754 - 8 Things I've Learned In 8 Years of Freedom
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[00:00:00] [00:00:05] [00:00:10] [00:00:15] [00:00:20] [00:00:25] [00:00:30] What is up, my man? It's Sathya Sam here. Welcome to Unleash the Man [00:00:35] Within. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you're having a fantastic day. Um, and [00:00:40] look, I just hit eight years of freedom. February is my, is kind of my, my freedom month. And, uh, [00:00:45] that's when I had my last relapse back in 2016. Um, so I know February has passed, but [00:00:50] Forget it.
[00:00:50] You know, I wanted to share with you guys, um, eight things that I've learned in now eight plus [00:00:55] years of freedom. Um, I'm excited to dive into all that now before I do [00:01:00] really quickly. if you are in recovery or maybe you're looking to get into recovery [00:01:05] and you're looking for a framework, you know, this, this podcast is actually the, [00:01:10] uh, the result. Of a coaching practice that is successfully helping [00:01:15] guys quit pornography all the time and we took our system and our methods and we put it into a book called The [00:01:20] Last Relapse.
[00:01:21] And so if you're interested in having your last relapse as well, um, [00:01:25] there's a free copy of it available to you at the last. book. com. [00:01:30] You just have to type that in, go get your copy, send me your email. So I know where I need to send it to [00:01:35] and boom, it'll be in your inbox. And I'm telling you, we get emails every single week.
[00:01:38] Still to this day, that [00:01:40] book has almost been out for almost. Two years. Um, and we still [00:01:45] regularly get emails with people. Thank you for the content, sharing how their lives have been changed by it. And it [00:01:50] also comes with a free workbook.
[00:01:51] So there's literally no charge here. The last relapse book. [00:01:55] com. You can get started today and I know you're going to get value from it. Uh, now let's jump [00:02:00] into our content. My last relapse was in February 2018 after being addicted for [00:02:05] eight, uh, 15 years. And in the last five years of my addiction, you know, I [00:02:10] prayed two things.
[00:02:11] One is God, whoever my, my future wife is, keep her [00:02:15] from me until I'm ready. You know, until you think I'm ready. Not till I think I'm ready until you think [00:02:20] I'm ready. And number two is if you set me free, if you help me figure this out, then I will [00:02:25] help as many other men as possible, figure this out as well.
[00:02:28] And I had no [00:02:30] idea that that second prayer would lead to, you know, hundreds of thousands of [00:02:35] downloads on a podcast. Um, you know. I mean, tens of thousands of lists of [00:02:40] readers, rather of our newsletter every, uh, every month. And now, you know, hundreds of thousands of [00:02:45] followers online. It's wild to see how things have grown and where they've gone.[00:02:50]
[00:02:50] And the one thing that I always try to remind myself of is [00:02:55] how hard it was to get here. You know, the last eight [00:03:00] years. Of freedom have been way easier than the eight years prior [00:03:05] to that, you know, the, the fumbling around the trying different solutions, the, uh, [00:03:10] the quick fixes and the gimmicks and the little stupid hacks that I thought would work, you [00:03:15] know, those, those days were agonizing.
[00:03:17] And when I did find it, finally get more to the roots and [00:03:20] figure out how to actually get to the causal elements, still very painful and very arduous, [00:03:25] but much more fruitful. And, um, I was sort of [00:03:30] reflecting, you know, because I, I, I think what's required to obtain freedom is [00:03:35] different than what's required to require to sustain it.
[00:03:38] And if I look back on the [00:03:40] last eight years, I could tell you, like, here's some of the things I've done that have allowed me to stay free. [00:03:45] Um, but. That's not what this is about. This is actually about how to get free. And [00:03:50] so I really had to kind of dig further into the archives. And I was actually even just looking at photos of myself [00:03:55] in those earlier seasons, because photos have this way of sort of transcending time.
[00:03:59] And [00:04:00] you can get back into a moment or a season of your life just by looking at a photo. [00:04:05] And so I was trying to do that, you know, and I was trying to remember what were some of the things that really helped me get [00:04:10] things going. Um, and on the flip side, you know, which of these things [00:04:15] have actually Into my times of freedom because [00:04:20] there's some things I needed to do when I was in recovery that I don't need to do anymore and [00:04:25] I could share those things with you and I have shared those things with you guys on the podcast, but what I want to [00:04:30] share with you today are the sort of eight things that I can say.
