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FAQ: What If Everything I've Tried Isn't Working?

Uncategorized Sep 30, 2021

Here's the deal. The recovery rates for porn addiction, like every other addiction, are not great. We don't have exact figures because porn addiction is so poorly researched compared to other addictions, but suffice to say – the recovery rate is low.
Many of my clients are guys who tried other programs and were frustrated with the results. So they looked for something different.
But there are many more guys out there who have tried a bunch of solutions and none of them worked. They feel hopeless, stuck forever.

"Come on, Sathiya, give us some good news here. What are you trying to say?"

We'll get there :) ...

The question, of course, is why do some solutions work and others don't? Is it the program or the person? The practitioner or the client? Or is it the methodology? Well, there are several possible explanations. For example...

-Once an addict, always an addict. An understandable thought, and in some ways it does explain why the recovery rates would be low. The problem with this explanation is that there are stories EVERYWHERE of guys who were severely addicted achieving a complete recovery. Myself included. So while this is nice-sounding rhetoric, it's simply untrue. I also have a beef with people calling themselves addicts, but I'll save that for another day.
-People don't fully apply the program. Honestly, this is usually a cop-out for practitioners/clinicians/coaches to defend their program and system. "If you applied it perfectly you would've got free." The honest truth is that is very unlikely. If someone has given their best effort and didn't get the results they wanted, you cannot blame them. They tried their best. However, if someone signs up for a program, gives 50% and then doesn't get the results they want – then I suppose we could say that if the program was fully applied it could've helped more.
-Recovery takes time. This one is absolutely true. It takes on average 2-5 years to recover! That's a really long time. For me personally, it took closer to 5 years. This is why I set out to create DeepClean – so that guys could recover much more quickly. But the reality is still takes time. Patience and perseverance are some of the greatest virtues you can uphold in the recovery journey.
-Recovery Is Complex. In my opinion, this is the best explanation we have and yes, I realize it is hardly an explanation. We are dealing with complicated, under-the-surface issues of complex human beings! Recovery is not a cookie-cutter approach. Everyone requires different things to experience a full recovery. Which is why if everything you've tried isn't working, there's only one thing you must do: Keep trying. You can look back at your track record of 4 programs that still haven't got you fully free and think "Wow I guess I'm stuck here forever." Or you can realize that you are THAT much closer to getting fully free. Each program helps. Each step makes a difference. And as you keep doing it, you inch closer and closer to freedom.

The one thing I'll say is that if you have really applied yourself consistently to a certain practice for a few months and you aren't identifying any progress – externally or internally – then it's time to shake it up. As an example, if you journal consistently for a few months and don't notice much of a difference, put the journal down and try something else. It pains to me write that because I love journaling so much, but Einstein defined insanity as trying the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.

No matter where you are, you have never been closer to getting free. Even the hardest of relapses push you closer to freedom if you frame them correctly. So if everything you've tried hasn't worked. Keep trying. Don't give up. Your breakthrough is likely just around the corner.

Cheering you on,

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