Speaker 1 0:01
Welcome to the new man podcast, a show for brave men who experience freedom in their faith, sexuality and relationships. The goal to provide practical tools and timeless principles that help you become the man you were made. And now, your host, Sathiya Sam
Sathiya Sam 0:27
What's up everybody, Sathiya here, welcome to the new man podcast. And this is fun. This is really fun. Episode 12 I think this is. And I mean, you know, I got like my fancy intro music, I got my fancy outro music and I got this epic announcer voice on both ends of it. And I gotta tell you this is this is making it big time pretty quick here. But all jokes aside, thanks for tuning in really means a lot to me. And I was actually just talking to my wife yesterday about how good it feels to finally start a podcast because I love I love communicating I love especially like verbal communication, I think I do it very naturally. And it's been fun doing this, and thanks for being on the journey with him. And I am really excited about what I'm going to share today. But I'm also very nervous. And there's a really simple reason for that. I, I mean, basically, you know, what I've developed, I've developed this program called deep clean, I helped guys overcome pornography addiction. And it has taken like, we're talking decades of blood, sweat, and tears to reach this point. And to develop this methodology, which is honestly very unique. Like there's nobody else in the market who really does, what I do, the way I do it. There's lots of guys who do what, what we do here, but nobody doesn't quite like us. And that is in large part because I have designed my own methodology based on, you know, my science background, and as well as kind of my spiritual background, being a pastor for a few years. And, and then a lot of trial and error, you know, like trying things out on clients feeling like, okay, yeah, this should work. And then you try it on few clients, and you realize it's a total bust, it doesn't work. So you gotta go back to the drawing board. And, you know, you just spend all this time figuring out what actually helps people what works, what doesn't work, why. And, you know, eventually, I've landed with this great program that I stand by, I'm very proud of I labored over it, even just building the courses and stuff was, I think it took me about 18 months to build the course out. And I mean, early mornings, late nights, just a lot of time and effort put into, to this program. And when you put this kind of effort into something, you become very protective of it, it's just this kind of human thing, right? Because it's, it's valuable to you, you've you've invested in it. And you've you've put all this effort in and you've gone through the painful parts where things don't work and the frustration of trying to work through that and figure out why and come up with a better solution. And, you know, when you're highly invested, you just you protect it and you want to see it, well taken care of. And so for years, I have kind of resisted this idea of sharing your secrets, openly or publicly, because I'm like, No, I worked hard to build these secrets, quote, unquote, like, you know, some of my new or novel methodologies like I worked hard to develop these, I'm not just going to give my pearls to swine, so to speak, I'm not just going to give them away, like people should have to invest something before they get access to that. And all is to say, this is what has brought me to today dies, where I am going to teach you my novel journaling methodology. And it has taken me a long time to get here for all the reasons I just mentioned. But with journaling, specifically, I can truly and confidently say that there's nothing I teach in my program that is more useful than journaling. And I mean, that was all my heart, it's not some marketing ploy. And I can think of maybe two other things that are that are close and would give it a run for its money. But I truly believe in my heart of hearts that if I can teach my clients how to journal my way, and to do it consistently for an extended period of time, like for the duration of the course or that kind of thing. The results will be astronomical and and I've witnessed this in my clientele. This isn't just some theory. And and I've had lots of clients who have kind of resisted journaling initially because they don't like writing or they think it's kind of like a diary or something like that. And then they wind up, you know, coming around later on and then realizing like I don't know why I waited so long like what What was I doing with my life, it's been so impactful, it's been so useful for them. And journaling is not just like a good practice, because, as you as you know, like the