Ep 771 - Paul Cole (Audio)
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[00:00:00] Yo, yo, what is up my men? It's Sathya Sam here. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. Today I'm sitting down with Paul Lewis Cole and Paul actually has been on the show before several years ago, just when we first started out the podcast and, kind of when we had very little momentum in any way, shape or form, Paul was kind enough to sort of humor us and join us.
Paul is kind of a legend in the men's ministry He, he's been around a long time. He's been very successful. Their, their discipleship curriculum has literally transformed millions of lives. They're very, very good at what they do. And I sometimes just feel a little bit sheepish being around somebody like Paul just knowing what he's, what he's done and he's incredibly humble about his work.
But he is a wealth of knowledge and so today we we kind of have more of a conversation Paul's a chatty guy and you'll kind of see that but but we talked a little bit about kind of men in this day and age [00:01:00] how it differs from men of previous generations. We talked a little bit about the commonalities that all men have, whether you're, you know, in Egypt or Alaska or America.
Alaska's in America, but you know what I mean. You know, and then we, we have a conversation about about healthy habits and behaviors and all that kind of stuff. And Again, a really robust conversation, but what I appreciate about Paul is sometimes when I talk to him, I feel like I'm just I'm talking to like somebody who's been there, done that, he gets it.
And so, I know for me at this stage of life as I become a parent and just, just realizing the complexities and the dynamics that come with life, I, I so appreciate wisdom from people who have been there, people who are ahead. And people who can deliver it with a little punch and Paul does all of those things.
He ticks all the boxes. And so I know you guys are going to really benefit from this conversation. Without further ado, let's jump in my conversation with Paul Lewis Cole.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: [00:02:00] Paul, welcome back to the show, man.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Hey man, it's great to be here with you, Sathia. You are, and I told you a few minutes before you hit record, you're crushing it. I couldn't be happier about what God's doing through your life.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Oh,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: But you're working it, and you're working it hard. And it's hard work. And you carry a lot because you're trying to help men get healed.
And you know, Jesus does it, but we do the work, if you will. So it's faith and works. So anyway, well done, man.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Oh, I appreciate that. It means a lot coming from you and you're not one [00:03:00] to toot your own horn, but you guys have hit some fantastic milestones the last little bit. This was actually a while ago, but somewhere you said you guys ran, was it like your millionth, was it a millionth, your millionth guy to finish the program or something?
Finish your discipleship
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: just in Indonesia.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Oh, just in Indonesia?
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: That was only in Indonesia. Over 1 million men have gone through our process of discipleship. And then and then there's, we're in 134 countries. So. Yeah, there's a lot of guys. I, you know, it's after a while you don't know the numbers and it doesn't matter and I understand every number means a person, but my whole picture, what's in my mind is I was in Ulaanbaatar Mongolia with my friend Bhadma and we had done a couple of days of meetings and training pastors how to disciple men basically is what we do.
We help resource the local church. Disciplement, or groups, or organizations, and coming out of the creche, the children's area. Was a [00:04:00] man carrying his little girl and he had a book, Maximize Manhood, core book for our curriculum. And I took a photo, him with his little girl, Sathia. That's when I think of ministry to men, I don't think of a group of guys in a room.
I don't think of a stadium. I don't think, I think of that dad,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Hmm.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: because what drives me is that every child deserves a loving dad.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And that little girl will never know the abuse. He'll, she'll never know the pain of fatherlessness. She, you know, like her whole world is different. And there's, there's hundreds of millions of young children, over 200 million according to the United Nations that are going to be abused this year.
So when you do what you do, where you're helping men come to health and they're coming to wholeness. And now in reality, they grab their little [00:05:00] girl or their son and they hug them and they love them. And they. They want the best for them and it's not all about them and their own lustful pursuits. Dude, that changes the world because I believe, you know, every child that we rescue, every family that's changed, changes the future of the world.
And that's why I'm a supporter of what you do. And that's why I do what I do.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: man, it's so good. Yeah. Our slogan here is change the man, change the world. That exact concept. Yeah. It's so
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: of a Jesus thing,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah, yeah, a little bit, right? Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: kind of a Jesus thing.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah. Tell me about your discipleship process, because I think you, I think if I heard you correctly, this was before we hit record, but it's three years, right?
For people to go fully through your curriculum. Is that
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Yeah, we have, we have a process and that's a full discipleship process. Like, for instance Lakewood church down in Houston, they'll take men through a two year process. Sam Mastel are up in Pennsylvania. Other places like in Lima, [00:06:00] Peru, it's a three year process. But basically what it is, is we've got two years.
Nine books that my father wrote. We got some other books of materials that I wrote and others like our chairman Dale Bronner and We'll take men through that in a process and that's a book a workbook, you know going through a group sitting down discussing things reading praying together And basically what you're doing is you're building a band of brothers, but you're doing it with a purpose because men don't bond face to face over tea.
