cash for the summer. My hair is shaggy and long, spilling out of my hat. It’s an unassuming Wednesday afternoon and there are hardly any customers to serve. Mary, myself, and a few other coworkers are in the back, eating coffee cake muffins with vanilla frosty.

Did we pay for it? No. 

Were we supposed to be working? Yes.

Who is Mary? You’ll find out shortly.

While the day itself was unassuming, there was nothing ordinary about this particular Wednesday at Wendy’s. Management was attending a corporate retreat, which meant Mary was in charge. While Mary was responsible, and quite a bit older than the rest of us, she was a peer in our eyes.

As they say… when the cat’s away, the mice will play. That’s exactly what we did. We asked Mary if we could do all the things that we weren’t normally allowed to do. Initially, she was reluctant, but slowly we broke her down...

Most addictions have withdrawal symptoms – emotional, physical or psychological reactions to the absence of the substance/behavior. Hard drug users often experience shakes, twitches, and food cravings. These aspects are well researched, but what about pornography users? Well, the research is still catching up. On the streets, here's what we're observing.

1) Mental – The initial withdrawal symptom typically is brain fog. The inability to focus. You might be wondering if something is wrong with you or if porn has made things worse. It does, INITIALLY. Then, things will get much better. Another common psychological symptom is anxiety. If porn/masturbation have been sources of comfort and security, their absence can often cause panic in the nervous system. This too will subside as long as you do not replace porn with another addictive substance/behavior (this is more common than you would think). Find healthy ways to deal with the initial surge of anxiety and eventually...

After a pretty strong response to the nighttime email recently, I’ve decided to follow it up.

Previously, our focus was on routines and rhythms. Important components of long-term success. But I want to address the other part of nightlife that is often not discussed in recovery.

Wet dreams.

Let’s not kid ourselves, these are weird experiences. You wake up with that immediate sense of “What the heck?” Not a nice way to start your day. For the guy who is recovering from pornography, you may have a wet dream and then wonder, “does this count as a slip?” These kinds of experiences certainly bring up some interesting questions.

The best way I have found to explain it is simply that when you have engaged in PMO (Porn-Masturbation-Orgasm) consistently over a long period of time, your brain gets used to it. If you suddenly stop doing it (congrats on that by the way), your brain gets confused.

Sexual experiences hit the most primal parts of our brain, so...

From time-to-time, we'll share success stories in these newsletters to keep you encouraged on your journey to freedom. Sometimes it is helpful to see that others are accomplishing your pursuit. It helps you realize that it is possible and that you can do it too.

Johnathon is a military reservist. He is a young man, but he has had plenty of life experience already. When Johnathon joined DeepClean, he "tried everything in the book." He was frustrated, sick of struggling for over a decade with porn and masturbation, and feeling too ashamed to go to God. One day, he sent me an email that coaches like me dream about receiving. Rather than trying to paraphrase his story and experience, I’ve decided to include the email in its fullness. No edits.

“Sathiya, I just wanted to send a bit of encouragement and let you know how much I appreciate DeepClean. Not only have I not looked at pornography in over 6 months, but I have seen SO much healing in so many areas of my life as a...

Thanks to many modern scientists, most people today know about dopamine and dopamine cycles. Science is exploring the myriad functions of dopamine in the brain, but the one thing we can be sure of is that our brain loves dopamine. When you are recovering, this is good to be aware of. Many recovering addicts, in their brain's voracious appetite for dopamine, fall into the trap of edging.

The best way to explain edging is using a numerical system. Imagine that watching pornography is a level 5 dopamine hit and let's say most activities in the day, your brain operates at a level 2. Your brain rarely goes from 2 to 5. Instead, it edges. It will seek something that is a level 3. Maybe it's a social media feed or a few videos online. Nothing that is actually inappropriate, but simply a bit more stimulating than the mundane tasks of work/life. After a while that level 3 starts to get old, so then your brain looks for a level 4. Eventually, you end up at a level 5 – engaging in...

I’ve always been deeply impacted by Romans 8:1 - “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

You’ve probably heard this verse before, I know I had several times. But when I was deeply struggling with porn, this verse hit me like a ton of bricks for one simple reason…

I was violating it in every sense!

When you struggle with porn, it is hard to not condemn yourself. You feel guilty on the regular. Ashamed of your poor decisions. And fearful that you will get caught and lose your job, friends, community. When that is what your life looks like… how could you not condemn yourself?

But this scripture says otherwise. It says that the only requirement to avoid condemnation is to be in Christ Jesus. And though I have many imperfections and despite my 15-year struggle with pornography, I was always and will always continue to be in Christ Jesus.

So if that’s the case, what the heck am I doing condemning myself? And...

“Why is change so hard?”

These were the exact words I muttered under my breath recently as I pioneered a few new projects in the DeepClean community.

So there I was, sitting at my desk, asking a deep philosophical question in pure frustration. And then I remember - change is the only way I can grow.

Some days, I love change and openly embrace the challenges that come with it. Other days, it’s a slog and I’m just trying to keep myself afloat. 

I am fascinated by Jerry Seinfeld, who is one of the most successful comedians of our time. He is unique in many ways, and obviously his massive success in an inspiration.

In a podcast with Tim Ferris at the beginning of this year, he talked about growing as a comedian means honing your craft every single day. In fact, for 4+ decades Jerry has written jokes for an hour every morning. No wonder he’s so funny!

He said something that struck me: You must learn to master your brain. Your mind and brain are not the...