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"You Need An Outlet Like This To Stay Free"

Uncategorized Jul 07, 2021

Feast your eyes on this decadent 5-layer brownie cake featuring a chocolate chip brownie base, double stuff oreo layer, buttercream filling, covered in a semi-sweet chocolate glaze and topped with whip cream. This beauty was made by yours truly for my wife on her birthday. You might call this a lovely gesture, I call it foreplay. More on that in a future newsletter, but the point is – these kind acts go a long way for intimacy in a marriage.

So am I the best baker this planet has ever seen? Likely.

I kid. But for real, I take serious pride in my baking. It’s become a bit of a passion point over the years. I first stumbled upon this hobby several years ago when I began pastoring. Since Sunday was a workday, I took Mondays off. Without fail, I would wake up Mondays with something on my mind that I wanted to bake.

Cheesecake, banana bread, muffins, you name it. If it came to mind, I would find a recipe and give it a go. I had my share of failures along the way (baking cheesecakes in a water bath is challenging – let’s just put it that way) but even when things went wrong, I still had the time of my life. It was strange, to say the least.

Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mind it one bit. The fruits of my labor were delicious and I got to share them with my friends and family. But in the back of my mind, I wondered why I had suddenly taken a fascination with baking. And then one day it hit me.

I loved seeing a finished product the same day.

Here I was working as a pastor, investing day in and day out into imperfect people on journeys that were going to take an eternity (literally). So on a regular basis, while I was putting in much effort, I rarely had much to “show for it.” Of course, God was doing work in the lives of my congregants, but these things take time before there are tangible results.

The impatient part of me wanted results right away but I quickly learned that wasn’t going to happen with the people I was pastoring. Instead, baking was a way that I could see a finished product right away.

Perhaps you can relate.

I know that many men love the idea of getting free of porn, but then they don’t see the results a couple of weeks in and wonder if anything is happening. Trust me – plenty of work is happening, it simply takes time before the work becomes more visible. 

In the meantime, we need outlets that evoke feelings of progress. It could be painting or writing a song. Or taking on a project at home. There are no limits, but having these outlets integrated into the rhythms of your life is critical support for the recovery journey. It will keep you grounded, confident, and headed in the right direction.

Cheering you on,


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