DeepClean™

Toxic masculinity has been tainted and tarnished on just about any platform that stands in the name of modern masculinity. But is it deserved? That is the question we're unpacking in today's post. While I am in agreement with the notion of 'toxic masculinity', I am hesitant about the response.

We have wisely identified that toxic masculinity is wreaking havoc on the men (and women, and children) of our society. To be clear, toxic masculinity generally refers to three elements (https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-toxic-masculinity-5075107):
1) Toughness – The idea that all men should be physically strong, emotionally indifferent and assert a degree of aggression regularly
2) Antifemininity – Men should ignore emotions (lest they be seen as weak), asking for help, showing nurture towards others, and anything else that is considered feminine
3) Dominance – The notion that men should work towards status financially, socially, vocationally, and otherwise to prove their...

I still remember the day like it was yesterday. Janis Prins invited a bunch of the boys and girls of our class to her house for a hot tub party on Friday, leaving just two days to get ready. Puberty had recently struck, meaning I had become about 100x more self-conscious since the last time I took my shirt off in front of anyone besides my Mom.

I was excited, but equally scared. I had so much to prove to the girls, how could I get ready for the hot tub party with such short notice?

Sit ups. Duh.

So there I was, sitting in my bed Thursday night, quietly doing 1000 reps so that I could ensure my (non-existent) abs would be perfectly chiseled for Friday evening’s affair. And by 1000, I mean 10.

The night came and went, and not even ONE girl commented on how perfectly refined my six-pack was. Unbelievable! Surely those 10 reps would’ve done the trick.

I kid, but this moment was the start of a long journey to become comfortable in my skin. Or to be more accurate, comfortable...

This month we already tackled the average size of male genitalia, so I thought we might as well tackle another biggy (or averagey, depending on your endowment): sex duration. Porn has notoriously conditioned humanity to believe that the average escapade should last at least 15-20 minutes. I read somewhere that the average full-length porn video is 22 minutes long, although I haven't found a confirmation on that one yet. Regardless, the question remains – what's actually normal?

So here's the thing. When you're calculating duration, there are several factors. Foreplay, physical preparations, intercourse itself, afterplay (things don't end when you're done). For our purposes, we are talking solely about intercourse itself. So what's your guess... any idea how long intercourse lasts on average? Do you think you measure up? Are you in the appropriate range?

Let's really boil this down. Let's say in the average porn video, intercourse lasts 15 minutes. That's enough for a few...

Here's the deal. The recovery rates for porn addiction, like every other addiction, are not great. We don't have exact figures because porn addiction is so poorly researched compared to other addictions, but suffice to say – the recovery rate is low.

Many of my clients are guys who tried other programs and were frustrated with the results. So they looked for something different.

But there are many more guys out there who have tried a bunch of solutions and none of them worked. They feel hopeless, stuck forever.

"Come on, Sathiya, give us some good news here. What are you trying to say?"

We'll get there :) ...

The question, of course, is why do some solutions work and others don't? Is it the program or the person? The practitioner or the client? Or is it the methodology? Well, there are several possible explanations. For example...

-Once an addict, always an addict. An understandable thought, and in some ways it does explain why the recovery rates would be low. The problem with...

I’ve been really chewing on why DeepClean exists lately. Not in a sabotaging “What’s the point of this thing anyway” kind of way...more just trying to really solidify my roots as to why I’m doing what I’m doing.

These seasons come and go – there are times where we are filled with purpose and passion, and other times where we have to be reminded, otherwise we will not stay the course.

DeepClean started as something that will help people in an area where I struggled and wanted help as well. Now that it’s growing quite steadily, I realize that I need to double down on a deeper purpose.

I don’t have a clear answer yet, but I’ve had this phrase reverberating in my brain the last few weeks.

If you transform the man, you transform the land.

Many of the issues in families today stem from poor fathering or an absent father.
A majority of those imprisoned in both the US & Canada (and likely around the world) are men.
Perpetrators...