Men bond shoulder to shoulder facing a challenge.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah, that's right.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: So, you know, in what you do in your healing process, I know it's the encouragement of be with some guys. You can't do this alone. You know, there's no such thing as a one man army. One man army is dead. There's only, I mean, there's a few notable examples.
David, you know, when he took Goliath. [00:07:00] But then, when the army ran, who ran after them? The whole rest of the army.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: That's right. Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: When David was at his most depressed and discouraged, in a cave, in the dark, who showed up? A few hundred guys.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah, right.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And, and, so what changed David's life, really, when you, when you look at the healthy side of his life, What really helped him be healthy was being around godly men.
And when he got unhealthy and, and, you know, sinned and moved the wrong direction, it's when he was disconnected. And it's what you and I talk a lot about what porn does. In fact, you did a, you did a post I thought was just awesome, man. And talked about the consequences and the first one, spiritual disconnection, first consequence, unintended.
Because you're, you're, you're, whatever you reason you're doing porn or, or whatever the addiction is, the unintended [00:08:00] consequence, because you're trying to disassuage something, feel better about something, like you deserve it because you busted your butt at work for two weeks straight, whatever the thing is, without dealing with the underlying pain, that disconnection, and I find that disconnection, Sathya, is not just A spiritual disconnection.
There is a, if you will, spirit to spirit disconnection.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah, it's a good
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: You, you really are not close to your friends. You're really disconnecting. And disconnection always brings dysfunction,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Right.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Disconnection brings dysfunction. Disconnection brings dislocation. You don't know where you are.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And now you're lost in the morass of mediocrity and, and pain.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Like, how did I get here? So how many times have you heard that, right? I don't know how I got here.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah. Yep. That's what we hear every day when people come to us. Yeah. [00:09:00] Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: I don't know how this happened.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah, it's true. Yeah. What?
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: So that's the process. So the process is the books, the materials, and we do printed books. I've got one sitting on my desk here in our studio. This is Arabic.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Oh, cool.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: see, I started Arabic and we have 42 men's groups going across Egypt now, and we know that by actual count, but we started this last year and I'm like, how do you, how do you change the future?
You talk about one man at a time. You've also got to be strategic about it. So over about a seven year period, working on finding the right partnerships, friends. Guys on the ground, men already doing something. You know, Jesus never picked disciples who were hanging out. One of the
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: They were on
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: churches, yeah, they were fishing, they were working as doctors, they were philosophers, they were whatever they were.
They were doing something. And one of the mistakes we make in [00:10:00] our local church life and organizational life is we look for a guy who's available. And we go, oh yeah, he's, he's not doing something or the other, we'll have him do the ministry, man. No, no, you look for the man who's busy. And the reason that man's busy is because he's productive. And, and so, what happens then with, with Christ is he finds men who are productive and goes, I don't know, let's do this. And those men become productive.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Right.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: I think he already knew them, don't you think so?
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: That he already knew them?
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Yeah, I think he already, I think he knew them because 30 years had been, I
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: been doing business, he'd been a carpenter, been building stuff for people, you know, stonemason, whatever.
And, and so he's, he's around and he's running into guys and he hears about people. He goes, yeah, Peter, Peter's got great business going, he and his dad,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: brother.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah, it's true. Yeah, if he didn't know them, he probably knew of them at the very least.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Yeah, I think, you know, in other words, I think that [00:11:00] it's one of the things that you talk about when we talk about becoming healthy is talk to somebody, but not just anybody. Find that person you know is safe.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah. Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: had a great example, a friend of mine and it's a long story, but he walked into a wrong relationship. He was a pastor of a church, and he walked into a wrong relationship with a young lady, and and I'll tell you, I'll give you the real capsulization. I said, when did you know this tipped over? When did you know it tipped?
He said, well, we went to a conference, the whole staff's there, a big church conference, His denomination. He said he said, I was going to Starbucks to get some coffee and I thought, well, I'll get her a coffee, drop it off at her room. So he he got a cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin, put them in a little bag, dropped them off at the front of the door of her room, and then went back to his room.