[00:04:33] You know what? This [00:04:35] mattered when I was in recovery. And it's mattered while I'm in freedom as well on the preventative [00:04:40] side. But also like the goal is not just to get free. So you can say, woohoo, I quit porn. The goal is to [00:04:45] get free so that you can live your life and maximize your potential and, you know, take risks that [00:04:50] you didn't take before and become the person God made you to be.
[00:04:53] And these eight things are going [00:04:55] to help you do that as well. So wherever you fall on the spectrum of recovery, [00:05:00] There's something relevant here for you today. And without further ado, let's jump in. [00:05:05] Number one, and I've said this before and I'll say it again, and you're going to, you'll hear this all the [00:05:10] time for me.
[00:05:10] Consistency is king and the things I'm consistent in [00:05:15] now are different than the things I was consistent in when I was in recovery, [00:05:20] building that muscle of being consistent. is [00:05:25] useful. Nonetheless, it doesn't matter what the season is. Number two, you can't do it alone.
[00:05:29] [00:05:30] My goodness. If there's one thing that I would tell young Sophia early in [00:05:35] recovery, even halfway through recovery, and even late in recovery, You can't freaking do [00:05:40] this alone. Nobody's impressed by your look at these great results. I did on my own. That's a [00:05:45] myth. People achieve better when they work together.[00:05:50]
[00:05:50] And so for me, involving friends, pastors, mentors, leaders, [00:05:55] eventually, you know, paying to be part of a program, I did it all. And I found that to be [00:06:00] way more fruitful than anything I could have done on my own. Number [00:06:05] three is trust the process. Now, this is a, this one comes with a little bit of a caveat, so trust the [00:06:10] process.
[00:06:10] But the question of course is what process, what are we talking about? [00:06:15] Cause you know, you can't just be aimless and unintentional and expect to quit [00:06:20] pornography. It doesn't work that way. So when I say trust the process, what I'm talking [00:06:25] about is finding a system that you trust. And then trusting it with all your heart, [00:06:30] soul, mind, and strength.
[00:06:32] Um, I have paid for a lot of coaches [00:06:35] over the years. I've spent over a hundred thousand dollars working with coaches and consultants and trying to [00:06:40] better my business, trying to better my family, trying to better my physical health. And the list [00:06:45] goes on and on. I can tell you, I can tell you straight up [00:06:50] that when I have worked with someone where I don't fully trust them, I don't get the same [00:06:55] kind of results.
[00:06:56] But when I am convinced this system is for me, this [00:07:00] person's got something, I need it, that's when I get the best results. And that's when I get [00:07:05] results the most quickly. So trust the process, but make sure [00:07:10] it's a process you trust. And what I mean by that is once you found the process [00:07:15] that you trust. You gotta go all in, okay?
[00:07:18] And I don't mean that like, you [00:07:20] know, you take every single word they say as if it were the Bible. What I mean is, you gotta give it [00:07:25] a fair shot. And we've seen that in our own practice. You know, when guys really [00:07:30] are convinced that our program is the way for them to move forward, Man, they just take [00:07:35] off like a rocket ship.
[00:07:36] And it's not to say that there aren't difficulties along the way. It's not all [00:07:40] daisies and roses. The point is that they trusted enough that [00:07:45] despite the bumps in the road, they're still willing to move forward. And [00:07:50] that's why you need to trust the process. Number four. And I wish somebody would have told me this a long time [00:07:55] ago.
[00:07:55] God is on your side. Crazy. You know, who would have thought God [00:08:00] is excited about you getting free just as much as you are. And, um, [00:08:05] it took me a long time to believe that, you know, and then I kept reading scriptures and I kept seeing, oh, actually, [00:08:10] yeah, you know what? God's not condemning me for living unrighteously.
[00:08:14] [00:08:15] Actually, it's the opposite. God is saying, Hey, I see your unrighteousness and I see you falling short and I see you [00:08:20] struggling. I've made a better way for you. You know, I've called you to better things. Let's move in [00:08:25] that direction. God is on your side, more excited about your freedom than you are. [00:08:30] Number five is that fixed plans fail.
[00:08:32] And this is, uh, this is a lesson that Sathya [00:08:35] is still learning. I'll tell you even to this day, even just recently, uh, I really got [00:08:40] confronted with how. Attached, I get to a plan, and I think the best plans [00:08:45] are flexible in nature, and it doesn't mean that you don't have a framework or a sort of [00:08:50] backbone that architects the main components, but [00:08:55] you always want to have a degree of malleability in your plans and.
[00:08:58] We've seen guys come [00:09:00] into our program and they're just way too rigid. Um, and I've seen myself be way too [00:09:05] rigid. I think about even just being a father now and, you know, learning how to, how to raise a newborn and, [00:09:10] you know, they're so unpredictable and there's a lot of, uh, a lot of things that change sort of on a [00:09:15] whim.
