766 - The Dangers of Celibacy & Abstinence
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[00:00:30] Sathiya Sam: Yo, yo, what is up, my man? It's Sathya Sam here. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. [00:00:35] Thank you so much for listening. I hope you're having a fantastic day.
[00:00:38] Sathiya Sam: Uh, look, today we're going to talk about a bit of a. [00:00:40] Spicy one, the dangers of celibacy and abstinence. It's going to be super [00:00:45] interesting. Uh, but before I jump into that, I want to just mention really quickly. Um, if [00:00:50] you haven't left a rating or review for the show yet, that is helping us grow really [00:00:55] quickly and I really have appreciated, I mean, the reality is we have grown tremendously the last [00:01:00] couple of years, no sponsors, no ads, just you guys doing your thing.
[00:01:04] Sathiya Sam: It means [00:01:05] the world to me. And I really just want to thank you. Those of you that have already done that, if you haven't yet, [00:01:10] uh, you see value in what we're providing and you want to help the show grow, that is the best way you [00:01:15] can do it. And it really does go a long way for us. Um, so whatever platform it [00:01:20] is, Spotify, Apple podcast, um, I'm actually an overcast guy myself.
[00:01:24] Sathiya Sam: I know it's [00:01:25] kind of random, uh, but wherever it might be. Um, those, uh, reviews go a long way. And [00:01:30] if you're willing to leave one for us, it would mean the world to me. So that's everything. Uh, appreciate you [00:01:35] guys. Thank you for your support. In the meantime, let's jump into today's [00:01:40] content. So, uh, today's content actually was inspired by a recent interview I [00:01:45] did with a guy named Jim O'Day and he has a.
[00:01:48] Sathiya Sam: Non for [00:01:50] profit freedom recovery organization that is [00:01:55] based primarily on Catholic traditions and Catholic faith. And, [00:02:00] I'm not against Catholicism. Um, obviously there's parts of it that I don't believe and don't agree with. [00:02:05] Uh, but it was really cool to have him on here. To hear his perspective and [00:02:10] I flip flopped on whether or not I want to ask him a question about [00:02:15] all of the scandals that have been in the Catholic church, especially with priests touching little [00:02:20] boys, basically.
[00:02:21] Sathiya Sam: And you know, , I had just met him. Some of these podcasts guests, [00:02:25] um, I'm meeting really just before the interview and some of them I, I've known for a while, or, you know, you [00:02:30] do a pre call, it just sort of depends on the arrangement. But, uh, anyway, halfway through the interview. [00:02:35] I just decided what the heck I'm going to ask him.
[00:02:37] Sathiya Sam: And I wasn't sure, you know, what he was going to say, but [00:02:40] he had a really interesting response. And my question basically was, do you think [00:02:45] that there's an explanation for why priests [00:02:50] have been so notorious for sexual abuse in the Catholic church? And do you think it [00:02:55] has anything to do with their vow for celibacy and [00:03:00] abstinence?
[00:03:00] Sathiya Sam: And I thought for sure he was going to kind of defend it. And [00:03:05] he basically just said, yes, he said, yeah, I think so. [00:03:10] And, um, and I just thought, I just thought that was really interesting. Um, and, uh, and [00:03:15] I, I wasn't expecting it. And as we got more into it, it starts to become very obvious [00:03:20] why celibacy would create these kinds of issues.
[00:03:22] Sathiya Sam: And it, you know, number one, it sort of, [00:03:25] uh, had me feeling for my single guys. Those of you that are listening that are single. It's not easy. It's [00:03:30] not easy living a life of abstinence and celibacy. And those of you that are dating or engaged, my word, [00:03:35] um, all the more challenging, you know, when you're kind of, uh, about to cross the goal line, [00:03:40] but you're not quite there, right?
[00:03:42] Sathiya Sam: Um, difficult. And [00:03:45] what I wanted to talk about today is why I think there's a link, you know, and, uh, [00:03:50] it's a little bit about what we discussed in that interview with Jim, but there's, there's other layers to this, [00:03:55] um, why there's a link between. You know, celibacy and abstinence [00:04:00] and sexual misbehavior, especially abusive behavior.
[00:04:03] Sathiya Sam: If you've made a vow of [00:04:05] celibacy, that's lifetime. Um, and secondly, how to approach these [00:04:10] subjects in a way that's actually really healthy. So why would celibacy cause sexual [00:04:15] misbehavior with celibacy? Celibacy in of itself is actually a healthy [00:04:20] sexual behavior. Again, in the right context, celibacy in a marriage.
[00:04:24] Sathiya Sam: Huge problem. [00:04:25] Celibacy for a priest who has to abide by this to fulfill his professional [00:04:30] responsibilities. Very healthy, right? Celibacy for a single man who [00:04:35] wants to stay pure going into marriage, and save himself for his wife. Very pure, right? Like [00:04:40] very good thing. So context matters here, but celibacy generally is seen as a good [00:04:45] thing.
[00:04:46] Sathiya Sam: Let's think about what celibacy is. Okay. What we're basically [00:04:50] saying is, Hey, all of those sexual desires that you have, all of those [00:04:55] sexual urges and impulses and things that come up. Just stuff those [00:05:00] just put those things away sweep it under the rug keep them at bay and [00:05:05] then one day you're gonna get married and All of the sudden you're just gonna open [00:05:10] the doors like life like this closet That's been just crammed full of so much [00:05:15] stuff.
[00:05:15] Sathiya Sam: It's bursting the door barely stays shut one day You're gonna open it and all of [00:05:20] a sudden you're just gonna have this beautiful beautiful experience [00:05:25] Kind of silly, right? Like it doesn't work that way. And even with the closet metaphor, it's like, once you [00:05:30] open that door, it's a mess. It's a mess. Even if it's full of things that, that are [00:05:35] supposed to be in the room, they're not just suddenly organized and neatly put in their place.