scope of this podcast and the scope of my work is really helping men hurtle addictions, or really destructive patterns in their lives, that are holding them back from having healthy relationships, having a successful career. And just a good overall set positive sense of self. And, and journaling is, is the number one tool that any person on the planet can do that will help them grow in these areas, and hurdle, any of those obstacles that they're encountering along the way. So that's what we're going through today. And I'm really excited. And I'm, I'm a little bit nervous. But I'm, I'm mostly excited to share this with you. So I'm going to take a deep breath here. And then we will get right underway. So let me just start by saying journaling. The most important part about journaling that you must understand is journaling is not actually about writing. And it's not about the kind of more listening silent components, which we're going to teach, obviously, but there's really only one reason that you should journal. And it is to cultivate self awareness. Journaling is done to cultivate self awareness. So that's it, there's, there's no complexities about it. There's no hidden ulterior ambitions here. Our sole purpose of journaling is to cultivate self awareness. So just imagine that as you go, throughout the course of your day, you have thoughts, feelings, perceptions, beliefs, emotions, moods, you have all kinds of things going on. But they're intangible, they're invisible, they cannot be seen, they just, they exist in this sort of internal unnamed realm. And it's much easier to identify, you know, facial expressions, or intonation in somebody's voice to the things that actually speak to our senses. Those are things that we can really sort of grasp grasp quite quickly. But then, you know, the things that are going on inside are a lot harder to sort of pinpoint and identify. And what I find in most men I work with, is that they are very unaware of their internal realities, they have a good understanding of the things that they did in a situation I got into a fight with my wife, or the things that I did. Or if they can express an emotion, it's anger, oh, that really upset me. She did, you know, blah, blah, blah, and it really pissed me off. No problems going there. But that is the extent of it. And this is a huge problem, because the internal realities give rise to external realities. So if you cannot master what's going on inside, then you have no hope of mitigating what's going on outside. So if you're struggling with pornography, or you're starting with some sort of other behavioral pattern that is really destructive. You cannot change it by simply altering your environment or anything else, you will have to make impact an impact rather on the internal part of your life. And that includes the thoughts, feelings, perceptions, and beliefs that are at play. So the question then is, how do you address them? How do you tackle them? What is the best way to really deal with them head on. And this is where self awareness comes into play. You need self awareness is the thing that makes you aware of the things that are actually going on the things that have kind of been there all along, but you never really paid attention to it. I used to think that self awareness was kind of pulling out things that our unconscious into the conscious realm, but that's actually wrong. That's not really what it is. Self awareness is actually engaging with kind of this awareness you always have, but maybe have not really given much credence. So I know that's a little bit kind of vague, but you'll see kind of what this means when we journal but just imagine this, imagine the guy who has a problem with anger. Okay, so like, he just has a short fuse. And when his fuse goes off, he gets verbally abusive. Now, this is this is very, very common in adult men. So, so you have this guy, and he's got the anger problem. He gets verbally abusive, you know, with colleagues and co workers. It doesn't maybe happen that much, but at home, he has no problem letting it rip on his wife or his kids or whatever it may be. So eventually, he realizes, okay, I'm, I'm in trouble here, and I really need some help. And so he goes online. He watches a couple of YouTube videos, he listens to a few podcasts. And he goes, Okay, I'm I'm obsessed. Irving that people who have anger problems, one of the things that they said is important is that you have a way to get your anger out. So he goes, and he goes to the island, let's say he goes to a shooting range. And the shooting range is a place where you can focus, obviously, there's a little bit of a kind of cathartic component to it, and he's able to get his anger out. So is this gentleman self aware?