[00:09:15] It's very important that you have that flexibility built in. [00:09:20] And so, uh, if you're looking to get free and you're looking to stay free, you want to make sure you [00:09:25] always reserve a degree of flexibility in your approach to plans. If you become too [00:09:30] fixed, too rigid, uh, you're actually going to, you're not going to make necessary tweaks [00:09:35] that lead to the greatest outcomes.
[00:09:37] Number six is your surroundings. [00:09:40] Matter. Okay. And in recovery, this is true on sort of the, [00:09:45] um, the more granular side of things of like the room you're in. And where do you spend your [00:09:50] time? And where are you using your devices? And is it dark? And can nobody see what you're looking at? Or is it [00:09:55] up and out in a little bit more open area?
[00:09:56] You know, those kinds of surroundings. But, um, what [00:10:00] I'm discovering is the social component of this conversation is very [00:10:05] important. The people that you surround yourself with matters immensely. [00:10:10] And that's why, you know, again, to our, the second point is if you're doing this thing alone, um, you don't have [00:10:15] the people around you to encourage you, to inspire you, to give you wisdom and guidance.
[00:10:19] Um, [00:10:20] and we know the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it's connection. And so we know [00:10:25] that your surroundings matter. Make sure. You're surrounded with people who are pursuing [00:10:30] recovery fearlessly. And, uh, I think that's everything for that one. Number [00:10:35] seven is that momentum matters most. So your surroundings matter, but [00:10:40] momentum matters most.
[00:10:42] And I'm amazed at how many guys actually self [00:10:45] sabotage their own recovery efforts. Because they stopped doing the things that got the momentum in the [00:10:50] first place. So, you know, they start journaling, they're like, Wow, journaling is amazing. This is like the best thing ever, you [00:10:55] know. And then after a month, they're like, Eh, you know, journaling, it's whatever.
[00:10:58] Because the novelty is worn off, [00:11:00] but it's still working. But then, you know, somebody talks about internet filters, and they're like, Oh my gosh, yeah, you [00:11:05] know, I need an internet filter. And so, they're like, Well, I probably don't need to journal as much anymore. I got the internet filter. [00:11:10] And they end up completely destroying Their success.
[00:11:14] So what I [00:11:15] want to tell you is that momentum matters most momentum matters most. And if you [00:11:20] have something that is working, if you have something that is pushing things forward, [00:11:25] protect that thing at all costs, whatever you do, do not give up on it. Make sure it [00:11:30] is the centerpiece as long as it's providing you momentum, because I'll tell you [00:11:35] many, a recovery effort have been.
[00:11:37] forfeited, surrendered and [00:11:40] decimated because the man failed to protect the momentum. So [00:11:45] make sure you do that. And the last thing, stay hopeful always. Okay. Very, [00:11:50] very important. You know, uh, expose yourself to stories of recovery. Make [00:11:55] sure that you're listening to, uh, people who have recovered like myself, because you need to be [00:12:00] reminded.
[00:12:00] That it's possible that it's possible. And if all you hear are failure stories and this didn't work for [00:12:05] me, and that didn't work for me, and I tried to quit it, I couldn't figure it out. If those are the things you're hearing [00:12:10] for, it's going to, or you're hearing, rather, it's going to squash your hope. And it's going to leave [00:12:15] you in this place where you're wondering, I don't know if I can do it or not, but if you stay hopeful.
[00:12:19] And if you were [00:12:20] constantly inundated with stories of recovery and reminders that this is possible, your brain will [00:12:25] naturally start to, you know, pursue, push ahead and aim towards [00:12:30] that goal. That is what I want for all of you listening to this. And so I pray that my [00:12:35] eight years of freedom has helped you learn something along the way.
[00:12:37] And I pray that it propels you not only [00:12:40] to a place of freedom, but to many, many more years. I hope you guys go way longer than eight years. [00:12:45] Freedom that lasts, freedom that improves your marriages, freedom that allows you to step [00:12:50] into all that God's placed on your life, freedom that leads to a better life.
[00:12:54] So that's [00:12:55] everything for today. Love you guys so much. Thank you for listening. We'll talk soon. Bye bye. [00:13:00] [00:13:05] [00:13:10] [00:13:15] [00:13:20] [00:13:25] [00:13:30] [00:13:35] [00:13:40] [00:13:45] [00:13:50] [00:13:55] [00:14:00] [00:14:05] [00:14:10] [00:14:15] [00:14:20] [00:14:25]