Sounds safe, right? [00:12:00] Texted, said, Hey, left something outside your door. Well, he didn't do that for anybody else. And I said, that was it. He goes, yeah, that's the moment I knew he says, as I look back that I had tipped over sounds really benign,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Huh.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: right? And if we really begin to analyze the motivation, the reason we're supposed to take every thought captive, that it's your first look, second look.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: It's the second look that gets you
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah, right.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: because it's, it's the, because then the thought begins. Oh yeah. Yeah. You know, so there are times and my wife and I have discussed this. There are times I just have to go, Oh, yay. God. It's
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Right. Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: like, okay. Yeah. Well done.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Well done. That's well done.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And, and so my wife becomes part of my protection,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah. Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And she has done [00:13:00] that for me over time. She has actually had to say to me, Hey, you, you got really interested in, you know, at the little get together. Did I really? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, we won't do that.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Right. And then, and then there's other times I had a young lady. Came to me for prayer, which I don't usually pray with we don't pray opposite sex individually.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Right,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: So I usually, but it was a setting in which there were a bunch of people walking to different people wanting prayer. She came up and wanted prayer. And then she gave me her phone number. She goes, I really need counseling. So my wife was actually with some other people, go, Hey babe, come here, come here, come here, come here.
I go, Hey. This young lady that's just giving me her phone number. She needs counseling.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: right. Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And I gave it to my wife. Oh my God. Poor girl. I mean, obviously, [00:14:00] and hopefully maybe it busted her enough that, you know, like, right,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: like a wake up call,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Right.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: which is part of what you want to do for men like that post about spiritual disconnection.
The thing here's, here's the next one. The body suffers. there's that. And we know guys, you probably work with men that actually haven't gone to doctors. Do all kinds of stuff, particularly when they get it backed into a healthy relationship
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: and now they're sexually dysfunctional. And then the third one, consequence number three, you will be caught. See now that what that does for me, when I look at that, I think, okay, this is helping warn a man off before he tips over before he does. So when I was talking about my friend who did the little, blueberry muffin and a cup of coffee, what he did because of his [00:15:00] denominational hierarchy. What he did, Satya, is he went and talked to somebody that wasn't safe.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Right
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: He talked to somebody that then said, Oh, well, I'm going to have to talk to these eight other guys.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Hmm.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And it blew up his marriage, blew up his church. Now, not that he probably shouldn't have gone through some sort of process, obviously, but he talked to an unsafe person just because it was, Oh, well, this And I think that's a really key thing, but I don't think you can do it by yourself.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah Yeah, I agree. So I gotta ask you you guys are in 134 countries Your resources are getting translated into these languages um that that alone kind of breaks this psychological thing I had which was like You know when I think about the issues that guys in egypt are going through they're not having issues about like gender roles and You know some of [00:16:00] the foolishness that we're dealing with here in north america You they, but they would have a different set of issues.
Why, why are you guys able to translate your curriculum and use it, you know, across the globe? What, what is it hitting on that is just universal amongst men?
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Yeah, you know, what's universal is character. And it's in Isaiah, and it's the third chapter, first and second verse, and God says, I'm going to remove from you, because this is, again, this is one of those correction moments, where God says, alright, Israel goes, okay, I'm good. It's sort of like the man that goes three months into your program rather than whatever, you know year and he goes Hey, i'm good
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: and you go.
No, no, no, no stay with this. No, i'm good, man. I'm great I got it killed it crushed it and Israel is like hey, we're good god says, okay if you think you're good He says i'm going to remove from you. It says i'm going to remove from you your [00:17:00] security Your bread and your water right now. He's that speaking of his presence, right?
Because security's father Bread, sun, water, Holy Spirit. So I'm going to remove from you my presence. He says, then I'm going to take two people out of your culture. And when I take these two people out of your culture, the culture will begin to tip over. Who were they? He says, the hero and the warrior. The hero and the warrior.
Every great culture has been built on the character of its heroes and the courage of its warriors. Internal, external, character of its heroes, courage of its warriors. So when we talk about connecting with men in every culture, every culture, every family, every church is built on the character of heroes and the courage of warriors.
So that's the, that's the inner and the outer. So the strength of a man is not in the external, it's on the internal, right? [00:18:00] So, so a man who is weak on the inside tries to prove his strength on the outside. The man who is strong on the inside doesn't have to prove his strength on the outside. I had a great friend and you're a sportsman, you like sports and athletics.
And I had a great friend who played in the national football league, Reggie White, and he came over, he was a defensive end, hall of fame since passed away, tragically. And he came over one night before game, they were coming to, he was with Philadelphia and they were coming to play the Dallas Cowboys.
And he came over to our house and it was a Friday night. He and Keith Jackson. Somebody else. And they came over to our house. And my boys were younger at the time. And Reggie's this like big 325 pound, no body fat, man. And my boys, he got down on the ground and my boys started jumping off the back of the couch, jumping on him. [00:19:00] Like he's playground equipment. And my wife's like, no, they shouldn't do it. I go, no, no, it's okay. It's okay. Trust me.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: can handle
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Two days later, Cynthia, he's in a game against one of the strongest linemen that's ever played in the NFL, a guy named Larry Allen. And I watched him take Larry Allen and just flip him aside and just crush Troy Aikman.
