776 - Dealing With Dad Wounds
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[00:00:00] Hey, hey, what's up, my man? It's Sathya Sam here. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you're having an amazing day. And I can promise you it's going to get a little bit better because we're talking about father wounds today and look, we all have a dad, whether you know him or you don't there is a conversation that needs to happen about father wounds and we're going to have it today.
Before I do that, before I jump in, look, if you are seeking specific help, quitting pornography, I want to let you know that we have a [00:01:00] few spots available in my coaching program right now, which is called deep clean. There's a link to check out a case study video. This explains just a little bit more about what we're about.
And if you see what you like, it looks like maybe it's a good fit. You want to explore it a bit more than you can book a call with someone on my team. We would love to speak with you. We'd love to see if we can help you. And the honest truth is, you know, our success rate is very high, you know, 70, 80% but the honest truth is it only works that way because we're picky about who we work with.
We want to make sure it's a good match. We want to make sure we can actually help the people that we're serving. And and I should be more specific when I say our success rate is 70%. What I mean is 70 percent of our clients right now have at least two months of freedom by the time they're done our program.
It's only four months long to get some context and we're starting to track people a little bit longer term. So I'll give you some better numbers pretty soon here. But we have things really going in the right direction, a lot of momentum. And actually just got a story this week from a guy who's a Who finished our program over a year ago.
He's still going strong and and it's been a lot of fun to see. And actually we hear those stories all the time. So, [00:02:00] anyway I'm rambling now. If you want to check out more about our program, the link is there. Go check out the case study video. We'd love to see if we can help you. What we're talking about today is not the easiest subject in the world.
And I say that as somebody who really avoided this subject for many, many years. And that is the whole subject of, you know, father wounds. You know, what do you do when your dad has let you down? Your dad has done something to hurt you. And you know the truth is, No parent is perfect, and that whole concept that that statement right there alone took me years to actually accept because growing up, my dad was my hero, you know, to this day.
My dad is still one of my heroes. And, you know, I was the I mean, I look like my dad. I think like my dad. I. You know, I used to just like, I would go grocery shopping anytime he ran an errand, I would always ask, can I come? Can I come? I just want to be around my dad. I remember you know, I was in the middle of my recovery and I had gone to a very [00:03:00] intense.
Four or five day, yeah, it was a five day intensive that kind of focused on inner healing, inner child work, some of the stuff that, you know, we teach our clients and that we do with them and I had to fill in this intake form. It was very exhaustive, like just the longest form of the world. You just feel like you're pouring your entire life into this paper and submitting it to, you know, in this case, it was two strangers who were going to be working with me for for a couple of days.
Yeah. One of the questions was about my relationship with my dad. You know, what do you think of your dad and describe him? And I had written something to the effect of, you know, if I could be calm, even half the person my dad is, I would be really happy. And I wrote that in complete sincerity. And I also wrote that because I knew that that's kind of what you say about your dad or about a hero when you really idolize them or you really respect them.
And so I thought I had done a really noble thing and I was in the session and, you know, they're kind of going through different responses that I put and and [00:04:00] eventually we get to this part and, you know, the, the guy. The guy says, you know, I noticed that you put you put this thing about your dad here.
And you know, my, my shoulders kind of went up and my chest was out and I was all proud of my answer. And he was like, yeah, he's like, so tell me more about that. What's up with that. And even just the way he asked it, you could tell he, he was like poking at it, you know, like he wasn't giving me like a round of applause and a pat on the back.
He was like, something's wrong here. And he's asking about it. And I remember just being like, Totally caught off guard. Like, wait, what do you mean? You know, like this is like, this is such a good thing to say about your dad. And I really respect him. And anyway, we get, we get into this kind of deeper conversation and it turns out that I'm just putting all this pressure on myself.
To basically to be like my dad. And I put all this expectation on my dad to do a bunch of things for me that he simply could not. And so in the process of kind of, you know, we're going through the session, we're talking these things through and I'm going, wow, you know, these are just things I had never really thought about.
And then, you know, that that was sort of one strand. [00:05:00] And then the other strand that kind of came out is. You know what? My dad is an amazing guy and he was an amazing father. And at the same time, you know, he wasn't perfect. And there were certain areas where you know, where actually there were some shortcomings and.
