This is not the first (nor last) picture of Grandpa Sam that I have included in one of these newsletters. From 2015-2017, when I was really starting to break free of pornography and sexual sin, I began to take a huge interest in my Grandpa and Grandma’s life. I would visit them regularly, ask questions about their childhoods, and try to understand our family story in more detail.
Unfortunately, my Grandma passed away in July 2017, but I am very grateful for the stories and wisdom she shared with me before her death. I would take notes profusely when we spent time together and I review them periodically now.
When I reflected on this season of deep searching into my grandparent’s lives, and truthfully – my family history, I began to wonder why? Why was it so important I understand these parts of our family’s history?
It took some time to reflect, contemplate and get the bottom of it. But eventually, I had a pretty stark realization – by better...
One of my favorite parts about the work I get to do at DeepClean is the group coaching calls. I often feel like I am watching men literally transform before my very eyes as they grow in vulnerability, experience breakthroughs, and form relationships with each other. It is a beautiful thing. We always leave room in these calls for questions, and one was asked recently that created quite a stir. Should you be dating if you are struggling with porn?
There are basically two camps here. One camp says: Get clean first, then date. You don't want to bring your sexual struggles into a relationship, it's going to complicate things, especially if it gets serious. If opportunities come along, check with God and make sure, but as a rule of thumb, say no for the time being until you get your stuff sorted out.
The other camp says: Look, we all have our struggles. No one is expecting you to be perfect. If you struggle with porn and an opportunity comes up, you shouldn't back down. But you have to...
Christmas Day, 2021. Sathiya’s first Christmas in Jamaica. It was +30 degrees. The sun was shining. Birds were singing. I was wearing my new shirt that my in-laws bought me (lovely choice if I do say so myself). And I was COMPLETELY MISERABLE.
You may not be able to tell, but the smile in that picture was pretty much forced. I was a grumpy Gus Christmas day and it was for one simple reason.
I was sick. There was a bug going around and I happened to get it just before Christmas Day. Nothing in me wanted to show up for Christmas dinner, but I didn’t move all the way to Jamaica for the winter only to spend Christmas Day in bed!
So I got dressed, put on my best smile, and had a fantastic evening. The food was delicious and the company was even better. By the end of the evening, I was already starting to feel better. A couple days later I was back to normal.
The experience reminded me of an adage I picked up a few years ago from someone I deeply admire and...
Anytime something becomes commonplace, society tends to accept it as being "normal." Whether it's pursuing an education, the consumption of fast-food, or viewing pornography, the more the masses are engaging with it, the more it becomes culturally acceptable. With porn consumption continually on the rise, both by men and women individually, AND couples together, it begs the question – what is the impact? The stats and studies are very revealing.
There are two different situations to explore here. The first is when only one party is watching pornography and presumably, the other is not. The second situation is when both parties are watching pornography together with the intent of enhancing their sex life.
One Party Watching
Drs. John & Julie Gottam put it best: Use of pornography by one partner leads the couple to have far less sex and ultimately reduces relationship satisfaction...We are led to unconditionally conclude that for many reasons, pornography poses a serious...
Beauty is best found in simplicity.
My wife and I got away with family and friends to a beautiful resort in Negril, Jamaica for Christmas. We were privy to sunsets like these pretty much every single day. A very different experience for a born-and-raised Canadian like myself!
This photo was taken without a filter or any editing, except one small tweak. Light exposure. As I reduced the light exposure, the elements of the sunset became more pronounced.
I don’t know about you, but I have this way of complicating things unnecessarily. I add spices to food that shouldn’t be added. I create new projects that don’t need to be created. I design spreadsheets and checklists to keep track of the simplest things. The list goes on.
I am regularly reminding myself of the brilliant acronym KISS – Keep It Simple, Sathiya (if you don’t know the actual acronym, look it up. You’ll appreciate the hilarity). Sometimes when you remove the complexities and color...
