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Dealing with Uncertainty in Life

Uncategorized Apr 07, 2022

One of my friends recently pointed out that as the world starts to settle down from the pandemic (in a majority of places) and we are eagerly awaiting a return to some degree of normalcy, we are now faced with a war that has global implications.

So much for settling down!

I still remember in March 2020, my boss called an emergency staff meeting to explain that we were going to start working from home for 2 weeks. By April 1, 2020, the pandemic would be over and things would be back to normal.

So much for normal!

I told everyone I knew many years ago that I was going to become a psychiatrist – it was my ultimate goal in life. Then I gave my life to Christ and God called me to full-time ministry.

So much for med school!

The only thing that is certain in life is uncertainty.

While that may be frustrating to hear for someone like me who enjoys meticulous scheduling, spreadsheets, and 20-year visions, the reality is we all need to build capacity for flexibility.

If we don’t,...

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Clinical Breakdown: The Link Between ADHD & Addiction

Uncategorized Apr 07, 2022

I had the chance to sit down with Dr. Tamara Rosier recently, one of America's leading experts on the subject of ADHD, specifically from a neurological perspective. She shared something in our interview that really shocked me. The ADHD brain will get addicted to something. Period. No questions asked. As I started to poke around, it turns out that the wiring of the brain is different when you have ADHD, and these differences are subject to addictive and compulsive behaviors.

If you have ADHD (or speculate you have ADHD), you may be thinking, "Oh great. Guess that's it for me." But there's hope, and lots of it!

For starters, protective factors can often mitigate the impact of ADHD on someone's life in the early years, and ultimately reduce their propensity for addiction. What is a protective factor? Here are some examples (this is not a comprehensive list but hopefully gives you an idea):
-Growing up with two parents in the home
-Having an educated parent/parents

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Handling Life Transitions

Uncategorized Mar 31, 2022

If there is one thing that is certain in this life it is change.

We are all creatures of comfort by default. Those who are not have likely conditioned themselves away from their innate tendencies. The brain gravitates towards convenience and comfort. 

Interestingly enough, the brain also loves novelty! This is actually the birthplace of many addictions and the reason why porn can be so invasive. New content, genres and experiences are paradise for the human brain.

This is why life transitions can bring about great excitement and great fear.

When guys join DeepClean, they have typically undergone transitions. 

Sometimes they are exciting transitions – a recent engagement/marriage, the birth of their firstborn child, a career change, a new city. Other times, they are harder transitions – separation, divorce, getting fired, etc. 

Whether the transition is a blessing or a challenge, it is often these changes that drive men to realize they must...

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FAQ: Should I Stop Having Sex During Recovery?

Uncategorized Mar 31, 2022

Many recovery programs recommend abstaining from all forms of orgasm while you recover from porn addiction – that includes having sex. At DeepClean, we do not uphold that stance (with one exception). I have tremendous value for that approach, but we have a few very specific reasons that we choose a different way to handle the recovery process.
For starters, I want to be clear that I am talking to married people primarily (or those of you who intend to be married one day), because I believe that sex is for marriage. If you are unmarried (single, dating, or engaged) then I believe that abstaining from sex should be part of your recovery.

I am also fully aware that many Christian couples are not waiting to have sex today, and if you are in that camp, you should still read this article.

The basic mindset around avoiding sex during recovery is that your brain and body need a reset. Your body has become addicted to the orgasm – the climax of a sexual experience. So if you want...

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The Best Part about 6 years of Freedom

Uncategorized Mar 24, 2022

Last month marked 6 years since my last relapse. I can hardly believe it! 

In those 2200+ days, I have:

  • Married the woman of my dreams
  • Launched a business that’s helped hundreds of guys get free
  • Moved to Jamaica (for 6 months)
  • Bought a house by the beach
  • Dramatically improved my fitness
  • Traveled to 10+ countries

The list could go on.

Gee, thanks Sathiya… you wrote this post to brag about how great your life is now that you’re free of porn?

Not at all. But I STILL remember what it was like to be addicted. To be afraid of getting caught and losing my job. To enter into marriage with hidden baggage that could destroy our intimacy. 

The sense of worthlessness and shame lingering every single day, especially after slips. And the pure frustration that my relationship with God was suffering as a result.

I’m often asked, “what’s the best thing about being free?” and the answer always comes back to the same thing: security. To be...

