DeepClean™

It is quite possible that growing up in the church has left you addicted to porn. And if that is the case, you should know – you’re not alone.

Not even close.

Some context for me personally…

-I grew up Christian
-Went to Christian school
-My dad was a pastor and I was a Sunday School superstar: Pageants, Hallowe'en alternative parties, Christmas plays, you name it. I even played organ for the choir at one point (hence the photo).

Church was life.

I heard two messages about sexuality loud and clear growing up in the church:

1) Sex is for marriages only
2) Porn = bad

The result of that messaging? A 15 year addiction to pornography.

It's borderline miraculous that I have been free for 6.5 years now and get to speak into the lives of thousands of people on a regular basis about this issue.

The real question is – how?

Well, let me start by saying it’s not an easy process.

For starters, I had to accept that the church was comprised of imperfect people...

One of the greatest discoveries of modern science in the last 20 years has been the profound impacts of breathing.

We’ve known breathing to be quite literally vital for survival, but only recently are we discovering that your breath can be engaged to improve immunity, mental health, and many other areas of your life.

Typically, in addiction circles, breathwork is brought up for one of two reasons:

1. It clears the mind, sharpens your focus, and provides the necessary inner development for lasting freedom
2. In the heat of a moment (temptation, trigger, etc.) you can ‘breathe your way through it’

While I understood both aspects to a decent extent, I had an experience recently that dramatically enhanced my perspective.

This photo was taken at a recent mastermind retreat. They flew in a Wim Hoff certified instructor to teach us breathwork and conduct an ice bath experience.

If you aren’t familiar with the concept, an ice bath is exactly what it sounds like...

Narcissism has become a commonplace term in mental health conversations lately. Today's article explains the concept in greater detail, highlighting indicators of narcissism, the adverse effects it has on the individual and their loved ones, and ways to heal from it.

For starters, it should be known that this is a mental condition, it is not simply a personality type. This is an important notation because nearly everyone has experienced elements of narcissism in their life at some point. That is very different than the mental condition. Please bear that in mind as you read.

Narcissism is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. While all of us may have moments of narcissism, those that suffer from this condition think and behave this way on a regular basis.

Typical symptoms of narcissism include:
-An exaggerated sense of...

I am incredibly fortunate to live just 2 minutes from the beach.

It’s not the glorious, Jamaican, ocean-coast beaches that you saw in some of my photos a few months ago.

It’s more of a ‘great lake’, secluded, middle-of-the-pack kind of beach. But still, a beach that is just around the corner!

I love going to the beach because after just a short walk, I feel like I am in a mini-paradise. No cares in the world, just (seemingly) endless water, fresh air, and sand between my toes. For obvious reasons, I’ve made beach visits a regular part of my wind down routine after work.

And while I am incredibly grateful for such a cathartic environment more or less in my backyard, it comes with a downside.

Skin.

Once the weather warms up and more people frequent the beaches, skin starts showing up everywhere.

You know what I’m talking about – short shorts, bikinis, and everything in between.

Back in the day, I loved these environments. It was a lust buffet...

A common point of friction in marriage is the frequency of sex. Inevitably, one person in a marriage will always have a higher sex drive than the other – and it's not always the guy. Many of our expectations around sex are influenced by our upbringing and culture, in addition to our individual preferences and personas, but today's article examines the subject from a more objective standpoint.

We recently had Sheila Wray-Gregoire on the podcast. If you aren't familiar with her work, she wrote The Great Sex Rescue, and has more or less made it her mission to debunk the many misnomers that exist in Christian circles around sex and sexuality. While all of her content is exceptionally insightful, she shared an insight regarding sex frequency in a marriage that I haven't been able to shake.

I still remember when I was packing for my honeymoon, a couple of days before I married Shaloma. Bathing suit - check. Shorts - check. T-shirt - check. Sunglasses - check. 4 boxes of...