I kind of glossed over them, you know, cause it was, Oh, that's just dad. Or, you know, that's what you do when you're a man or, you know, whatever, we have all these kinds of justifications. But these two strands sort of got unraveled in this session, the first session and, you know, with each session that came, we, we, we pulled on them a little bit more and we started to discover a little bit more of what was at play and some of the narratives and some of the memories, and it was really impactful and I don't have time to detail all of those for you today.
But what I want to tell you is something shifted in my sense of masculinity and even my sense of self out of those sessions and whether this, this is coming from the angle of like, I had a really good dad and, you know, there was, there was not a lot to complain about. There's [00:06:00] still not a lot to complain about.
And I know some of you come from the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Your dad was neglectful and he was abusive and he was disrespectful and he had no regard for you. And maybe, maybe it was even worse that maybe he was just absent altogether. You know, he was a criminal or he was really young or whatever the reasons are that he abandoned and ran away.
And I know that a bunch of you probably are somewhere in the middle or it's like, yeah, dad was good, but not great. Or dad was so so he was okay. What I want you to hear is that number one. We all have these wounds, you know, even even someone like me who had things really good. The wound still exist.
But number two. Is that there is incredible freedom and incredible breakthrough on the other side of dealing with dad wounds. Really interesting. You know, our, our program, the way it's laid out when we help people through the trauma parts of their story. One of the things we ask them is, you know, what's the gender that you're attracted to primarily?[00:07:00]
And we have them start to work through parent wounds of that gender. So, you know, if you're attracted primarily to women, then we have you start with your mom. Again, it's just a little tool to kind of get the ball rolling because a lot of the guys that we work with are like, I actually don't know.
And some of them do, and if they do, and they want to go in a different direction or the reverse direction, I suppose, that's totally okay. We just use it as sort of a guide to get things kick started. But the interesting thing here is you know, a lot of guys that deal with same sex attraction that, that, again, that system would naturally have them focusing on the relation with their father.
And both people with same sex attraction and guys with just, you know, regular. Opposite sex attraction. Both of them we find that when they deal with father wounds, yes, things shift in a bunch of different ways. And you could talk about their emotional maturity and their mindset and all that kind of stuff.
But the biggest shift that we really witnessed is actually. People just developing a firm sense of self and that's such a big deal. You know, it's such a big deal for a guy to feel good about himself, to feel confident in himself. And [00:08:00] you know, for me, I, I, I think the thing I remember the most when I was really concentrated in this area, because, you know, many of these things are ongoing, but when I was really concentrated in this area, the thing I remember feeling the most is I can be myself, you know, the pressure's off for me to be like my dad, because I had actually built an idol out of him.
You know, and I was, I was feeling this pressure to kind of be something that I wasn't and to do things the way he did them instead of doing things the way that God's designed me to do them, you know, and it was just a beautiful thing to embrace my individuality, to accept myself for who I am and to step out into that more and more.
And the byproducts of that are literally existed in my life every single day. And like I said, this stuff surfaces again and again, you know, when I, when when I was getting ready to become a father, I actually went and did a session with somebody because I was realizing like I have all this pressure.
I'm putting all this pressure on myself to be an amazing father and to be to have the same impact on my son, the way my dad impacted me and just realizing like, man, I just got to own it. I just [00:09:00] got to do it my way and it's going to be totally okay. And some things will probably align a lot with the way my dad did things.
Some things are going to be different. Doesn't really matter. The point is that I'm doing it my own way. And so I just want to encourage you guys. Work through your father wounds and some of the areas where you are stuck and stagnant. Well, those areas are going to start to develop when you're willing to confront the father wounds that are buried underneath them.
So make sure you're going after them. Certainly if you're in recovery, it doesn't matter whether it's, whether you have same sex attraction or opposite sex attraction, dealing with father, which is a big deal. And in another episode, we'll have to do another episode on this. But a huge reason is because these start to flavor and filter.
The way that we view God and the way that we experience him and obviously that really plays into our sense of self, our core intimacy, the way we process things emotionally and all that good stuff in between. So, a lot to unpack here. This is a big subject and it's a short podcast episode. But I hope this gives you a little bit of a taster.
I [00:10:00] want to encourage you to dive deeper into this stuff, guys. This is serious business and it is totally worth it. On the other side is breakthrough is growth is healing and ultimately freedom. I think that's everything for today. Thank you guys again so much for listening. Have an amazing day.
We'll talk soon. Bye bye. [00:11:00]