Okay. Watch this. He could get on the ground. with my boys and play because he didn't have to prove anything. He knew his strength. He was confident in his identity, confident in who he was. He knew his strength. He didn't have to prove anything. So it's the man who knows his strength and knows his character.
It doesn't have to prove anything. And then a man with character can even be courageous because he knows His identity, his definition, and why he's on the earth. So when you talk [00:20:00] about these things to your, to your point about why, why it's universal, why you can speak to men in every country, every man deals with the same issues.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: You know, you talk a lot about dealing with sexual temptation, with lust. With the lust of the eye, right? Lust of the flesh, the pride of life. It's everywhere. It, in fact, it started with it with Adam
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: and it's affected every single man ever since then.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yep.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Right. So these are core issues. Yeah. They, they may not have gender fluidity, but they're dealing with child abuse issues or fra or fractured family issues.
They may not, they may not have the same. I remember The Lord is Our Shepherd didn't translate to a particular group of islanders. And a friend of mine was involved with that. And they talked about, it seems to me it was a different animal. It was like a huge lizard. [00:21:00] That the Lord carried. Right? Lord is my shepherd.
What does that mean?
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: right?
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: is the carrier of the lizard. Whatever that deal was. It was pretty cool, but the fact is is that, still the same concept.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah, yeah,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Right?
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: yeah, makes sense. So then, are there,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: think, I mean, you look at this, you're dealing with men in countries around the world.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: yeah,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: You know, when you're dealing with porn, the core issue is the heart.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: yeah,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Right? Isn't that really what you're working on
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: 100%. It's where it starts, yeah, everything starts there.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Yeah. And when you talk to a man about his heart, you know, how do you relate to that in different cultures?
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: yeah, right.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: How do you do that? Savio,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Well, I, I, I think you just start speaking the language of it, like, I think there's an understanding. You can't, you can't run away from [00:22:00] yourself. Right. And the, the things that are inherently human, we all like, like you're saying, we all deal with them. So the character thing makes a lot of sense.
And yeah, whether it's abuse or it's the fluidity issue or something else, I definitely see what you're saying. Yeah. It all starts
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: don't you think, don't you think most men also deal with father wounds?
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah, definitely. Father wounds, mother wounds, you know, trauma, all of that. Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: This is trauma. One of the key things that. If you said, okay, here's one of the major things that really is where men get hooked on pornography. Is it, is it out of trauma in the background?
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: yeah, yeah. And sometimes that word is misleading because people think they hear trauma and they think it's like you had to have been abused or something majorly significant.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Car wreck.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: yeah, exactly. But sometimes trauma is just dynamics at home or that kind of stuff. But it always plays out [00:23:00] in what people watch, why they watch it all of that kind of stuff.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: I have a friend who is very healthy now, but You know, we were, he wouldn't mind me. We've told the story. His name is Gene. And Gene, when he was probably about 24, you know, everybody's coming out of college and stuff. I remember he showed up at our house cause he'd kind of grown up at our house. And with my sons and and other friends we were kind of that house that everybody came to and and so he showed up one day with a car and it was an old Camaro and it had like four different colors because of the different pieces and parts had been put on it right and and so And it was, it was the front end was up and the back end was down.
Okay. So, and he pulls up and my boys go out and look at it and they go, man, Gene, why, why is the front up? And he goes, I don't know. I think that's just the way the car is built. And he had bought it for 200.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: [00:24:00] Okay.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And and so we opened the trunk and it's full of dirt. And somebody had been using it as a landscaping vehicle, and he didn't even look in the trunk when he bought it. So Gene, about two years later, shows up with a couple other different cars, and Niles, my son in law, looks at him and says, Gene, he said, since I've known you, in the 10 years I've known you, you've had 28 different cars. And Gene said, well, you don't, you can't count the brown one. So what do you mean? She was like, and here's, here's what was going on.
Here's, here's the deal. Think about this. He would buy $50, a hundred dollars cars, $200 cars. This is, this is now when you can't do that. Right? This is, and, and he would do that and like finally we got to the core. What is that Gene? What is that? He and the problem was. His self worth. The issue was his, his identity.
The issue was identity is the story you tell [00:25:00] yourself about yourself and the story that he was repeating. Check this out. So we begin to work into that when he's in third grade, in third grade, a teacher called out his name. And when she called out his name and called out his last name, it was, she said, Oh, Oh, it's you.
Oh, great. You're probably just going to be a mess up like your older brothers. Third grade safety and something clicked in his brain that basically told him that's who he was.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Hmm. Wow.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And the buying of 50 cars was like this, this acting out of I'm not worthy. I'm not worthwhile.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And we started walking through a spiritual healing journey.
He had some other counselors and I will tell you, he drove up to our house one day. I'll never forget this. He [00:26:00] drove up in a Honda Accord and he had paid, I don't know, 12, 000 for it or something or 10 grand or put it on payments. And I looked at that. I looked at him. I go, that's a real car. Like he's in his early thirties at that point.
