I was confronted with a question recently: Why am I so excited to see my friends/clients/family invest in themselves while reluctant to make similar investments in myself?
I felt handcuffed. It was one of those questions that I had to really think about.
When my clients make decisions to join a gym, confront their boss, quit their jobs to build a business – I rejoice! They are making huge strides that reinforce their personal value.
When my family members take risks and invest their hard earned resources into courses, programs, teachings, etc. There’s no sense of judgement on my end – just delight.
So why oh why do we joyfully cheer those around us to make investments in themselves and pump the brakes any time we get an opportunity to invest in our own lives? Hard to say – but whatever the reason/cause may be – I can officially say I’m done with it.
The picture above is from a recent mastermind I attended in Austin, TX. This is where I was...
Life is too short to not take risks.
It was about 6 months ago that I decided to quit my 9-5, pursue DeepClean full-time, and move to Jamaica for half a year. I don’t think the specifics matter nearly as much as the principle. EVERYONE can move to their “Jamaica.”
For some, that might mean getting married and starting a family.
For others, it might be getting more involved at church or starting a ministry.
Meanwhile, there are other people with a call on their lives to excel creatively – writing songs, creating dances, authoring books and novels.
The list can go on and on, but one thing I know for sure about you – you have dreams.
Those dreams are your “Jamaica.” They’re the land of passion, calling, freedom, goals, destiny, and opportunity. Your path to Jamaica will look different than mine. But one thing is for certain – it will be harder to get there if porn is in the way.
DeepClean is not about eliminating porn from your life...
What do you get when you take an unmarried software engineer, 30+ years of struggling with porn, and a girlfriend who is sick and tired of competing with porn stars?
You get Chris Bielefeldt.
That was his exact situation just half a year ago. Today, he is a new man – thriving in unprecedented levels of freedom, confident in himself, and rekindled with his girlfriend in a way he couldn’t have dreamed when he first set out.
I know that between the podcast name and the general subject matter of our organization around manhood, the “new man” term probably feels a little cliché, but I legitimately don’t know how else to describe the change I’ve seen in Chris. His face looks relaxed, his composure is rock solid (after years of struggling to manage his emotions), and he even stands a bit taller (which is pretty impressive since the guy is 6’8”!).
So how did he turn things around so quickly? Well, I sat down with Chris to ask...
Toxic masculinity has been tainted and tarnished on just about any platform that stands in the name of modern masculinity. But is it deserved? That is the question we're unpacking in today's post. While I am in agreement with the notion of 'toxic masculinity', I am hesitant about the response.
We have wisely identified that toxic masculinity is wreaking havoc on the men (and women, and children) of our society. To be clear, toxic masculinity generally refers to three elements (https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-masculinity-5075107):
1) Toughness – The idea that all men should be physically strong, emotionally indifferent and assert a degree of aggression regularly
2) Antifemininity – Men should ignore emotions (lest they be seen as weak), asking for help, showing nurture towards others, and anything else that is considered feminine
3) Dominance – The notion that men should work towards status financially, socially, vocationally, and otherwise to prove their...
Cheese or no cheese? That is the question I asked myself as I chose between these two beef patties. In case you’ve had Jamaican patties before in a place that was not Jamaica, I just want to let you know it wasn’t even close to the deliciousness of these two bad boys. They taste different here for some reason. But I digress.
Recently, in one of my masterminds, I heard a phrase that I haven’t been able to shake. Before I share it with you, allow me to give a little context.
Freedom 101 is that freedom means you have choice. If you are enslaved to pornography, masturbation, and/or any other sexual behavior, you have little to no choice when a temptation or urge arises. The lack of choice limits your freedom.
Someone with sexual freedom has choice. They will experience temptation, arousal, and urges, but they have multiple options in those moments. These concepts have been the foundation of DeepClean since its inception in December 2018 (hard to believe we are coming...