Has he has he built the necessary self awareness to manage his anger? Well, the answer is no, he has not. He has, he has built up enough of an understanding, hopefully to identify when he is angry, and he has found a way to release the anger. Now all of this exists in the external realm. These are all behavioral, they're environment related, they are things that, yes, are going to help. And I am not against one single bit. But in the arena of self awareness, there's not really much development. In this case, self awareness would look like finding out why he has a short fuse. Where did it come from? Understanding what are the specifics that actually causes us to go off in the first place, is identifying some of the beliefs that might be around this feeling of anger that seems to surface on a regular basis. So self awareness is when you really dig in and, and kind of explore around the thoughts, the feelings, the thinking patterns, the mindsets, the beliefs, the perceptions, all the different things that are going on, that eventually lead you to the anger to going to a gun range to kind of release and get the anger out. That's on the other side, that's after the anger has taken place. But we want to try to get ahead of it, we want to try to figure out what are some of the contributing factors here that lead me to that place of anger. Because if you can identify those, you can actually start to nip things in the bud. So that it's not just like every time I'm angry, I need to go to the gun range. It's that every time I'm in an environment of high stress or short deadlines, or people use the certain buzzwords that kind of triggered me or it's, it's identifying the different things that are going on that cause an internal reaction is when I'm here, this is what will lead me to anger. And when you become aware of those things, you're able to find solutions that tackle them head on. And therefore reduce the number of experiences you have with anger and a short fuse blowing, and that kind of thing. So that is why journaling is so powerful and so effective, because it cultivates self awareness. And, like anything else, self awareness is just a muscle, it's just, it's a muscle, it's a skill that most of us don't, we don't learn these things, naturally, we have to be sort of taught and educated on the process. But when you cultivate self awareness, as you continue to do it, as you continue to engage in activities and practices that help you foster this awareness of your internal life, it the muscle gets stronger, and the skill gets sharper, and you get better at pinpointing things and, and being aware and preventing yourself from falling into temptations or, or or leading to a massive mistake. And it really becomes a saving grace. And for me the most effective. The most effective workout machine that I know for for your self awareness is journaling. Journaling is really the, it's the equipment that allows you to sort of pump that iron and build those self awareness muscles. So we're gonna go right into it. I'm gonna teach you my journaling methodology. It's very simple. There's nothing complicated or complex. Because as we all know, the best things in life are always simple and easy to explain. I feel like if you have a really revolutionary methodology, and you can't explain it in five minutes or less, then it's not it's not actually that revolutionary, it's got to be refined. So we've worked really hard to whittle this thing down, I could actually teach you journaling, and probably 60 seconds if I had to, but I'm gonna take a little bit more time and try to flush this thing now. But this is, this is something you can do today. So if you struggle with pornography, if you're struggling with things at home, if you you know, reaching some some mental blocks or roadblocks at work in your career, you can't really seem to advance or with your kids, the relationship is sort of stagnant. In your walk with God, you feel like you've hit a block. Journaling is going to be a solution to all of those. I'm not saying it's the solution. I'm not saying it fixes everything, but this is one of the best preventative measures you can take in your life. And the last thing I'll just say before we get into the nuts and bolts here Is journaling is not something, it's not a one and done. It's not something that you can just do one day and you know, all of your problems are solved, it has to be a practice, it's got to be consistently done. And I the way I teach journaling, you can do it in as little as five minutes, I would say five minutes is a bit short. But if you can dedicate 10 minutes of this every day, for three months, you will notice a remarkable, remarkable shift in your self awareness, your overall decision making and just your overall health every I'm telling you journaling, man, it's like journaling just covers a multitude of deficiencies. So I really, really stand by I'm very passionate, as you can see. So without further ado, let's get into the nuts and bolts of journaling. The Deepthi methodology for journaling is two parts. Part one is expression. So this is you know, you open your journal to a blank page, and you begin writing, what do you write, you write everything in anything that comes to mind. But the goal here is to pay attention to the things that you are thinking, feeling, perceiving and believing. So, it might be that that incident that happened at work today that you're still kind of rolling around in your head. And so you're just writing it out, you know, it was weird that they said this, it was strange that they treated me that way, that was really upsetting that so and so maybe there's some stuff going on at home, this is a chance for you to sort of write it out to process it to, to kind of vent about it, if you if you're really feeling emotionally charged about it, you know, whatever it is, expression is all about just starting to pay attention to that swirl inside, and getting it out on paper. That's all it is. That's all expression is. Now