So here's the million dollar question. How are men like us who work hard, have good motives and a God given purpose, supposed to fulfill the calling on our lives and the dreams in our hearts, all while establishing sexual integrity, thriving relationships and a meaningful connection with God? That is the question. And this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Sathiya Sam, welcome to unleash the man with them
what's going on everybody, it's Sathiya Sam here, welcome to unleash the man within. Thank you guys so much for listening. And man, oh, man, this is gonna be really, really good. excited to dive into today's content, but I actually have a bunch of very quick things to just sort of, I don't know, recap touch base on. For starters, there was an episode I think about two weeks ago, that started with an ad. And I got a bunch of messages. someone on my team caught it. Somebody who follows me on Instagram, he caught it as well. And he was like, Hey, man, this is kind of weird. And so if you experienced that, I just want to sincerely apologize, because I've really been emphasizing for the last six months, hey, we don't run ads. We don't have sponsors. And the only way that this thing grows is if you guys share it, and then there was an ad and I still actually don't know why that happened. I don't think it's happened again since but if it does, please let me know. That is I am not like doing a bait and switch here. I legitimately do not run ads. And I have no idea why that happened. And it looks like it only happened for Apple users because I use overcast for my podcasting, or the podcasts I listened to rather. And there was no ad there. So I just wanted to apologize, guys. No inconsistency on my part. I still don't actually know why that happened. So apologies as a starting point. Second thing I want to recap is, this is my first time recording since I traveled I went to Austin, Texas for about five days, and then had some time away with my in laws at a resort here in Jamaica. And, man, the time in Austin was just unbelievable. And maybe I'll do an episode about it later. But, you know, the thing I wanted to highlight is, we ran a deep clean event. And you know, I've been doing these events periodically for the last 18 months, like nothing long by any stretch of the imagination. And basically what happens, you know, we just observed that we have a good following from Texas and a bunch of clients from Texas. And that's where my mastermind, was having these events and retreats. And so I thought, well, let's just try running an event in Texas and see what happens. And, you know, the first event that I ran, only one person showed up, and he wound up becoming a coach on my team later on. I think I had five spots for that one. But this last one that just ran, I guess it'll be two weeks ago, when this episode releases, we set aside eight spots, we wound up actually having 12 guys there altogether, including myself or maybe 11. Guys, I forget the count now. But it was just unbelievable. I mean the energy, just to be in person. And you know, it's so funny, because I remember when I first started running these events, and you know, even even just to see like two people, or I think we had five people at our second event. And I remember telling my wife, wow, I can't believe five people actually like would want to meet me or want to, you know, come to something that that I would run, you know, it was really obvious that this event here were 12 people, these guys were not here for me, these guys were here to meet each other, you know, because they've been bonding and connecting and doing life together and furthering their recovery online, right purely in a digital environment. And so they're all just super excited to meet each other. And they're laughing and crying and hugging and exchanging phone numbers and making plans to hang out again. And it was it was really special. One of the highlights of my year so far, if not the highlight of my year. And so that was a lot of fun. So I just want to mention that. And and just to let you know that you know, if you participate in deep clean. These are the kinds of things you can expect, you know, being part of a an engaged community that's going to cheer you on. Support you love you. And hey, maybe one day they'll even get to shake your hand in person. I think that's pretty cool. Anyway, a little bit of a long prequel guys, thanks for sticking with me. What I wanted to talk about today is do your feelings really matter? Or actually I phrased this specifically, how does how you feel really matter? Here's where I'm going with this. Okay, so for, I don't know, millennia, men have kind of ignored the inner life. And more recently, I would say in the last 20 years or so, really, you're getting these very strong messages about the importance of your emotions and how you feel and feelings are not just a female thing, but men have emotions too, and our suppression of emotions, our inability to really articulate emotions, and certainly our lack of opportunity to safely express our emotions has really hindered our development both on a candidate Under level as men, but also on a relational level with, you know, the people we love, whether they're friends, family, or spouses. And so there's, there's been this coming of age, and I certainly feel like I'm in the midst of that wave. I know, for me, being able to get in touch with my emotions was one of the best thing that