Recovery does not have to be a long, drawn out process. It is really a matter of finding the FEW things that work and going ALL IN on them. These few things will vary from person to person, but I guarantee that they will include these three things I'm about to share.
My aim with DeepClean (our system for helping guys resolve the root issues of porn), Unleash The Man Within (our daily podcast that reaches thousands around the world every week), and my bestselling book The Last Relapse (which has been featured on national television and endorsed by some of the world's leading experts in porn addiction), is to help you AVOID the rookie mistakes I made so that you can essentially hit the "recovery fast-track" asap.
We teach our men to do these three regularly and we literally watch their lives change before our very eyes.
1) Find Someone You Can OPENLY Share With On A Regular Basis. We call this a "spotter". NOT an accountability partner. We're interested in forming meaningful connection, not confession.
The addiction research continues to show that disconnection, disorganized attachment, and isolation are seedbeds for developing toxic compulsive behavior. There is also good research showing that when a person builds a sense of belonging, has meaningful relationships in their life, and is part of something bigger than themselves, their lean towards the compulsive behavior dramatically decreases.
2) Talk To God Every Single Day. Pray, read your Bible, worship, fast, dance, speak in tongues, it doesn't matter. Pick something that connects your heart with God's and do it every day for 5 minutes without exception.
While some recovery solutions require a cost of time, energy, money, or otherwise, this one literally requires no capital. God is omnipresent and ever-available, and He is by far the best resource you have access to while in recovery.
3) Ask Yourself "What Is Porn Offering Me?"
This question literally leads you straight to the root issues. Ask it again and again and again until you can clearly articulate the root using 7 words or less. For me personally, porn offered me a sense of control (an issue that I have been working on for a very long time). It meant no risk of being rejected (aka. I could control the 'outcome' of the interaction) and it allowed me to imagine myself in the videos where the man was often 'taking control' of the situation.
Then the question is - what does control offer me? Well, it offered a sense of security, minimal risk/unpredictable outcomes, and a sense that I was powerful.
Do you see how asking this question can lead to some pretty deep aspects of this? Once I had clarity on these aspects of my addiction, I had intel for what my solution would require. In this case, I had to find healthy ways to experience power and control in my life, and I needed to uproot the areas of my life where I felt powerless (toxic relationships, poor mindsets, etc).
There is a beautiful synergy dynamic between these 3 elements. If you do #1 and #2 effectively, you will get to the roots much faster (#3). Talking to another person AND to God will help you gain clarity on what is really taking place internally.
If you do #3 properly, then #1 and #2 will help you reach an effective solution more quickly. Much of my revelations during recovery came while I was talking to a trusted friend or spending time with God. As I explored some of the underlying causes a bit more and then discussed them, my solutions started to crystalize and the necessary action points would quickly surface.
This isn't complicated, but it takes effort. We see lives changing all the time because of these 3 concepts - yours can too if you take them seriously.
Keep it simple. Go all in. Watch what happens.
Cheering you on,
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