our main two objectives, I've I've already kind of mentioned it, but I'll, I'll kind of whittle it down a little bit more. Our main two objectives are to label emotions, and define our thoughts. So we want to label the emotions, and we want to define our thoughts. And this can be about people, this could be about a situation, this could be about a place, this could be about anything, but whatever it is the subject matter, you want to identify or label the emotions and define the thoughts. Now, I'll actually put a link to this in the show notes. But one of the ways that we encourage people to label their emotions is called the feel wheel. And it's this great, great tool that just just helps you start with broad categories of emotion, like anger, sadness, grief, joy, you know, there's a couple of different ones, I think there's seven altogether. And then you can work your way out into deeper, more specific language. So instead of saying I'm angry, it's I was infuriated or I was agitated. And you know, just stay more more specific language. And really, the more, the more specific you are in labeling your emotions, the greater the self awareness. So the more specific you can label, the greater the self awareness. So it really is quite critical. And similarly for your thoughts, the better you're able to articulate your thoughts around a situation, the better your self awareness will be. Now, usually, when expression first starts, it is it's not polished, and it's not necessarily articulate. And that is fine. Because remember, this is a muscle we're exercising. So if you're at the gym, and you're doing a benchpress for the first time in your entire life, you'd probably start with the bar, which weighs 45 pounds, you're not going to put 200 pounds on there and see what you can do. Because you're just you don't have the strength built yet. And, and it just it's going to do more harm than good. So think of that the same way. When you start it might be, you know, not super polished, not crystal clear, that's fine. But that's literally it. That's part one. And 50% of your journaling time when you first start out should be should be this, it should be writing things out. Now, most people stop here, okay, so most people when they learn to journal, or they give journaling shot on their own, they stopped here though, like, Okay, this, this felt good, I wrote some things out, I was able to get some clarity on a few things, it felt really good to just sort of process and get that thing out of my brain and onto paper. And, and granted, those are all legitimate, like they are all useful aspects of journaling. But that is literally only 50% of what is actually useful for you. And that takes us to part two, and part two of journaling is reflection. So part one is expressing Part Two is reflection. And the goal of reflection is for you to put your pen down. Okay, you you had your chance to talk you had your chance to get your stuff out. Put your pen down and listen
And this is a chance for you to create space for your own brain and heart to process what you have journaled. But also for, for you to get a chance to listen to the sweet, still small voice of God. And in these moments where you create some space, these are some of the most sacred moments that you can have with God. Because what you are essentially doing is you are pouring out the deep, meaningful parts of your internal life, you're putting them onto paper. And in taking this minute to reflect, you're inviting God to kind of look over your shoulder, see what you've done, and then give you a response. And that idea might be scary for some of you might, you might think, I'm not writing like my honest thoughts, and then inviting God in. But just so you know, he knows all of it already. He knew it before you even thought it and he certainly knew it before you wrote it on paper. And he certainly knows it after you have written it on paper. But the beauty of inviting God into this is that God, God does not come to condemn, to critique to, you know, do anything that that would kind of correct or sort of evaluate what we've written. Remember that in in the book of John, it talks about how the Holy Spirit was sent to us as a counselor, one who is who is meant to provide guidance and comfort. And what you will find is that after you have expressed, and you put the pen down, and you give yourself a space to reflect, that still small voice of God will speak comfort, and encouragement. And occasionally, maybe some correction, like that is that is very much part of the mix as well. But the point here is that his main objective, is to help you connect the dots to help you gain perspective, I can remember, I mean, honestly, hundreds of situations in my own life, where my wife and I got into a fight or disagreement, or, you know, something happened, something took place, and I'm writing about this incident. And I'm mostly just able to really engage with my own frustrations, and all the judgments I have against the other person and you know, whatever it might be, and I'm writing it out, I'm writing out writing it out, I put the pen down, and I give God a chance to just speak back to me. And when he reflects, it's like, hey, remember that remember, the time this person did that? Yeah, this person is actually for you. They're actually on your side, they have your best interests in mind. And when you when you wrote there that you know that this person is only serving themselves or this person's like, doesn't care about you. i That's that's not quite right. You know, like God, God will come in and then give those kinds of course, corrections and those perception adjustments to help me, you know, he doesn't do it as some sort of, like some, like he has some obligation to correct me, it's just simply that he knows that that's the best thing for me too, is to see this thing clearly for what it really is. And to have a valuable outcome as a result. And so this reflection part becomes really valuable. And it is sort of like