Be real, you've asked yourself at some point whether you 'measure up.' You know what I'm talking about. Whether you took a peek in a locker room or did some research online, I can pretty much bet that at some point you've wondered how your package measures up to the average. If you've had any questions along these lines, this post is for you.
Rather than dance around the subject, let me tell it to you straight. The average length of the human male penis is 4-6 inches (usually it's around 5.1-5.4"). A FAR cry from what is portrayed in pornography, with captions that often flaunt lengths double the average. We frequently discuss the effects of porn on our capacity for connection, ability to experience intimacy, and our overall expectations around sex. Sometimes, we forget to talk about the expectations it creates for our physical bodies.
Between six pack abs, toned muscles, and inhumanely large genitalia, porn often creates a completely false standard of a healthy male body. In...
In 2015, I began working full-time as a pastor – my first salaried job! I was so excited to be part of a local church and facilitate what God was doing both in the area, and in the hearts of those I was serving.
In ministry school, we were taught to always take a day off for self-care and relaxation every week. No exceptions. Didn’t have to tell me twice! While most would take Saturday as their day off, Mondays felt more natural to me at the time (that has changed since). I wanted to rest after Sunday, rather than before.
So every Sunday night, after a full day of ministry, I would turn off the alarm clock and plan the same thing for Monday every single time: nothing. There was no schedule. No agenda. No priorities. No tasks. Nothing. This is pretty hard for anyone to pull off these days in our overstimulated and overworked society, but it is nothing short of a miracle when you are a high-strung Type A like myself!
For reasons that span far beyond my understanding, on...
Here's the deal. The recovery rates for porn addiction, like every other addiction, are not great. We don't have exact figures because porn addiction is so poorly researched compared to other addictions, but suffice to say – the recovery rate is low.
Many of my clients are guys who tried other programs and were frustrated with the results. So they looked for something different.
But there are many more guys out there who have tried a bunch of solutions and none of them worked. They feel hopeless, stuck forever.
"Come on, Sathiya, give us some good news here. What are you trying to say?"
We'll get there :) ...
The question, of course, is why do some solutions work and others don't? Is it the program or the person? The practitioner or the client? Or is it the methodology? Well, there are several possible explanations. For example...
-Once an addict, always an addict. An understandable thought, and in some ways it does explain why the recovery rates would be low. The problem with...
A while back, I interviewed on Real Men Connect, a podcast that helps Christian men become better fathers, husbands, and ultimately, disciples of Christ. The host of the show, Dr. Joe Martin, brought up my family at one point, using a term I had never really heard before.
“You come from good stock,” he said. Good stock. What a fascinating concept. Sure, my parents provided a pretty stable home for us to grow up in and we lived a modest middle-class life, but does that really qualify them as good stock?
It wasn’t until I interviewed him on my podcast that I realized what he was talking about. He grew up in the hood of Miami, like a scene out of Grand Theft Auto. No fathers in sight, no degrees or education. Just a community of people struggling financially, mentally, and spiritually. Eventually, Dr. Joe Martin got out, although his story had several more twists and turns before he found stability in his life.
The point is that you have to give credit where credit is...
The stats aren't in yet, but it is assumed that the pandemic will increase rates of depression, anxiety and other mental illnesses significantly. In my social circles, that is certainly the case, and I imagine that many of the readers, listeners, and clients in the DeepClean community are having similar experiences.
Additionally, I have experienced a lot more anxiety the last 1.5 years than ever before. In fact, I've rarely struggled with anxiety. Sure, I've had anxious moments, but during the pandemic I was experiencing levels of anxiety that I had no idea how to deal with. When I find myself in these positions, my initial response usually is research. I try to find people who have gone through something similar, identify the underlying principles that helped them, and then apply those to my own life uniquely.
This process has led me to identify 2 specific concepts that anyone looking to better manage attraction, anxiety, or thought life in general, should pay attention to.