Maybe he's 30. He goes, Yeah, I know. Like it's, you know, and the fact is we tend to act out and think about that little moment of trauma. That wasn't like somebody beat him up. He's a great kid. Everybody loved him, but he had this little thing that that a parental authority figure put in his mind
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yep.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: and began to color his world.
And he carried that for about 15, 16, 17 years.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Wow.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: that thing got healed, now married, two beautiful children, and he's one of the leading salesmen in the insurance company that he's at [00:27:00] here in Texas.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Wow. Huh.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Gets totally set free. But he had to do some work to do that, right? Had to walk through some spiritual paths, spiritual work, meet with counselors, walk through the thing, find his self identity in Christ,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: get that thing settled.
But isn't that funny, man? Dude, the guy, 50 cars, 100 cars, and
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: That's hilarious.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: up and he's like,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: That is
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: year old Honda Accord.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Then, yeah, if it wasn't any other person, it would just be another vehicle, but that's a big
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: No, for him it was healing, man.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah. Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: him, I looked, I go, Dude, that's like a car! Like a real car! He goes, I know!
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: It's always, it's always funny hearing, hearing stories from like, cause I'm guessing that's a couple of decades back if he was buying cars, 150, 200 bucks. Cause you can barely buy a Hot Wheels
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: too far back.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: No, not too far. Okay. All right, because
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: late thirties now.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: oh, he's like, okay, so that's not too far So I so i'm [00:28:00] curious because you you've been in this space for so long and so much has changed just naturally things change obviously over the course of time, but then You have these accelerators like technology Is there anything that you're seeing guys are getting hung up on like?
I guess especially like maybe guys more my age my generation Where you're just like dude That's not a big deal. You know, like stop, stop making a fuss about it or stop worrying about that. Or is there anything like that, that, that from your vantage point, it's just, it irks you a little bit to see guys caring so much about it.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: You mean, now you've got a new baby, and then there is that, that hovering thing. There's that helicopter thing
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Helicopter parenting. Yeah. That's the thing. Yeah. Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: You know, that's a thing. It's like, gotta have distilled water for my baby.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: it's like, dude, you know, I mean, I grew up without seatbelts, you know, it was
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Oh man.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: in the backseat flying around corners and stuff.
And, and you know, it's funny, you'd see those old things.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: [00:29:00] I was just going to say living.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: equipment was deadly,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: but the fact I think we do get hung up on, I think the culture today is very hung up on, on, if you will, my position now we would say it's hung up on. On your looks or your outward appearance or how you appear to others.
And, and I would have men that would say, well, yeah, well, I'm not hung up on that. I go, dude, you wear work boots and you're wearing work boots on purpose to prove you're not hung up.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah. That proves how hung up you are. Yeah, yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: So it's like goth. It's like the old goth days, you know, it's like, yeah, we're going to be different. We're all going to wear black. It's like, dude, no. See, what's happened is you've just created your own group.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Right.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: It's like where back in the day, there was a, the Pendleton shirts, which are great shirts [00:30:00] was a big thing.
There was a surf club when I grew up, I grew up in California on the coast. There was a surf club and that's all they wore. And it was like, they wanted to be different. Well, they were so different that they were all alike. and I think there's a, I think there is this. Desire to somehow fit in, you know, and then there's that thing that the trauma that happens out of that, the insult community, you know, the, the, that is like, I'll never fit in.
And there's there's a lot of stress and anxiety in all of that right now. And I think the interconnectedness for me, for me as a, my background in media and marketing and television films. I think what's happening, I'm not afraid of AI. I do think it's going to be abused, but so has been the internet and all these things.
I do think though that what we can do as followers of Christ is use all of these tools to bring [00:31:00] Jesus to people who would never otherwise meet Christ.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Right.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: I look at it as the greatest opportunity we've ever had to meet more people. We do I'm sitting in a studio that we just built and we do, tomorrow we'll be doing productions for Mexico.
And, and speaking into the lives of a number of key pastors, about a thousand pastors in Mexico. Well, how do you change the future of Mexico, a nation that's Really going through trauma. Well, you raise up fathers, you raise up spiritual Christian communities, you raise up men who give a damn, you know, you raise up men who who will gird their loins.
You raise up heroes and warriors. And so my deal is, yeah, let's do this thing. And so when you ask the question about the hang ups, a lot of them are the same. I don't think the good old days were that good,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah. [00:32:00] Hahaha.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: 200 years. You go back 300 years, dude. Your lifespan was like 42, you know.
