Ep 775 (Audio)
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[00:00:00] Yo, yo, what's up, my man? It's Sathya Sam here. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. Thank you so much for listening. Man, I am so honored and excited that I get to share today with you a conversation I had with Sal DiStefano. If you don't know who Sal is, he is one of three hosts of the leading fitness show, in the industry called Mindpump.
These guys are phenomenal, they know their stuff. I mean, we're talking 60, 70 plus years of personal training collectively between them. And a lot of diverse voices. You know, one of them was a bodybuilder. One of them kind of did his background in kinesiology and is really, you know, familiar with correctional and functional movement.
And Sal himself has just been you know, a gym owner. He's owned his own studios. He was a personal trainer. He's worked with athletes and doctors and all kinds of stuff. But what I, the reason I brought them on is because if you've had any issues with sexual sin, pornography addiction, or any kind of other sexual misbehavior you'll know that your body is deeply impacted by it.
[00:01:00] And so I love bringing fitness guys on every once in a while who have a really well rounded and well balanced message about fitness, about taking care of yourself. And so that's why I brought on Sal. This podcast personally has really helped me take better care of my body, understand my body better.
And I've, you know, been pretty vocal about some of my goals of weight training and wanting to put on muscle. These guys are really solely responsible for my growth and development the last two and a half years. So I'm, I'm really grateful for them. It was an honor for me. It kind of felt like I was interviewing one of my heroes.
And yet at the same time, we had a really robust conversation. And even at the beginning, we talk about just some of the You know, counterintuitive messages of mind pump around, you know, cardio and weight training that, that I think some of you will be really surprised to hear by. So, you know, whether you're, you know, trying to get jacked and ripped, or maybe you just want, you know, a one little nugget to take better care of yourself, or you're in the throes of recovery and you're like, yeah, I do need to change how I see my body, how I relate with it.
We cover all of [00:02:00] that and a whole lot more in this interview. I know you're going to love it. So buckle up. This is my interview with Sal DiStefano.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Well, it's a real treat to have Sal from MindPump. Welcome to the show, bro.
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: Hey, thanks for having me on. I appreciate it.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Yeah, you guys are really crushers in the fitness in the podcast area. I want to ask you first before we kind of jump into some fitness stuff. What made you transition from doing more traditional, you know, personal training and that kind of stuff to being in a media and starting a podcast about this?
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: [00:03:00] Initially it was I had created an online digital workout program with at the time, my client, who's now the producer of our show and the podcast idea was one way to pretend to try to create some sort of authority and provide value so that people would want or believe that we would have a workout program that would be effective.
And there's, you know, there's more to the story, right? I met my co hosts, Adam and Justin through that process. And we pick podcasting because it's long form and fitness is one of those things that if you want to communicate it effectively, if you want to be able to communicate the truth in a way that really resonates or at least outcompetes the way that other people communicate the wrong information in fitness, you need to have a long form format, you know, instagram or short form just really doesn't work.
For that. So that's, that's really how the podcast started and you know, relatively early on, it did resonate and grew and it very quickly became all [00:04:00] of our business.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: yeah. It's really cool, man. And you guys, you guys really do a good job. Definitely resonate with the long form as well. You talked about a bunch of the wrong information that's out there when it comes to fitness. So I'd love to talk about that a little bit. Anything in particular that you're noticing now that people seem to be kind of riding that trend.
But if you were training them, you'd be saying, please, for the love of God, do not do this.
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: Yeah. Well, every health, every piece of, you know, any type of health tip or advice that has any kind of value at all tends to get twisted and distorted. And pointed, and pointed towards changing how you look. So everything becomes about the appearance. So I'll give you an example. Fasting is a great example.
Fasting has been a practice in spiritual practices, in religions for thousands of years. Every major religion that we know of talks about fasting in some way, shape, or form as a way to detach. From earthly you know, pleasures or earthly desires. It's a way of becoming [00:05:00] more connected to a higher power.
And so there's a lot of value in fasting. And by the way, that's healthy. That's a health, that's a, that's a spiritual aspect of health. So there's a lot of value there. Of course, what the fitness and health industry does is says, Oh, you can lose weight by fasting. So the value of fasting is fat loss. And then they try to talk about Cellotophagy and, you know, how it affects your hormones.
They really try and sell it as this healthy way of dieting, which, by the way, it's got a fail rate of 90 percent like every other diet that anybody attempts for simple weight loss. And so they just distort things. And so that's just one, you know, simple example. Everything about fitness and health through our industry It's always pointed towards you'll look better or you'll weigh less.