This month we already tackled the average size of male genitalia, so I thought we might as well tackle another biggy (or average-y, depending on your endowment): sex duration. Porn has notoriously conditioned humanity to believe that the average escapade should last at least 15-20 minutes. I read somewhere that the average full-length porn video is 22 minutes long, although I haven't found a confirmation on that one yet. Regardless, the question remains – what's actually normal?

So here's the thing. When you're calculating duration, there are several factors. Foreplay, physical preparations, intercourse itself, afterplay (things don't end when you're done). For our purposes, we are talking solely about intercourse itself. So what's your guess... any idea how long intercourse lasts on average? Do you think you measure up? Are you in the appropriate range?

Let's really boil this down. Let's say in the average porn video, intercourse lasts 15 minutes. That's enough for a few...

There are four magnifiers in life - time, authority, money and marriage. What do they magnify?

YOU.

If you want to see what you’re really made of, endure any or a combination of those four things.

When I was in my early 20s, at the peak of my porn addiction (or trough depending on how you look at it), a mentor taught me this principle. It instantly clicked. I realized how wrong I was to think that marriage would cure my issues with p0rn and masturbation. If anything, it would make them worse.

So I went to work. First, will power. Then, internet filters. Then, accountability partners. Then an internet filter with a built-in accountability partner. They were all good, just incomplete. Several binge-purge cycles later, I had enough. I needed something that was going to help me stay free long-term.

All the while, I prayed that God would keep my spouse on hold. I was dying to meet her, but I needed to fix this p0rn thing first.

Many programs, counseling appointments, personal...

Lately, there has been a flurry of questions around ex's and former partners. Sure, you can cut the cord relationally, but what about the memories? Fantasies? Thoughts? This is a complex subject, but rest assured, whether you deal with the occasional memory, recurring fantasies, or something in between, it doesn't have to stay this way forever.

Let's start with this – your brain enjoy sexual experiences. Anything your brain enjoys, it wants to remember. Why? For one reason, and one reason alone. Repetition. Your brain essentially thinks, "I like this. We should do this again. Where's my hippocampus at?" (The hippocampus is the part of the brain responsible for memory, in case that was confusing).

So if you had sexual experiences with an ex, in the moment, your brain enjoyed that moment and likely formed a memory. Memory is multi-sensory. Smells, tastes, touch, sights and sounds all contribute to its formation. All it takes is a scent, a certain phrase, sometimes even just a...

Feast your eyes on this bacon-wrapped, cheese-stuffed, grilled-to-perfection homemade burger topped with caramelized onions and mushrooms. This monstrosity of a meal was made for yours truly as I celebrated my 31st birthday in May. 

You’ll notice that the burger occupies about 80% of the plate and there is just a handful of greens which are occupying about 10%. I decided the remaining 10% was better left empty than filled with more greens. It was my birthday, after all. 

I don’t know about you, but if I had things my way, I would portion every meal to be 100% meat, cheese, and other delicious, decadent foods. Why eat the greens?

Well, aside from the fact that “your mom told you they’re good for you” it turns out that eating greens is actually good for your meat (I’m not talking about the burger). In fact, loading up in the produce aisle will work wonders for your sausage (hopefully you get the innuendo by now).

Stronger erections,...

In a society that reduces value for marriage by the day, you may have wondered – what's the point? Why can't I just shack up with my girlfriend? Why can't we get married later? Why even get married at all when the divorce rate is so high? These are GREAT questions to ask.

For starters, we know that marriage was created by God for man and woman. It was meant to symbolize the covenant that Christ (groom) has to his church (the Bride). Marriage is not simply the 'next step in a relationship,' it is a covenant between two people that is both spiritually and legally. Even if you pushed the spiritual facets aside, the legal component illustrates that humanity has had a value for marriage for a long time. When laws were instated concerning marriage, they were not simply because the church was in power.

Much more importantly, there are really two fundamental reasons to get maried apart from the spiritual aspects: Commitment and safety, both of with interplay with one another....