I still remember the day like it was yesterday. Janis Prins invited a bunch of the boys and girls of our class to her house for a hot tub party on Friday, leaving just two days to get ready. Puberty had recently struck, meaning I had become about 100x more self-conscious since the last time I took my shirt off in front of anyone besides my Mom.
I was excited, but equally scared. I had so much to prove to the girls, how could I get ready for the hot tub party with such short notice?
Sit ups. Duh.
So there I was, sitting in my bed Thursday night, quietly doing 1000 reps so that I could ensure my (non-existent) abs would be perfectly chiseled for Friday evening’s affair. And by 1000, I mean 10.
The night came and went, and not even ONE girl commented on how perfectly refined my six-pack was. Unbelievable! Surely those 10 reps would’ve done the trick.
I kid, but this moment was the start of a long journey to become comfortable in my skin. Or to be more accurate, comfortable...
This month we already tackled the average size of male genitalia, so I thought we might as well tackle another biggy (or averagey, depending on your endowment): sex duration. Porn has notoriously conditioned humanity to believe that the average escapade should last at least 15-20 minutes. I read somewhere that the average full-length porn video is 22 minutes long, although I haven't found a confirmation on that one yet. Regardless, the question remains – what's actually normal?
So here's the thing. When you're calculating duration, there are several factors. Foreplay, physical preparations, intercourse itself, afterplay (things don't end when you're done). For our purposes, we are talking solely about intercourse itself. So what's your guess... any idea how long intercourse lasts on average? Do you think you measure up? Are you in the appropriate range?
Let's really boil this down. Let's say in the average porn video, intercourse lasts 15 minutes. That's enough for a few...
I’ve been really chewing on why DeepClean exists lately. Not in a sabotaging “What’s the point of this thing anyway” kind of way...more just trying to really solidify my roots as to why I’m doing what I’m doing.
These seasons come and go – there are times where we are filled with purpose and passion, and other times where we have to be reminded, otherwise we will not stay the course.
DeepClean started as something that will help people in an area where I struggled and wanted help as well. Now that it’s growing quite steadily, I realize that I need to double down on a deeper purpose.
I don’t have a clear answer yet, but I’ve had this phrase reverberating in my brain the last few weeks.
If you transform the man, you transform the land.
Many of the issues in families today stem from poor fathering or an absent father.
A majority of those imprisoned in both the US & Canada (and likely around the world) are men.
Here's the deal. The recovery rates for porn addiction, like every other addiction, are not great. We don't have exact figures because porn addiction is so poorly researched compared to other addictions, but suffice to say – the recovery rate is low.
Many of my clients are guys who tried other programs and were frustrated with the results. So they looked for something different.
But there are many more guys out there who have tried a bunch of solutions and none of them worked. They feel hopeless, stuck forever.
"Come on, Sathiya, give us some good news here. What are you trying to say?"
We'll get there :) ...
The question, of course, is why do some solutions work and others don't? Is it the program or the person? The practitioner or the client? Or is it the methodology? Well, there are several possible explanations. For example...
-Once an addict, always an addict. An understandable thought, and in some ways it does explain why the recovery rates would be low. The problem with...
There are four magnifiers in life - time, authority, money and marriage. What do they magnify?
If you want to see what you’re really made of, endure any or a combination of those four things.
When I was in my early 20s, at the peak of my porn addiction (or trough depending on how you look at it), a mentor taught me this principle. It instantly clicked. I realized how wrong I was to think that marriage would cure my issues with p0rn and masturbation. If anything, it would make them worse.
So I went to work. First, will power. Then, internet filters. Then, accountability partners. Then an internet filter with a built-in accountability partner. They were all good, just incomplete. Several binge-purge cycles later, I had enough. I needed something that was going to help me stay free long-term.
All the while, I prayed that God would keep my spouse on hold. I was dying to meet her, but I needed to fix this p0rn thing first.
Many programs, counseling appointments, personal...