And the problem with that is it distorts the, the, the view or the understanding of really all of the values that exercise and eating right provide [00:06:00] us. So because all of the information that we consume talks about, you know, you'll look better we believe that to be the thing that makes us happiest.
And the data is clear, very, very clear on that. You know, how you look. actually contributes very little to your overall happiness and exercise and diet does way more for you than change how you look. I mean, it reduces your chances of chronic disease, improves your mobility, has a profound impact on your mental health, depression and anxiety, improves your libido, gives you better sleep.
It, it, it changes the filter through which you feel and perceive the world because you just You just feel better. What does that do? Well, it makes you more productive, makes you better father, makes you a better husband, a better person. It's also a practice that teaches you body acceptance.
Initially, this is a struggle for people when they first start working out. I don't like the way I look. I, you know, whatever. But if you do it long enough, you start to accept your body. Like I remember when I went through that, like, I'm not gonna look like Arnold, no matter what I do. [00:07:00] But you accept it and you continue.
You also develop a relationship with with pain, physical pain. That becomes powerful and appropriate. You know, like when people first start working out, the physical pain of exercise feels unbearable. Somebody who's been doing it for a long time feels probably more pain in the workout. The more advanced they can push themselves harder, but they don't have the same relationship with that pain.
And the carry over into everyday life is incredible. It also teaches you to accept that you will never be, or you will not be perfect. You know, when you first start doing an exercise, you suck at it. In fact, you suck at it for a long time. And then you do another exercise, and then you suck at that one for a long time.
So this is just this all these values that that exercise and proper eating can provide you. But what we've done is we've magnified this tiny sliver that says you'll look this way or you'll weigh this much, thus making us number one, falsely believe that that is what leads to happiness, which it [00:08:00] doesn't.
And number two, it actually, because it takes our focus off all these other potential benefits. We we squander them, we, we don't pay attention to them, so oftentimes we sacrifice them in the pursuit of looking better, so we sacrifice our health, our energy, we over train, we under eat, we do all these crazy things, ignore how we feel because the scale is going down, therefore I must be doing better and we just don't have this, we don't ever develop a full relationship, a full proper relationship with exercise and nutrition.
You know, a good example would be if. All of the value that you placed on your marriage was around your sex with your wife. Like, that's it. All the value that we have. Like, this is, oh my god, the most important thing is the sex we have. You are going to be screwed, okay? You are going to find yourself being unhappy because you're going to be ignoring all these incredible other values and benefits that that partnership will provide you.
So, so this, the, the, all the, all the [00:09:00] information that does that is a lie. And what we try to do is, is change the narrative, change the information, along with communicating things that make your workouts more effective, that require less work, ways of changing your behaviors that are sustainable and that kind of stuff.
So, that, and that's the goal. That's been the goal of podcasts and it still is.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: yeah. It's really, really cool. Can you, so, can you get to some of the nuts and bolts? Like if someone's saying, okay, I'm, you know, I'm active. I know for me, this was kind of my story. Like I'm, I'm like a flaming hard gainer, you know, like, skin and bones built to run. So, you know, I used to like run 5k all the time.
Do a lot of that stuff. I still have a huge value for cardio health, but I honestly, I kind of came into this whole space a little bit green. I didn't realize how. Important weight training was I thought that was just for meat heads and people who, you know, like were maybe a little bit too superficial and all that.
Really good research now, obviously showing like the health benefits of that. But then I know you guys talk about how cardio is not a good way to lose weight, how you can actually lose weight by eating more. Like [00:10:00] I'm just wondering, like, what are some of the pillars that you guys think are for somebody who's really trying to be healthy in a well rounded way?
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: Yeah. So number one any activity applied appropriately. So any form of exercise that's applied appropriately, that's very important. So you don't overdo it. You don't over train. You don't do things that your body Can't do or move in ways that it is inappropriate for you. So, so long as it's appropriate, any activity, any form of exercise will have benefits for your health.
So, that being said, if you were to look at all the different forms of exercise and you were to compare them on a time for time basis. I spend an hour doing this versus an hour doing that versus an hour doing that. The longevity and health benefits that strength training provide are superior on a time for time basis.
Okay. Again, that doesn't mean other forms of exercise don't have value. It also doesn't mean that all you should do is strength training. You know, a perfect routine has a combination [00:11:00] of, of different things that are involved. Now, the reason why I say this is because the average person, we're probably not going to be able to convince the average person to, to You know, prioritize exercise and activity on a regular basis.