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FAQ: How Can I Be Attractive?

Uncategorized Mar 24, 2022

Whether you are single or in a relationship, men want to be attractive. We want to know that we are desirable and worthy of attention. Sometimes we fear that having these desires makes us vain or superficial, but the reality is they are innate. The question then is how can you be attractive? And the answer may surprise you.

When I was in ministry school, we had a module devoted to healthy relationships taught by a seasoned clinical psychologist from the south who worked for some of America's largest megachurches.

I was single at the time, so when he began talking about how to be attractive my ears perked up. He went on this long discourse about what a girl wants versus what a guy wants and what guys should be doing while they're single and so on. It was all really good.

Then he made this statement that CHANGED EVERYTHING.

"Men," he said with his southern drawl, "You may think that you need to have a fancy car, big salary, or nice hair to get yourself a pretty lady. But you're wrong....

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Clinical Breakdown: Three Situations To Avoid At All Costs During Recovery

Uncategorized Mar 17, 2022

You may have heard of the abbreviation HALT, which is used to describe 4 conditions that impair your decision-making abilities (HALT = Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired). I have heard this term used in an addiction environment, but found it to be only partially useful. In the DeepClean community, we use the expression BLT, which seems to address the three most common conditions for relapse. If you understand BLT, then you can begin to prevent relapses from happening.

I should start by saying that BLT really is about articulating a STATE that you may find yourself in which leaves you vulnerable for porn consumption. While accounting for your environment is very important, it is likely not a complete solution in of itself. In addition to guarding against BLT, I highly recommend that you are doing the inner work necessary to resolve the roots of your addiction.

When we say avoid BLTS, we are specifically referring to situations where you are Bored, Lonely or Tired. These seem to be the...

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God's Promise for your Life

Uncategorized Mar 17, 2022

About 11 years ago, I was in a season of personal renewal. I had committed my life to Jesus, surrendered my psychiatry dreams to pursue ministry, and was devouring ANYTHING in sight that would help me further my relationship with God.

My greatest fear in this season was that God would call me to be a local church pastor like my Dad. I love and respect my Dad, but I wanted to do something different if I was going to be in ministry.

This led me to an evening meeting at our church where a prophetic leader was brought in to minister. You may have different beliefs about modern prophecy than myself, I’m hoping you can put that aside so that you learn from this important story. 

Below is the word that I was given…pay attention to the emphasized parts…

Whether you believe in prophecy or not, what I want you to see is that something was spoken over my life about what I could do and accomplish…11 years ago! And here we are today – nearly everything...

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My Personal Secret to Long-Term Success

Uncategorized Mar 10, 2022

I got completely caught off guard while interviewing on Frank’s Rich “The Superhuman Life” podcast recently.

I was sharing about The Last Relapse, observations about the recovery space at large, and some of the most effective tools/principles that have helped our guys recover over the years. It was more or less a smooth and clean interview.

Then at the end, Frank asked me, “So what’s something you never talk about on podcasts that you know would help my audience?”

I replied immediately by talking about what a great question that was and how nobody ever asked me that, etc. — all of it a covert way to buy me some time while I thought about my answer!

Somewhere in my ramblings, I had a moment of clarity – and I knew that what I was about to share was going to have some major ripples.

When I was studying medicine, there was a mantra that most of the students held: work hard, play hard. That meant studying day and night during the...

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Clinical Breakdown: Do Porn Addicts Experience Withdrawal Symptoms?

Uncategorized Mar 10, 2022

It's well understood that drug addicts and alcoholics can experience nasty withdrawal symptoms when they start to get clean – shakes, shivers, agitation, cravings, etc. These are classic symptoms of substance addictions. What about behavioral addictions like porn? These kinds of addictions have their own set of withdrawals, and the better you understand them, the better you can prepare.

As we explore 5 of the most common withdrawal symptoms porn addicts experience, you must remember that these will not last forever. In fact, often after the first few weeks they subside and the positive effects of sobriety begin to sink in.

1) Mood – One of the most common withdrawal symptoms in any addiction is the impact on mood. Irritability, mood swings and depression are commonly experienced shortly after. If you were watching porn daily, you'll start to notice the mood swings even after a few days. If your consumption is weekly or a couple of times a month, it may take longer to...

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