You're an old man at 35.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah. Hahaha. Yeah it's true.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: working in some factory with just smoke and stuff going on. Your kids go to work at eight years old.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: that's not the good old days.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah, true.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: I think part of when we talk about that, Satya and, and all these opportunities, they're also the pitfalls, right?
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah, right.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: you used to have to go, like, get a get a a magazine. In a brown paper bag. I remember years ago there was a magazine called Playboy is pretty famous. And the back cover was, was owned basically for about 20 years by a cigarette company called Parliament and guys would walk through airports having bought one of those and then fold it up as if nobody would know what the magazine was.[00:33:00]
This is back in the era of magazines. Everybody would have something, Time Magazine, whatever it was, and they'd fold it up, but if you could see, if you saw the back, it was the Parliament ad, and you'd go, dude, busted. You know, so the, so the thing is, I think the access is really, has created issues, but I also think it creates amazing opportunities for you to do coaching, for you to do healing processes.
For us to put out videos on Christian Men's Network YouTube. For us to produce things that help grow people, that help grow churches.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yep.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And I think one of the biggest issues going on right now, Sathya, for us as men, the anxiety and stress that your generation is living with, the level of stress, it's so high.
You know, there's 500 students a day in the United States where I live, 500 students a day being, being, going into being [00:34:00] admitted into some sort of care because of stress or anxiety, 500 students a day every day.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: that's wild.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: that came from a man who's a psychologist, Toby Slough. So, what I look at is this.
The industrial age, part of the thing with the industrial age, and part of the issue for my age group, and if you will, that upper age group, maybe 45 and up, is that we equated industrial action and, and we're successful with noise. The industrial age said if there's noise going on, there's building, there's mechanized things, there's factories, all that stuff created noise, and we lived in this cacophony of noise.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And so we equate noise with productivity, and I think we've passed it down to the point that people equate noise, all this internet stuff, with some sort of productivity or, [00:35:00] or the fact that I'm alive, there is noise.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And we've traumatized ourselves with the noise of this culture.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: mm,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And what we've not learned is how to be quiet.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: mm,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Be still and know that I am God, Psalm 46. I think we have to put, I think the teaching that you and others have been putting out about Sabbath. Is so important
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: mm,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: it's not just hey rest on saturday or sunday or whatever it is or find a date night And all those things are important, but it's find a place where you're actually quiet where you rest your soul Where you where you read a great book and it doesn't have to be, you know, tim keller It can be you know, it can be steinbeck.
Whatever the just dial it down and and then begin to Recognize the presence of [00:36:00] christ
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: mm,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: in your heart and your life. And there is a, there is a if you will, the dying to self is not always this pounding. It's like, I'm gonna crush, I'm gonna crush myself. Sometimes dying to self is just being quiet,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: mm,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: stopping the noise,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: yeah,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: recognizing his presence,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: yeah,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: you know, go somewhere, walk in the woods for two hours.
It, it's on purpose.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: yeah,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: You know, it's the wilderness for Christ was a place of temptation, but it was also the place where it says he went driven by the Holy Spirit,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: right,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: after his baptism. But it says he came back in the fullness of the Holy Spirit.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: mm, right,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: that wilderness experience, and the wilderness is not just someplace out there, [00:37:00] it can be right in the middle of the city, right?
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: yeah,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: The wilderness is just a place where you don't have recognizable navigational markers.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: mm,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: That's the wilderness.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: yeah, Yeah,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: You don't know exactly where you're at, but hang on, wait a second. How did I get here? Where am I at? It's wilderness. So it may be out somewhere, maybe right where you're at. And at, and at, at that point, there's a place for us to come away with him.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: yeah, yeah,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Then, and you don't have to make a big thing, you know, big trip, five days into the thing, whatever it can be. Frankly, it could be a go home, say hi to your children.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And then say, Hey, I am on purpose to take the next three hours. I'm going up by the lake and do this thing, you
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah, well, I think it's more valuable if it's [00:38:00] lifestyle, right? If it's something that you can just do all the time, there's a lot more. I mean, that that was God's whole design, right? The seventh day he rested. It's that seven, that seven day cycle. What, like if, if so, let's say I'm, I'm coming to you, I'm overstressed, I'm overworked, I'm anxious.
Paul, I'm a mess and you have to somehow coach me to start to just slow down, which is a really good word, by the way. Like I I've, I've learned a lot from a guy named Dr. Eddie Caporucci, who's kind of a specialist on trauma recovery and that sort of thing in the sex addiction space. And his second book, he was like, he basically said it, I don't know how many times in his book, but slow down.
Like he just finds that's what he's saying to clients more than anything these days is just, Slow down. How are you, how do you coach somebody to, to actually do that? Or, or are there action steps you're talking them through? Or, you know, what, well, how does somebody start to slow down? And cause yeah, I think our generation is very [00:39:00] busy.