So you've probably seen recovery systems that count streaks – 3 days free, 4 weeks free, 6 months free, etc. And you've probably seen other camps that are against streak counting because it's a superficial metric (I tend to be more in this camp). That's all well and good, but it begs the question – if you don't have external metrics, how do you measure success? Well, we've actually come up with a metric at DeepClean that answers this question head on.
The metric is called the trendline. If you go back to grade 8 math, you learned how to create a graph. You learned that there is an independent variable on the x-axis and a dependent variable on the y-axis and you learned how to plot points based on their coordinates (sorry if all the math language just brought back grade school trauma).
As an example, let's say you were trying to figure out if playing more video games led to better grades (to use a completely hypothetical example that definitely in no way reflects my...
If you've ever watched pornography, you know that it can be a slippery slope. Thresholds for pleasure and content intensity can increase, leading us to places we never imagined were possible. It is important to know that for starters, you are not defined by what you watch, no matter how dark/intense it may be. There are neurological concepts at play that often drive us to these places and that is good news because our brains can change.
There are two particular concepts we're going to focus on for the purposes of this article. The first is that novelty enhances pleasure. This is a well-understood concept in both clinical and research environments. When you are experiencing something new for the first time, it amplifies the experience of pleasure, whether the situation is sexual or not. Think about the first time you had ice cream or the first time you had french fries. Magical experiences, right? Because not only are you experiencing something delicous/pleasurable, you're...
These are the faces of two very excited Toronto Raptor fans circa June 2019. For the first time in the history of the franchise, Canada’s only NBA team was on top of the basketball world. My wife and I basically celebrated for 2 days straight. This picture was taken as we got ready for the championship parade through downtown Toronto.
I’ve been struck lately by watching sports in empty arenas as another wave of COVID starts to impact our day-to-day functioning. An empty sports arena just seems plain wrong. What is the point if there aren’t copious amounts of cheering fans to enjoy the display of athleticism and raw talent?!
Recently, while watching my beloved Toronto Raptors play the New York Knicks in an empty Scotiabank Arena, I realized how lonely I felt watching the game. How odd! If you would have asked me two years ago what I love most about watching sports, it would have been an easy response.
The players. The talent. The entertainment.
But I realized that ...
“What’s up everyone, my name is Sathiya and I’m the porn guy!”
I’m not even joking, that is pretty much word for word what I said as this picture was taken. The room exploded with laughter. There’s something really powerful about simply owning who you are and what you do.
It’s taken me a long time to get here. When I first started out, I was scared to even put the word “porn” in an Instagram post. I didn’t want to offend people or come across too strongly. Funny how much has changed in just a few short years.
Today I am on some of the top-ranked platforms in the world talking about my own struggle with porn, how I got free, and the program I’ve created to help other guys get free now. I’ve done my share of media appearances (National TV, top 1% podcasts, etc), but with the pending release of The Last Relapse, things have gone to another level.
Sometimes when I step on stages or hit record for an interview, I...
When I was addicted to porn for 15 years, there were almost zero resources out there offering any kind of useful insight or support to recover from porn addiction. In fact, the lack of resources that I experienced during my recovery is what fueled me to create this weekly newsletter and a daily podcast. Thankfully, more resources are available today than ever before and I wanted to share with you a few that I highly recommend.
You'll notice that some of these resources are more directly tied to porn addiction than others, and there is a good reason for that. Sometimes the best resources don't necessary speak straight to the issue, they speak straight to the heart. If they heal the heart, they'll likely help the addiction too.
1. Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson This is one of the most important books written in the 2000s concerning this subject. The late Gary Wilson compiled vast amounts of research, data, and supporting evidence (stories) to create this incredibly...
We consulted hundreds of conversations, dozens of recoveries, and several scientific studies to identify 5 KEY practices every recovered man implements. If you are looking to get started on the recovery journey, this guide is for you.