[00:05:39] Sathiya Sam: Right. [00:05:40] And the point is that celibacy the wrong way is [00:05:45] all about suppression. It's all about stuffing. It's all about [00:05:50] ignoring and neglecting. And what happens is if you [00:05:55] don't, you know, if you make a vow of. Celibacy for life. What [00:06:00] happens is that closet eventually cannot stay shut and the door bursts open on its [00:06:05] own and it creates all kinds of messes and the Catholic church has been an [00:06:10] example of that.
[00:06:10] Sathiya Sam: And look, the, the non Catholic church, you know, we, we haven't exactly been [00:06:15] the best example of that either. A lot of leaders having moral failures, right? [00:06:20] So this whole conversation around celibacy and abstinence is often [00:06:25] really misinformed. The goal in this is not [00:06:30] to stifle sexuality, but rather to celebrate it.
[00:06:34] Sathiya Sam: [00:06:35] And so this takes me into the second component of our episode today, which is that if we want to really go [00:06:40] about these subject matters in a way that's fruitful and healthy, [00:06:45] then we want to make sure that we are seeing sex for what it is. Um, [00:06:50] in the case of the Catholic priest who vows to a lifetime of celibacy, who says it's [00:06:55] not just for a season, it's not just for, you know, a decade or two decades of my life, even [00:07:00] for the rest of my life, I will be celibate.
[00:07:02] Sathiya Sam: I will not be engaging in sexual activity [00:07:05] when sexual desires arise because they will. [00:07:10] They're not the enemy. They're there. That person's just as human [00:07:15] as any other person, celibate or not. So when the sexual desires [00:07:20] arise, those are things that need to be surrendered to the Lord. We want to embrace them.
[00:07:24] Sathiya Sam: [00:07:25] We want to acknowledge it for whether what it is, whether it's something lustful or maybe it's something that's totally [00:07:30] innocent and it's just, wow, that's a beautiful woman. But we have [00:07:35] to keep this part of our lives. We can't [00:07:40] just try to kill it and then suddenly resuscitate it when we're allowed to have sex again or in the case of a [00:07:45] priest, um, you know, never resuscitate it ever again.
[00:07:48] Sathiya Sam: And hope that [00:07:50] some dead part of our inner being is going to just, you know, coast and we're going to be just fine. [00:07:55] Not how it works. We are too, sex is too innate for us [00:08:00] to approach it that way. So if you are approaching celibacy and [00:08:05] abstinence, Or you're encouraging somebody in it. They have to understand that [00:08:10] sexuality is meant to be celebrated.
[00:08:12] Sathiya Sam: It is God designed. It is God [00:08:15] given and God celebrates it just as much as we do. And when we can [00:08:20] acknowledge those things and articulate them and name them and bring them before the Lord [00:08:25] and say, God, I'm having this desire, God, I'm having this thought, God, thank you that you've wired me [00:08:30] to be a sexual being that recognizes people of beauty, people that are attractive when we [00:08:35] can bring these things to him.
[00:08:37] Sathiya Sam: The entire experience changes because [00:08:40] there's no longer something stuffed in the closet, you know, stifled that's [00:08:45] bound to just burst one day, you know, a weak moment or whatever. It might be overwhelmed. [00:08:50] Rather, we are, we are diffusing these situations healthily. And so [00:08:55] nothing's getting stored or pent up.
[00:08:57] Sathiya Sam: Rather, everything is getting processed in its [00:09:00] appropriate way. And look, if you, if you run into difficulties, you know, where it's like, [00:09:05] all right, I just can't seem to get over this, this one thought or this one person or whatever it is, [00:09:10] then find somebody to talk to about it. Like the point is that [00:09:15] we need to be intentional.
[00:09:17] Sathiya Sam: About finding ways to process these things, [00:09:20] diffuse them, reach a resolve, and then boom, [00:09:25] move on with their lives. That's the idea. And the same is actually [00:09:30] true if you're sexually active and in a relationship. Not everything is meant to be sexualized. You shouldn't be [00:09:35] thinking about sex day and night.
[00:09:36] Sathiya Sam: That's not how this thing works. And the idea is that if you [00:09:40] have unwanted sexual thoughts or desires or urges, Look, that happens when you're [00:09:45] sexually active just as much as when you're not. And we want to, we want to handle them the same way. We want to [00:09:50] diffuse them. We want to embrace them, celebrate the sexual part of us, and then [00:09:55] figure out how to reach a resolve so we can move forward with our lives.
[00:09:59] Sathiya Sam: The dangers of [00:10:00] celibacy and absence are that we actually stifle that we [00:10:05] create this sort of volcano that is going to erupt. It's just a matter of time. What we want to do [00:10:10] instead is we want to diffuse the situation as they come so that we stay [00:10:15] at a relatively even keel and stable place.
[00:10:17] Sathiya Sam: And when we can't do that on our own, we want to make sure we're [00:10:20] reaching out for help from other people, people that we trust, people that [00:10:25] love us. And people that support us. So that's everything for today. Thank you guys so much for listening. Again, [00:10:30] if you're finding value from what we're doing here, thanks for leaving a rating or review on your platform.
[00:10:34] Sathiya Sam: It goes a long [00:10:35] way for us. In the meantime, love you guys. See you soon. [00:10:40] [00:10:45] [00:10:50] [00:10:55] [00:11:00] [00:11:05] [00:11:10] [00:11:15] [00:11:20] [00:11:25] [00:11:30] [00:11:35] [00:11:40] [00:11:45] [00:11:50] [00:11:55] [00:12:00] [00:12:05]