We're, we're very kind of neurotic almost especially with our smartphones and all that.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: yeah, everybody's ADD man or ADHD or whatever
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah. Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Everybody's distracted, and distraction is the devil's hammer. And so, I think part of that slowing down thing is finding the center of your identity and resting in that. My identity is in Christ. That's who I am. He loves me. He's not for instance okay, Romans four, it says that.
Abraham is the father of our faith, right, is a follower of Jesus Christ. It says Abraham's the father of our faith, Abraham. It says he fully trusted God. It says that, it says though, that it wasn't based on his obedience to the law, but based on his relationship, right? So, when we dial into, when we're finally able to say, okay, it's not about activity and performance, In other [00:40:00] words, Abraham's the father of our faith, but he had some doubts.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Hmm. Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: He had some moments, right? Like, Hagar, hello?
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah. Major
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: if you don't know the story he's promised to be the father of a great nation. He's 75 years old. He and his wife Sarah And God promises him he'll be the father of a great nation. This is awesome. It's gonna be fantastic. They had no kids. So you're gonna have a child.
This is great. Now they're years into this thing. And Abram's like, dude, I don't think this is gonna happen. Sarah's like, He, I mean, obviously there's this frustration moment where she finally goes, you know what, just have sex with my servant. He's like, dude, why didn't I think of that? So he does. They, they produce Ishmael. And of course, Hagar ends up being the only woman in Genesis that has her own covenant with God. But nonetheless, that's a whole other story. But the fact is, is that Is it [00:41:00] his, his like pushing this thing, like trying to push this thing, productivity, performance, all this thing pushed him ahead of God's timing
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Hmm?
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: and God's timing is perfect.
It's just that he misses some great opportunities to be early. So, so the rest is really deciding I'm going to trust him, I'm going to trust him. And as far as dialing down, I would say it comes down to this. You actually have to do it on purpose. And you have to find some space. I had a a man, he had three children, four kids, a blended family, two and two, and, and we talked about this a lot.
He drove a cement truck and he was up at four in the morning. He's out. Boom. He's back at four in the afternoon, 12 hour shifts. He's working six days a week and, and he's like, man, everything's blowing up bad. [00:42:00] I said, what do you do when you get home? He said, man, I get home as fast as I can. So I'm like, wait a second.
So you take that whole shift and that hard driving thing, production and all that, and you blow into the front door with that? He said, well, Cool. Yeah, I guess so. I said, bro, you need to stop and have a drink on the way home. You need a cup of coffee. You need just to dial down. So he started doing that.
True story. Started doing that. He would just stop 15, 20 minutes. I said, and then when you get home, he had children, the four kids. I said, you belong to them. So now you don't have to get home and then try to dial down. Hey, don't talk to dad. He's all screwed up.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: It's like he dialed down before. And in fact, it got to it became so successful.
His wife built him a little space in their garage, gave it to him for father's day, [00:43:00] like a little sitting area,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Aw.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: like in their garage, she put like little, little tree things, you know, like a chair, you know, You know, a couple other little things. He could just, he could just go there.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Wow.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Like she created, she saw the, she saw what happened to him.
And so on purpose, he began to dial down. So all of us need that space and that rest. So for me, it comes down to, you've got to do this on purpose. You've got to say, this is going to be part of my life.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Hmm.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And, and part of it, I think, Sapia, is that my identity is in Christ. And everything that God said would happen, the return of Christ, the redemption of the whole earth all of that is going to happen.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: So right now, it's going to take a minute, take a deep breath, dial it back for a second, and I think we can do that right in the middle of where we're at sometimes. [00:44:00] I don't think you have to go somewhere necessarily. Dial it back, put some music on, you know, rest. But I think you have to do it on purpose.
It's like you practice in your life, you know, whether it's date nights or whatever. My wife and I have been married 52 years and on a regular basis, we'll, we'll just take off for one night. Like I live in, in the Dallas Fort Worth area. I basically live in the Fort Worth area and we'll drive like down to Fredericksburg.
Like I'll do stuff in the office till noon on Monday. Okay. And then we'll drive, hang out, stay overnight, Monday night, go to a nice dinner, Tuesday morning, leisurely drive back, stop at, obviously we got to stop at places that have antiques and all that crap, and you know, do the stuff that she loves, fills up her tank, time together.
I'll be back by about three o'clock in the afternoon on Tuesday. [00:45:00] In time to retrieve anything that happened during that day.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Right.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And we feel like when we do that, we feel like we've been gone for a week.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Hmm.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: There's just a thing that happens in that process. It's just unbelievably healthy. So these little date night things, you know, that we do, they're, they're super important.
And it doesn't have to be this big thing. Doesn't have to be that.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And it can be inexpensive. It can be literally going to a park, hanging for a couple hours.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yep.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: So, so for my deal is you first, in order to be able to rest, you first have to become comfortable in your identity. You have to be come aware of your definition because your definition produces your decisions.