Just, it's just, it's not going to happen if we do a good job, what we'll probably do, which is still a very difficult thing to do, but if we do a great job, we should be able to convince the average person to do some form of structured exercise about twice a week. Okay. About two days a week is realistic.
consistently, right? Sustainably for most people. Now, that doesn't mean that they should be inactive on on the days that they don't work out. But I'm talking about structured kind of like, you know, exercise with intention. So that's why I communicate this about strength training, because knowing that it's like, Okay, look, you're not gonna want to work out every day.
You're not gonna be a fitness fanatic. We want to make this sustainable. You're probably not going to pick five different forms of exercise to create the perfect routine. So, but what you want is [00:12:00] longevity, you want health, you want to maintain a lean, lean physique. You don't want to get too much body fat, have a good hormone profile, be able to eat more food.
By the way, that's very important. In today's society. Having a fast metabolism used to be a liability 10, 000 years ago. Today. It's a it's definitely a value, you know, because it allows you to live in the world of so much food with, you know, that can come to your door and, you know, in 15 minutes, like a fast metabolism buffers you against the challenges of the real world.
So all those things considered. Strength training is incredible, and the data now is extremely clear on all of this. So, so that's, you know, that's an important thing to to understand. But there's one other thing that I think is important for people to understand, which is actually above that, which is the form of activity that you enjoy the most is probably the form of activity you should focus your time on because the big challenge with [00:13:00] all of this.
Is not how do I lose the weight or how do I get the best results in the shortest period of time? The, the, the, the big challenge is how do I do this forever? How do I develop a relationship with this where I maintain it forever? So if, if you hate traditional forms of exercise and you've tried and you do it, it's like set my environment.
I don't like, you know what I like doing? I like salsa dancing. I like salsa dancing. That's what I want to do. Like, okay, then let's do that. And let's find a way to be able to get you to do that and maintain a healthy body. So you can continue doing that for the rest of your life. So those are the things you need to consider, when you look at all of this.
And there's a lot of nuance within this conversation. So, so, because we are dealing with individuals, we're dealing with humans, with emotions and feelings we're not robots. But yeah, I mean, that's really the gist.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Yeah. And for, for people who are maybe in some kind of a rhythm, they're exercising regularly. Do you like, cause I, again, I would say I'm relatively new to this, but the one thing I've observed the last few years is. You kind of go through different waves and their [00:14:00] seasons. Like I've had seasons where I've been really focused on just strength gain, just pushing the weight, moving to A to B.
Other seasons run more focused on mobility and functional strength. You know, I just became a father about six months ago.
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: Congratulations.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: want to be able to, thanks, man. Thank you so much. So, you know, just being able to lift my kid and lift the groceries out of the car or whatever. Now I'm really focused on bodybuilding, which is a lot more about the contraction and, you know, volume and all that kind of stuff.
Do you find like, I know you've been doing this for a very long time. Like, do you find even in your own regimen that like, depending on the season, you're focused on different things or is there such a thing as like, no, you can actually have something set up that you're doing a very long time. And it's perfectly hitting on all the major areas.
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: I mean, so long as you do it appropriately, that's okay. But what you're saying is a very, or what you're describing is a very healthy, balanced relationship with activity. What you want with, with fixed fitness is if, if you're going to, if the goal is to do this for the rest of your life, which I think that's the goal, I think if somebody were to say, Hey, I want to lose 30 pounds or I [00:15:00] want to improve my fitness and you were to say to them, okay, well, do you want to maintain that?
Do you want to be able to do this for the rest of your life? I think most people would say, well, yeah, I would love to find a way to do this forever and want to do this forever. Well, the way to do that is to develop a relationship with it, where it improves the quality of your life, regardless of the context of what's happening.
You just had a kid, or you changed your job, or, my life is actually quite balanced and relaxed, or, ooh, I'm going through a tremendous amount of stress right now, there's a loss in the family, or, My wife and I are going through a terrible time right now, whatever you want to be able to take this tool of exercise and look at it and say, What can I do with it?
That'll make my life better right now. And so that means it's going to change. That means sometimes you may spend more time in the gym with more intensity. That may mean other times you're spending more time outside. Maybe more contemplative type activity, or maybe it's more [00:16:00] mobility. You know, maybe you're noticing as you get older that you know, joint pain is starting to become an issue for me and that's decreasing my, my quality of life.
Or, or maybe you're a new father and you're finding like, man, I, to find the energy to work, show up for my wife and play with my kids. is tough. How can I use exercise in a way to give me the most energy that I can have to do those really important things? That's a healthy relationship because your life's gonna change.
