Have you ever wondered why God gave you such a high sex drive? Or why you just can't stop checking girls out no matter what? Did someone tell you that you're just a sexual being and this is the way you're wired? What if I told you there's actually a much simpler reason for it all, and it boils down to the simple differences between cravings and appetite?
Let's set the record straight here. We all have sexual appetite, and we all have sexual cravings. Appetite is innate, fundamental. Cravings are psychological.
The mistake that we see a lot of guys make is the assumption that appetite and cravings are the same thing. They are not. Think of this in a food context – a majority of our eating is cravings-based (psychological). We eat to comfort, numb, soothe, etc. Sometimes we eat just because it looks tasty. That is different than eating because you are hungry (or have appetite).
The reality is that your sexual appetite is incredibly low! You do not need sex or an orgasm to survive. I survived the first 14 years of my life without an orgasm, and once I quit porn in February 2016, I went several years without an orgasm before marrying my wife. My balls didn't explode. And I didn't become some decrepit, sexless, mongrel. In fact, if anything, I grew in my sexuality during those years.
Little of what we experience sexually is appetite. However, do not forget that sex IS satiating from an emotional, psychological and spiritual standpoint. We have much stronger appetites in these areas, however sex is not the only way that we can experience satisfaction within them. In fact, there are several other options that will have a much greater impact emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually.
Most of what we experience sexually is craving. It is purely psychological – something triggering, arousing stimulus, fantasy, etc – and most of it is to meet other needs and desires taking place deeper within us. This is fantastic news! If most of what you experienced sexually was appetite, then you would have little to no solutions. The fact that it is mostly psychological means that you can adapt.
So if you're looking to tone down the sexual cravings, here are a few things to consider:
1) Find The Origin. Cravings are symptoms - figure out what they are providing for you.
2) Keep Perspective. Cravings are temporary, they do not last. This is true for food and it's true for sex too. In the moment you may feel like you have no choice but to satisfy the craving. That's a lie.
3) Examine The Pattern. The reality is that we have formed patterns psychologically and behaviorally that foster cravings. The better you understand where that pattern developed and the nuances of the pattern itself, the better chance you have to break it.
4) Reach Out. As uncomfortable as it may sound, being able to talk to someone when you feel triggered is unbelievably powerful. Short term pain for long term gain.
These are just a few ways you can get the ball rolling if you want to handle cravings better, but the ultimate message here is simple: Much of what you experience sexually is NOT appetite, it is craving. That is great news for you because it puts you in the driver's seat. You are the one in control and no matter what your patterns have been until now, you get to decide how you move forward.
Cheering you on,
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