All behavior comes from belief.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Right.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And so, I think, you know, for me, Sathya, it, it [00:46:00] is becoming a follower of Jesus Christ. One of the beauties of that, one of the benefits of becoming a follower of Christ. is I now have an identity that's so much larger than myself. It's as big as eternity. That I'm part of this thing.
It's like, ah, okay, yeah, okay, that's, that's who I am. And I've found something I can stake my life on.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: Now I can find a place of rest. And now I can find a place. Why do I do the stuff I do? I'll give you a quick example. I've got a friend Gary, who pastored a church in London for years. And we were sitting and we were down in Peru and we were having a dinner and he's having a salad.
And everybody's ordering steak, it's a steak place. And he's having a salad. I said, dude, what are you doing? And he said, this is a gift to my grandchildren.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: [00:47:00] Wow.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: He didn't have any grandchildren yet. I said, how many grandchildren do you have? He said, I don't have any yet. He said, but when I do have grandchildren, I'm going to be healthy.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Dang.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: said, so right now, this is a gift to my grandchildren. And it changed my life, bro. I was like, why do I work out? What's my motivation? To look some way? You know, why am I working and doing things? To have a car that everybody goes, oh yeah, cool car. Or, am I really, is my motivation about legacy,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: about what I leave behind.
You know, what you do in life becomes history, but what you put into motion becomes your legacy.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Hmm.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: So, so yeah, so I drive a 12 year old Chevy pickup because I like it and it's got a big motor and it's loud. So yeah,
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: That's powerful. It's really powerful. I want to [00:48:00] respect your time. For people who want to find out more about Christian men's network, what you guys are up to, what's a good way for them to do that, Paul?
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: cmn. men, Christian Men's Network, cmn. men and tools and resources for discipling men. And we are allies with you. Thrilled with what's happening with your ministry. I think it's, you know, it's so needed and other men who are in the same space It is you know, I think of my friend Jeremy Wiles who did the conquer series And you know, like he did his like like it's the way you did it.
You just bootstrapped it man It's just bootstrapped and what was the motivation to have something like a bunch of people like like your Instagram? No, it's about bringing health to people in the same thing that happened in your life You
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Yeah,
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: And dude, you had a long journey, man. Like you, like your journey was like 15 years when we talk about, you know, stuff happening, you know, you [00:49:00] had to, and you went through all these different things.
So, you know, the, the fact is, is that we need to process this and journey this together. And that's why I'm thrilled with what you're doing. So Christian Men's Network, resource for discipling men, cmn. men. Our thing is it builds strong men to build strong churches, excuse me, build strong men to build strong families, to build strong churches, to change the future.
riverside_sathiya_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0007: Come on. That's so good. We'll put links in the show notes. Paul, appreciate your time today, man. Thanks so much.
riverside_paul_louis cole_raw-video-cfr_unleash_the man wit_0006: All right, buddy.
Well, I'm so grateful for Paul and all the work they're doing. Um, you know, again, he's very humble about it, but they are. Phenomenal at what they do and they've accomplished a lot. Go check out their stuff. Link is in the show notes Christian men's network and uh, they really um, They really do provide a lot of resources for guys in just about any any area you can imagine So I know you're going to benefit from them And maybe if you um are hearing us talk about, you know, pornography, [00:50:00] lust Uh, some of those things that come with it and you're looking for a little bit of guidance in that area You I'd love for you to check out some of our other resources.
Um, you know, we got all kinds of stuff going on. We got books and we got trainings. Um, but really, for those of you who are serious about making a change, you want to become that man that God's made you to be. You want to lead your home well. You want to step into your calling. You want to live with less stress and anxiety.
Some of those things we're talking about and you know that you need to quit pornography. You need to get to the heart of the matter and get the stuff out of your life. Check out my program, deep clean. There's a link in the show notes that has a video that kind of explains a bit more about what we do and how we might be able to serve you.
Uh, I'd love for you to check that out. And if you don't think we're a good fit, hey, no harm, no foul. Um, and if it does look like something you're interested in, You can book a call with someone on my team, and we can, uh, you know, just chat through and see if it makes sense for us to work together. So, uh, I'd love for you guys to check that out.
In the meantime, uh, if you got some value from this interview, or maybe you know somebody who you think, oh man, they need to hear this, or maybe you've talked about these things [00:51:00] before, and now you're getting a different set of opinions about something, You want to bounce it off them. Make sure you're spreading the word that helps us get the message out and it helps us change more people's lives.
And I know you want to be a part of that if you've listened this far into the interview. So, I appreciate you. Thank you so much. Have an amazing day, my friend. We'll talk soon. Bye bye.
[00:52:00]