You know, you're a young man right now. In 10 years, it's not gonna be the same 20 years. It's not gonna be the same. So why would your workouts be the same?
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Right. Yeah. It makes sense. And it's interesting. I mean, you know, you're talking to people who are in recovery, trying to overcome addiction. And I know that's a huge part of it as well is learning to tether that there's seasons to push, right? There's seasons where you do push yourself and even when it's difficult, you push through.
But it has to be offset by seasons where, you know, you're kind to yourself and you relax and you give yourself a place to rest. So let's talk maybe to the [00:17:00] smaller contingent of people. Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Who are probably doing a little bit too much and they're hindering their body from adapting.
They're not giving space for rest and recovery. Can you maybe just describe what this looks like? What are some of the symptoms of someone who's maybe just overdoing it? They're doing a bit too much, or maybe even their, what they're doing is just not matching their season. Like, yeah, they're, they have a newborn, they're not sleeping well, but they're still trying to get in five workouts a week and, you know, run three times a week and all that kind of stuff.
What, what are the indicators that somebody is overdoing it? Right.
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: well, some of the clear ones are disturbed sleep, hot, cold intolerance, persistent stiffness soreness, joint pain, low libido, chronic fatigue insatiable cravings for hyperpalatable food, irritability, mood swings and then extreme cases, you start to notice hair loss, brittle nails in women.
They lose their period in men. They have all the symptoms of very low [00:18:00] testosterone. Of course, you don't get results, so you're not getting stronger. You're not improving your performance. And in many cases, your performance starts to decrease. You lose strength, you lose stamina, loss of motivation, loss of drive.
But this really comes from a dysfunctional relationship. With exercise, where exercise becomes a distraction, it becomes a way to numb yourself, a way to run away from problems, or a way to punish yourself because you hate yourself. And so, the pain and challenge and soreness that you feel is cathartic because you really don't, you really don't like yourself.
And a lot of people experience this, right? It's like, how was your workout? Oh my god, I, I almost threw up. It was awesome. It's
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Yeah, destroyed my body.
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: Yeah, that's weird. So, you have to examine that, look at that, because you can turn anything into a drug, and exercise is is definitely, I mean, I see this in my space all the time, we have a very high incidence of body [00:19:00] dysmorphia and dysfunctional relationships with exercise diet in the fitness space, far higher than in the In the common population.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Hmm. Let's talk about that. So, I've actually been sharing about this on our podcast. There's some research that came out of, I think it was Australia or maybe it was the, I think it was actually Israel, but anyway, it was linking you know, eating disorders with porn consumption, which eating disorders is typically more of a physical health issue.
You know, we talked about how. You know, it's girls trying to compete with other girls or guys getting super self conscious or whatever it might be. The linking piece in this research was body dysmorphia. You know, guys are watching porn and this was with men specifically. So men are watching pornography.
They're seeing this image of what a guy should look like, how he should be able to perform. They're realizing they don't measure up and then it's changing their relationship with food and they're developing these really bad habits and often, you know, they're just more susceptible to bulimia, anorexia, whatever it might be.
When you, cause I know you've, you've shared a little bit about, you know, your own journey with body dysmorphia. I think everyone goes through that even in a physical health [00:20:00] setting, but then. I know you had a lot of clients who've gone through that as well. How are you, you know, how are you helping people develop a healthier relationship with food and their body and all of that?
Because this is, I mean, this is deep psychology we're talking about here.
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: Yes. And I trained people for for over two decades. And what you end up learning if you really, really, really care about helping people as a, as a coach or trainer is you learn a lot of this, how to be effective. What I mean by effective is not just getting your clients results, but how do I get them to want to maintain this?
How do I get them to enjoy this? How do I get them to develop a relationship with this where it'll last well beyond you know, our training, together. So it took me a long time to kind of figure some of this stuff out, but one thing that I learned was that the why is far more important than the how or the what when it comes to exercise and diet.
So let's talk about the why for a second. Most people approach fitness from a place of self hate or self criticism. So, I [00:21:00] hate my body, I'm too fat, I'm too skinny, I'm inadequate, I'm not attractive. You know, whatever, insert whatever negative belief you have about yourself. And so now I'm going to go to the gym.
And now I'm going to change my diet. Now because the why is coming from a place of hate, hating yourself, it's inevitable that exercise becomes punishment. That's just what happens. When you hate yourself and you go work out, you are punishing your body. You are punishing yourself for being fat, skinny, whatever.