In Genesis 30, there is a fascinating story about Jacob.

The time has come where the dues he owed Laban for his daughters are settled. He doesn’t owe anything and he is ready to work for himself.

Laban begs Jacob to say, because it is clear that Jacob has a grace for prosperity on his life. Under Jacob’s leadership, Laban’s estate had grown significantly.

Both reach a middle ground where Jacob continues to steward the flock, but is allowed to take the speckled & spotted goats, and the brown lambs – these would be considered much less valuable since they were not purebred.

Laban happily agrees to Jacob’s generous offer. Then Jacob’s sneaky side comes out.

Somehow, Jacob discovers that if the goats and sheep are looking at something that is speckled, they reproduce speckled offspring (obviously this makes no sense but it’s old testament Bible times we’re talking about here!!)

So he begins to manipulate the breeding patterns of the...

You've been told that the alcoholic is addicted to alcohol, the gambler is addicted to gambling, and the porn addict is addicted to porn. But some of the science would suggest this is not actually true. In fact, neuroscience has uncovered that whether it is a substance or behavior that you compulsively engage in, you're actually addicted to something else...and it's not what you think.

When I was addicted to pornography, I would go to a porn search engine, type in a few keywords, and have access to millions of options. Then, I would open each video that intrigued me in a new tab, creating a 'queue' of content to peruse. I'd watch one, scroll to the scenes I really wanted to see, and then move on. Sound familiar?

Some are theorizing that this exact behavior pattern encompasses the epitome of addiction. It's the same reason that a gambling addict says "hit me" even though he knows odds are stacked a mile high against him. The reason that an alcohol tells himself he can handle 'just...

A lot of the guys struggling with porn addiction are afraid to reach out and get help. It's totally understandable – this is a personal subject and the idea of having someone involved in these parts of your life is scary. However, most men who want help in this area would leap if the right opportunity presented itself. This article explores how to find these opportunities.

1) Trust Is Everything – You must trust the people you work with, period. If you don't, you are wasting your time. Don't engage in a process because it's the right thing to do or because you were nagged to do it. You must trust the people you're working with, otherwise you will not make the necessary changes in your life to experience full freedom. Listen to their podcast, read their blogs or books, join their mailing list, follow them on social. See if you can identify/relate with them.

2) Don't Use The Consistency Excuse – A lot of guys fear being part of a program that requires regular calls,...

Do you feel alone in your struggle?

Most men do.

They have no one to tell.
Nowhere to get help.
And no one who truly knows them.

So they try to do it on their own…

Thinking that’s better than running the risk of being seen.

But I want to let you know – nothing could be further from the truth.

The research is making it crystal clear that the opposite of addiction is NOT sobriety, it’s connection.

The reason most people watch porn has nothing to do with porn.

It’s an intimacy deficiency. A connection disorder.

And it’s why experiencing meaningful connection is SO powerful for someone in recovery.

We’ve recently added a community building night to our program, DeepClean, because I am more convinced now than ever that connection is the way forward for long-term recovery.

So let me ask you – are you doing this alone? And if so – how’s that working out for you?

If you aren’t doing it alone, then let me ask you...

We recently had Jason Vallotton on our podcast share about why he is convinced that 90% of society’s issues stem from fatherlessness.

The world at large is more fatherless today than ever before.

Parents are splitting up.

Dads are walking out.

Masculinity is being redefined.

And as a result, many issues have ensued.

In fact some studies show that when the father is present – forget if he’s actually a good father or not – the impact is notable:

-Children have better social skills
-Children generally perform better in school
-Children are more likely to have a higher socio-economic status

The list goes on…

In case you aren’t convinced… one study estimated that as much as 90% of imprisoned men in America are fatherless!

I don’t know what your father was like.

He may have been ever-present, loving and kind.

Or maybe he was absent from Day 1.

Can I give you a piece of advice?

Give thanks – fathers are a gift.

The role of a...