If you’ve been reading the newsletter the last few months or listening to the New Man Podcast, you’ll know that I have been working on a book.
I’ve decided against going the traditional publisher route, and I have also opted out from normal self-publishing. Instead, I’ve hired a company (Book Launchers) with the resources of a publisher to help me self-publish really well. Some sort of hybrid, I suppose.
You will hear much more on the book in the coming newsletters – the release is likely going to be early 2022. But I had a conversation with someone on my team from Book Launchers that I wanted to share with you.
We have finally finished a grueling editing process (over 5 rounds altogether, each one coming with thousands of edits/suggestions). Now that that’s over, we are on to the fun stuff – naming the book and designing the cover.
My Author Concierge (fancy, right?) asked me, “What is the main feeling you want to evoke in the...
I will be honest with you – my favorite part about DeepClean is the opportunities it creates to talk with other guys about faith, sexuality, and of course...women. Whether it’s at conferences, group coaching calls, or social media, I relish each chance I get to hear someone’s story and discuss the realities of maintaining sexual integrity in a hypersexualized culture.
If the conversation goes long enough, usually the subject of respecting women comes up. It is common for men struggling with a sexual issue (porn, masturbation, lust, prostitution, etc) to voice how disgusted they are with the way they view women. I’ll often hear something to the effect of, “I want to see women the way God does.”
With this in mind, you would think that doing a Bible study and forming friendships with other women would change your heart enough to stop looking at porn. Right?
That’s a start, for sure. But there is more work to be done.
Imagine working a full time job while having two businesses on the side. That's THREE jobs altogether.
Then throw in a 20+ year struggle with porn.
Then throw in a new relationship that was getting serious quick.
And you get...
Lowell joined the DeepClean community with one goal in mind: To resolve the roots issues of his porn addiction. And that's exactly what he did.
We did a deep dive into his internal world. Identified limiting beliefs. Resolved a few wounds from the past. And restructured his God time.
And just a few short months later, Lowell has made MAJOR progress. He has noticed a high correlation between sobriety and God time. The more consistent he is with his God time, the fewer the slips. Funny how that works!
He has also gotten more in touch with his inner life – identifying common triggers and learning to process his emotions.
Best of all – he is ENGAGED! His girlfriend was so pleased with his progress, she felt ready to take it to the next...
Let me just say that my wife and I have had our share of festivities recently. I quit my job to do DeepClean full-time. We are getting ready to move to Jamaica for 6 months (more on that soon), so we were looking for someone to rent out our house. We also need to find a place to live in Jamaica. My brother got married and I was the best man. And to boot – our car was written off in a highway accident.
The good news is, no one was hurt, which in of itself was miraculous considering the accident happened at over 60 mph (that’s 100km/h for my metric readers). But it was yet ANOTHER thing.
To complicate the matter, the accident took place about 2 months prior to the move… so we received an insurance payout, but it made no sense to buy a new car since we were about to leave the country. We started asking around to see if anyone had a car we could borrow for a bit.
By God’s grace we had friends who kindly lent us their vehicle until we moved. So nice! EXCEPT one...
Almost every guy I know wants to get free of porn so they can help other guys. Some guys have big ambitions like starting a ministry/business of their own one day, others simply want to make a difference in their small group or family.
No matter the scale or environment, it is extremely noble. In fact, I myself had the same ambitions when I was addicted. I wanted to get free so I could help others get free too.
So the question is when? When are you able to help others? Do you have to be free for a certain number of days/weeks/months/years?
The answer is – no.
The reality is that you can help people right now. You may not be ready to start your own ministry/business, but that doesn't mean you can't offer help.
"Woah woah Sathiya are you sure? Don't I have to go to school first or at least have a few years of freedom under my belt?"
You may need to do that if you want to start something official. But the truth is that you have something to offer the guys around you right now....
We consulted hundreds of conversations, dozens of recoveries, and several scientific studies to identify 5 KEY practices every recovered man implements. If you are looking to get started on the recovery journey, this guide is for you.