So, you, your gauge for what's appropriate is completely off. This is what I said earlier. You. Punishing yourself feel, especially in the beginning, feels cathartic. You beat the crap out of yourself. You, you know, I can't tell you how many times people would say, Oh my God, I ate so bad last night, I'm gonna go kick my ass in the gym and sweat it out or something like that.
They'll say, right? So, your workouts become punishment and your diet becomes [00:22:00] restrictive. So, when somebody offers you a food that is off your diet, your response is not I don't want that. Your response is no, I'm sorry, I can't answer that. have that. And so what you're literally doing is
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Hm.
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: is tyrannizing yourself.
What you've done is, in essence, and I create this picture and narrative because I think it helps people, is you've separated yourself into two identities. One identity is this impulsive, stupid inadequate, for lack of a better term, idiot or child that just eats whatever they want. You know, that's the reason why I look gross is I just have no discipline.
So, you know, I, I, I want to be, this, this person wants to be lazy, doesn't want to do anything, lacks motivation. So there's that person. And then what you've done is you've created this other version of yourself, this other identity, That's this overbearing dictator or parent that says, You go work out, you're lazy, you're [00:23:00] fat, you can't eat that, you don't deserve that, you need to eat these foods over here because you are whatever, gross, fat, you know, unhealthy, whatever.
So, so, by the way, powerful short term motivator. Very effective in a very short period of time because you're just like, so hey, do you want this pizza? No, I can't, you know, go to the gym, beat myself up, leave feeling good that I just, oh my god, I can barely move. This is what I This is what I deserve. But what ends up happening is eventually the part of you that identifies as the child being tyrannized or the idiot rebels.
Eventually you are, I don't want to, I don't want to hate, I don't want to do this anymore. I just want to enjoy my life. How many times people have said that, right? Why'd you stop working out? I just want to enjoy my life. And you rebel and what does a rebellion look like? Right? Think of a child that that rebels against their parents or a teenager.
They don't just go off the diet. They go in the complete [00:24:00] opposite direction. So what does it look like? Well, I went from, I can't have a cookie to last night I'd spent, you know, three hours watching Netflix and I ate an entire box of cookies. And I got sick to my stomach or I didn't just miss one workout.
Like I, I gave up, I'm not going back by the way, that, that, that sentence or that sentiment, I stopped working out and I stopped my quote unquote diet because I want to enjoy my life. What an interesting, strange perspective, because there is almost nothing that won't help you enjoy your life more than being more fit, healthy, healthy.
Able bodied. So it's, it's, it's interesting and ironic. Okay. So, so what's the, how do we fix that? Well, you got to change the Y and this is not a subconscious thing at first. It's a conscious thing. Cause the subconscious one is the one I just explained. That's the automatic one. We were, most of us were raised that way.
So you've got to consciously say, I'm going to the [00:25:00] gym because I care about myself, I need to take care of myself. Like somebody who's worth taking care of. Okay. Now you can be honest and say, when you look in the mirror. I haven't been taking care of myself, but I deserve to be taken care of. So now I'm going to, I'm going to do that.
So now when you go to the gym, your workouts become self care. They also become more appropriate. You don't beat the shit out of yourself. Excuse my language, because, because that would not be self care. It's appropriate. You start training yourself appropriately. Diet does not become restrictive. Diet becomes self care and nourishment.
Now somebody says, do you want this pizza? And your answer is either no, thanks. I don't want it. Or yes, I'd like to have a slice. It becomes balanced, becomes baked into it the whole process. Because sometimes, by the way, self care is having a slice of pizza and hanging out with your friends. And self care sometimes is taking a day off the gym.
So, so the why is imperative. It is not automatic. Ninety percent of us do not [00:26:00] have that automatic. driver. We were typically raised by being punished if we did something wrong or being shamed or guilted. So our natural, instinct is to do that to ourselves. So it has to be a conscious thing. Like, okay, how do I talk to myself about this?
What am I doing? I'm doing this guy care about myself. I want to take care of myself. I deserve to be cared for. But then eventually starts to become automatic. And then you have this incredible relationship with these, these self care, models that, and then you realize like, wow, Why are you still exercising and why are you still on that diet?
Because I want to enjoy my life.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Yeah. Yeah. And it starts to spread to other areas of your life too, right? Like your relationships and your emotions. Like if you self care in one area, just naturally it's going to bend to those others. It's interesting. Cause we, we kind of make a distinction in the addiction space. Like it's one thing to be sober.