taking this refining process and in this exercising, and just putting it on steroids, because God is going to give you these insights that you could not have come up with on your own, he's going to help you see things a certain way, he's going to help you develop just this incredible, incredible sense of self, and really intellect into your internal life. And that is that is unbelievably vital, it's vital, really for your success. And for your health, if you want to be really healthy in your relationships. And if you want to get over pornography, and have a healthy sexual life, these are things that you have to be able to do. And the reflection part is really, really key. Now, it's possible that you don't hear this still small, small voice of God. But maybe just maybe as you put your pen down and you give yourself a little bit of space to breathe, and reflect that you actually start to connect some dots yourself. And this happens to me as well. Sometimes it's like, oh, my gosh, I never thought of it that way. I never I didn't even know this was possible. And actually, some of the some of the deeply methodologies that I developed over the years was actually came in journaling sessions, because I would I would journal like, why isn't this thing working? I'm so frustrated by this or why why did this thing evoke this kind of response in my clients, and then in the reflection times, either the still small voice of God, or just my own brain would suddenly see things and realize, oh, that's why you know, or, or I would need a new idea. And in those reflection moments, I would start to get some innovative and creative ideas and inspiration. So I'm telling you guys journaling is where it's at. It's very simple expression, and reflection. If you can do these two parts, like I said, for 10 for five minutes each per day, so 10 minutes altogether, five minutes of expressing five minutes of reflecting If you do that for 10 minutes every day for three months, I'm telling you, you will not be the same person when all of a sudden done. And it's not, it's not because you make these direct connections, but it's that you are, you're just building that muscle of self awareness that you will then be able to engage with, when the different moments come when maybe you're in the heat of a moment, maybe you feel tempted to look at porn, whatever it might be, self awareness becomes really helpful the same way that you know, when you go to the gym, like you can go to the gym for vain purposes, just to look good. But if you go to the gym to get stronger, well, you know, when you when you pump that iron, it's okay, it's gonna help you build muscles, it's going to increase your strength, but 99% of the time, you're just walking around going about your business. And that extra strength that you develop isn't necessarily serving you. But then you know, if you play sports with your buddies, or, you know, maybe you want to get stronger, so you can play with your kids and lift your kids up over your head, or, you know, I don't know what it might be. But in those moments, that's where the strength training comes into play. And self awareness is the same thing. It's not like every single moment of your day, you need self awareness. But it's that there are there specific moments throughout the day where self awareness kicks in. And when you've cultivated when you build that muscle, and you've gone through the process of journaling regularly, it's available for you. And it allows you to make better decisions, to have more clarity and more insight into a situation and to basically stay in control of your life. And that's really what all of this is about. So, hey, if you have any questions about this, I would happily take some emails, you can, you can write me at admin at Scythia sam.com. I'll put that in the show notes as well. I don't usually give out the email here. But I'm happy for you to do that. And you can actually go to my website as well, Sathiya sam.com, there is a Contact Us section at the very bottom of the page. And you can you can write us there as well. But I'd love to hear from you. And if you're gonna give it a shot, I'd love to hear how it goes as well. And the last thing I'll just say is don't spend a lot of money on a journal. So if you if you don't have a journal, and you just want to get started, don't kid yourself like buying a nice journal doesn't make you any more invested in it yet. Once you're into the habit of it, you know if you've done this for three months, straight six months, yeah, then then let's talk about investing in a nicer journal. But let's see, let's see if you're gonna hold this, hold this up first. That's the thing you want to do. And don't think that if you buy a nice journal, then you'll you'll do it more. It doesn't work that way. Trust me. I've seen many clients make that mistake. So anyway, thanks, guys for listening a bit of a longer one here today. But this is honestly this is my secret sauce here. And it gives me great delight to share it with you. And I'd actually feels pretty good. Like I said, I was a little bit nervous, but I'm glad I'm really glad I've shared it. And I hope this really helps you become a healthy, successful and fruitful man have an awesome day. And the guys about to say it, but I'm just gonna say it myself. It really helps me if you rate and review this podcast. If you found this beneficial, share it with your friends. That would mean the world to me. It really helps me get the word out, and it helps me help more incredible and brave men like you have an awesome day.
Speaker 1 28:11
Thanks for listening to the new man podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, and you'd like to help support the podcast, you can share it with others post about it on social media, or leave a rating and review. To catch all the latest please sign up for the weekly [email protected] Or follow on Instagram at Sathiya Sam. Thanks again and see you next time.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