It's another thing to be free, you know, sober is like, I didn't do the behavior, you know, and you kind of check the list. Whereas freedom is where you have, you're in such a good place internally. Yeah. That you actually can make a [00:27:00] decision. It's just that power of choice. Like it's the pizza example. It's not like I can't have pizza.
It's I'm choosing not to. And I think that's a, that's a really big distinction. It's cool to kind of see that in a fitness context as well. Tell me about like a, a healthy why. Cause I have to imagine when clients were coming to you, you're probably getting a mixed bag. Most of them are probably like, you know, not coming from that right place.
I know for me, my whole thing with fitness. Has been like, I want to be able to play with my grandkids, you know, like I feel like I got, I got playing with my kids that, that part's sorted, you know, like I'm, I'm relatively healthy right now, but I am really thinking about long term, you know, three decades, four decades from now, I still want to be able to do that at least to some extent.
I feel like that's relatively healthy, but I guess I don't really know what, what do you think constitutes like when people are doing this stuff for the right reasons? Yeah,
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: for, like someone that I care about, or I deserve to be cared for. Okay. By the way, this doesn't mean you have this fuzzy feeling about yourself. Cause you don't [00:28:00] always have that feeling of care or love. Just like you won't always have that feeling for your spouse or even your kids.
Just wait till you have a teenager. There's definitely going to be moments where you're like, I don't like this kid right now, you know, type of deal.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: I'm not ready for that yet, but yeah, I believe
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: so it is an action. So, so start there. And then when you are going through the process. Consciously start to document how you feel in different aspects of your life.
How is my sleep? How is my libido? How is my mood? How, you know, how is my energy feeling? Do I feel stronger? Is my pain reduced? How are my moods? So start listing those things out because, and then, and by the way, there's another side to this. Ignore, this is the hard part, ready? Ignore the physical changes in the mirror and the scale and the weight on the scale
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Yeah. Yeah.
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: only initially just ignore it for a bit like don't sit like you can look in the mirror to your [00:29:00] hair or whatever, but don't sit there and study yourself.
Okay, what's changing? I love handles going away. Is my back look better? Do I ignore that for a second and take your scale? And I used to tell my clients, take your scale for the next three months. Just put it in the closet. Don't weigh yourself anymore and then pay attention to the other things. And then what will happen is you'll start to where you place your focus is where you, is what you see, you know, this great.
There's this great video that I, first time I saw it, it was in my psychology class in high school. You can find it on YouTube. I'm about to give it away, so it won't work on people, but trust me, this is what happens when you watch it. So there's a group of, I don't know, 15 people and they're passing a basketball from person to person.
And the, the video says count how many times the ball has been passed. From one person to the next. And at the end of the video, we'll ask you how many times it's been passed to see how accurate you are. So you're watching this video intently and you're counting one, two, three, four. And the people are moving around, they're passing the [00:30:00] ball.
And at the end of it, the video says, did you see the man in the gorilla suit walk through the group? And you're like, no, no, I didn't. It rewinds the video and literally a person in a gorilla suit walks through the group. And you did not perceive it. Because your focus was on the ball being passed. So, that illustrates what I'm communicating right now.
If you take conscious notes of all those things that I said about how you feel, you'll start to notice all those things. And then you'll start to connect your exercise and diet to those things. And you'll ignore the scale and the mirror which will throw you off in the beginning. Later on, maybe not so much, but in the beginning they definitely will.
And then you develop this complete picture. Of what it's doing for your life and then you'll find I love this. I want to do this man This makes everything so much better. Like this feels great. You know, it's funny You talk to [00:31:00] people who've been working out consistently for like 10 or 15 years. I used to love doing this I managed gyms for a long time and especially in the morning around 6 a.
m You would get these older members are very consistent and they're you know, 50s 60s and sometimes 70s And I used to love talking to them and I'd ask them. Why do you still do this? Like, what are your, what are your top reasons for doing this? None of them said it was because it made them look good. All of them said something along the lines of, Oh man, it makes me feel good.
It gives me energy. It gives me mental clarity. Like they've learned this just through that long process. And I'm pretty sure they all started to try to look better, but now they continue to do it for those other reasons. So if you do that you, you, you'll, you'll start to develop this. ' cause look, I've never had to convince a client to exercise and eat right when they wanted to.
So the key is how do I get myself to wanna do those things? And that's what I'm talking about.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Yeah. What, what does the spiritual part have to do with this? Cause I know you're talking about how like you have [00:32:00] to have care for yourself. And I know for me, that's definitely been a part of it. Like as I've grown spiritually, I've had a greater value for myself, a greater appreciation. And that has made me want to take better care of myself.
And on the flip side, you know, I, I think taking care of your physical body just naturally, makes you want to take care of yourself spiritually you know, whether it's fasting or praying or, you know, whatever that looks like. How do those two interplay for, I don't know, a typical individual and even for you, I know, I know that's part of your life as well.
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: I mean, I'll speak personally. This isn't this isn't an area that I would consider myself an expert on, on coaching others. That's, you know, that would be fitness and nutrition. So I'll just speak personally for me. Understanding and feeling God's grace has allowed me to be able to look at myself to identify the areas where I fall, but to not feel or get stuck in the shame spiral that then leads to more of those behaviors.
I can, if I can, when I can feel God's grace on my many [00:33:00] imperfections and my many ways that I fall and sin. I can have that same constructive compassion for myself. I can look at myself and say, yeah, you're, you're, you're missing here. But you know, we can, we can, we, I think we can grow from this versus what would happen before, which was difficult, which was, oh, you suck at this thing, you're a terrible person, you're a piece of crap.
Then those terrible feelings, you know, that shame spiral leads to me wanting to either distract or numb or avoid. So then I won't look at myself or I'll numb myself with substances or distractions or whatever. Or, you know, like I said, we're all avoid I don't want to look at myself that deeply or that vulnerably because.
It doesn't feel good and you know, you see I see this in with with clients where They'll they'll get on quote unquote on track and then they'll fall off and then they'll get in this shame spiral Oh, i'm so undisciplined. I'm such an [00:34:00] idiot. I can't believe I did that and those negative feelings That that shame spiral feeling that they have that the terrible negative self hate, is the very feeling that they use food to distract themselves from.
And so they end up, it ends up fueling the very thing that they're ashamed of. So, I would say that's, that's a, that's a big part of it. I think there's also a supernatural component. But but that, that other side, I think is a big part of it.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Yeah. Yeah. I think it's huge. The, the shame piece drives a lot of our bad behavior. And then keeps us kind of locked in it. Right. So I think, I think what you're talking about is super powerful. Any, like, you know, you talked about kind of experiencing the grace of God. I'm just wondering if there's anything practical you recommend for people who are catching themselves in those shame spirals, the body dysmorphia, you know, beating themselves up at the gym for people who are trying to, you know, build a, build a healthier bridge and maybe do it spiritually.
Anything in particular that you recommend?
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: Well, [00:35:00] if you want to, if you want to do it spiritually I started praying three times a day out loud. And the, the effects of that for lack of a better term have been profound. I feel transformed from the inside. My appetites have changed. And so rather than white knuckling my way through discipline or behavior change, It's, it's as if I want to, and it feels very different, feels very different.
Now, if somebody is not ready to take that step, I think that you need to understand, and the data is pretty clear on this and say any psychologist will say this, you have to accept yourself for the way you are before you can grow and change. You cannot shame your way out of it. So you have to accept yourself.
The one example I heard was like, you have a child, you know, let's say you have a toddler. Toddlers are just impulsive. little dictators. And that's just, they're supposed to be right. It's part of their development. And so you see your toddler [00:36:00] impulsively doing something that it's a behavior that you want to correct.
Like, okay, you can't, you can't hit that kid because they took your toy. Right. You can't do that, but you know, they really don't have the emotional regulation yet or the control. It's just impulsive. So you, you still help them work on the behavior. But you don't look at your kid and think, what a crappy, terrible, bad kid.
You think to yourself like, okay, they, they, they can't control themselves right now. They're impulsive. I'm going to still help them try to, try to figure this out. And so I, that was the best non spiritual example that I got to, to kind of help with that.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Yeah, it's an, it's a good image for how God probably relates to us as well. I'm sure we look like a bunch of toddlers to him, right?
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: Totally. Yeah, totally.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Um, how do you guys I've actually been wanting to ask you this for a while since I started listening to you guys. How do you manage the tension between principles that are kind of universally applicable?
And then individual variance and nuance. Cause I know this is [00:37:00] something that we manage all the time with our programming, helping people go through addiction. There's just, there's principles that are tried, tested and true. We know they work and we know people apply them. They're going to have success.
And then every person's different, you know, they have unique experiences, unique worldviews unique traumas, whatever it might be. How do you guys navigate that tension between those two arenas?
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: Number one with diet and exercise is always listen to your body. But there's a little asterisk here, which is learn how to listen to your body. So a lot of us ignore the signs and signals that our body tells us. So here's an easy example, somebody who's consumed with weight loss. They just want to lose weight on the scale.
They may ignore the signs that they're overtraining, under eating, that they're overstressing themselves, that they just don't feel good. But because the scale is moving down, they just ignore those things. So you have to have a full picture and get in touch with, okay, what's, [00:38:00] what's happening with myself?
In my body. And listen to your body. The best diet in the world is not great if it's causing digestive distress or energy issues with you, or if it doesn't align with your moral values. Right? So, you know, eating meat might be a very nutri you know, a great way to eat to get certain nutrients, but if it doesn't line align with your moral values, then okay, let's figure out a way to do this without meat, for example.
I'll use a very A simple example. If there's a form of exercise, you're like, this is the most effective one. I know it is. I just don't like doing it like I don't like doing it or it hurts or this exercise is supposed to be good, but doesn't feel good. Listen to your body. Get in touch with your body. Your body will be your best suit.
Gauge on what is the best direction. Now, the general rules are the following. A little movement throughout the day, very good. Some strength training, that's appropriate. And appropriate meaning the [00:39:00] intensity needs to match your fitness level. And the exercises need to be ones that you can perform with good control and stability.
That's very good. With diet avoiding for the most part heavily processed foods. Good. Very good. Mainly because they lead to overeating, but there's other reasons. Eating a high protein diet across the board seems to be better than not. Whether it's fat loss or muscle gain. Of course, there's individual variances here.
If you have digestional distress from it, then that's a no for you. But for most people that seems to be good. Eating a decent amount of fiber seems to be, pretty good. And then here's the big one, you know, not overeating seems to be across the board pretty good. Oh, and then in sleep, good quality sleep seems to be universal, across most people.
So very, very, very small percentage of people where this doesn't necessarily apply as, as much. But seven to nine hours of, of good quality sleep is [00:40:00] imperative for health. And then staying hydrated, like those are the main, like, general, but of course there's a lot of, variance within what I just mentioned.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Yeah. And it sounds like what you're saying is here are the principles. Here's like a baseline and then listen to your body and develop those variances based on how your body responds to them.
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: Absolutely.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Yeah. Makes sense with sleep. I'll ask you a quick question about sleep here. When you say seven to nine hours, is that time in bed or is that time that you're actually going through the sleep cycles? Asleep.
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: Yeah. That's, that's how long you're asleep. So, you know, you want to give yourself, you know, if you're aiming for, you know, eight hours, you want to go in bed 15 minutes or so before that you should be able to fall asleep within 15 minutes.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Yeah. Yeah. It's amazing. Man, I so appreciate you guys. I appreciate all the knowledge and the wisdom people want to find out more about what you guys are up to and learn a bit more from you. What's the best way for them to do that cell?
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: Mind Pump anywhere you can find a podcast. We're also on YouTube. So you just look up mind pump and then we have five episodes a [00:41:00] week. We've we're over 2, 400 episodes now over the last nine years. So lots and lots and lots of information regarding health and fitness.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0008: Amazing. Yeah. We'll put the links in the show notes in the meantime. God bless you, man. And thanks for everything.
riverside_sal_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0009: Thank you so much.
Well, there you have it. I'm so grateful for Sal and his knowledge, his time. And I hope you got something out of that, that maybe will just further your journey a little bit. If you enjoy what these guys are doing, go look up Mind Pump, like he was saying. And my favorite program of theirs is Maps Anabolic.
Got a lot of development from that. Go check it out. And look, if maybe this conversation has disturbed how badly you need to quit pornography, I know for me, I dealt with a lot of body dysmorphia from watching porn. It took me a long time to actually get those things back on track. And I wish I would have had a more comprehensive solution that would have not just you know, said, yeah, you don't watch porn anymore but actually would have helped me You know, appreciate myself and love my body and have a healthy relationship with fitness.
[00:42:00] I, I, there wasn't anything like that. But we provide something very similar. My program is called Deep Clean and it's a great opportunity for you to not just quit pornography, but really to experience freedom of the heart, the mind, the soul, and the body. And if you feel like you're struggling or you don't know what your next step is, but you are serious about quitting porn, For real there's a link in the show notes for you to check out a case study We sort of explain what it is that we do what it looks like and how your life could be impacted by our system as Well, it's not for everybody I'll just give you a heads up right now And so you can kind of watch it for yourself and determine if it looks like a good fit So the links in the show notes in the meantime, God bless you guys.
Thank you so much for listening I wish you an incredible day and we'll talk to you guys very soon. Take care. Bye. Bye
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