ever happened to me, it saved my life, it is the reason I got free of pornography. And without that permission, I can tell you, my life would look very different. And there's no chance in heck, that this podcast would exist. I always laugh when I say no chance. And heck, it just sounds so lame and powerful at the same time. So anyway, at all is to say is like diving into the inner life, this is something we have to do, you know, we have to do it to really become the people God's made us to be. There is a duality to this concept. And the with a duality always comes a danger of extremes in either direction. So the one danger we've already experienced, which was the suppression of emotions, the ignoring of emotions, and essentially the stands that men do not feel. And men, men, men should just ignore what they feel the other double edge, the second edge rather, of the sword. And the other dangerous extreme is that we become too swept away in our feelings. And we end up letting feelings run the show. And I, I spoke at a virtual event earlier in January, and I talked about how your emotions should always be in the passenger seat, not the driver seat, in the passenger seat, they inform they they give us direction, they give us input, they give us Intel, but when they're in the driver's seat, suddenly life becomes very frail and very out of control. And it was just interesting, I've encountered probably in the last couple of weeks conflict with people who do not want to do something because they don't feel like it. And I thought, Wow, what an interesting conundrum. Because here we are sending this message about, like, what you feel matters, and you should pay attention to it. And your feelings deserve to be validated. And then you have somebody who says, Well, I don't feel like doing XYZ, I don't feel like that's true. I don't feel like you know, etc, etc. And it got me questioning like, are we creating some monsters here by telling people like, you know, that you're the way you feel matters most and whatever, whatever. And, and so I've just been kind of thinking about it lately. And I wanted to offer a little bit of commentary. I don't know that this answer is complete, you know, maybe there'll be a part two, a couple months down the road when I've touched on this a bit more. But here's what I want to start by saying how you feel will always matter period. There's no rescinding that there's no going back. There's no oh, we we kind of messed that up. Turns out the research shows, you know XYZ, that that is like you can you can be rest assured that is true. But what we really need to do is articulate what is a feeling, right? So it's one thing to say I feel tired. It's another thing to say I don't feel like doing that. Those are two different things. They're there, they can both sort of be disguised as feelings, but only one of them is actually a feeling and that is I feel tired. There's nothing wrong with feeling tired. And if you feel tired, that deserves to be validated. Okay, that's that's kind of where this whole concept of acknowledging, identifying accepting emotions comes into play. Yes, you feel tired. When you say I don't feel like doing something or I? Yeah, I don't feel like doing that. That's not a feeling. Right? That's a perception that is the result of what you're feeling. But it's not actually a feeling. So does it need to be validated? No, I don't think so. Right? Like if you say I feel tired, that deserves to be validated. If you say I don't feel like doing that. My responsibility, you know, and depending on the relationship of the with the person that I'm talking to my responsibility is to actually find a way to help them realize the actual emotion that drove that thought, or that statement. So what do you mean by that? What do you mean, you don't feel like doing anything? Well, I'm just really tired. Oh, so you feel tired? Okay, got it? Well, hey, I can appreciate that you feel tired? Because, you know, given what you've been up to, I can see why you're tired. But do you think that should stop you from doing this thing that actually seems to be pretty important? So I wanted to just draw a distinction, a distinction, a distinction between what you're actually feeling and then the ripples of that feeling? You know, my wife and I, in the heat of moments we have we say things sometimes like, it feels like you're done an audit on it. And their accusations, right? It's like it feels like or I feel like all you care about is you know x, y, z. And it's like, well,
those are not feelings, those are accusations. Those are, those are statements. Those are criticisms. Those are perceptions. They're their beliefs, but they are certainly not feelings. And so I want to just encourage you guys be very careful. Because I again, I'm, this is kind of like me, covering my tracks a little bit here. Because I know I'm talking a lot about the importance of your emotions, managing your emotions, labeling your emotions, identifying them, working through the validating them, expressing them, I stand by all of it, but I just want to say, be careful that you don't slide off that kind of slippery slope and start saying, I feel this, I feel that when in reality, you're not labeling emotions, you're actually masking perceptions, criticisms, accusations, thoughts and beliefs. As you know, feeling statements I feel XYZ. So that's how you feel really matter. Absolutely. Just make sure that you're actually talking about a feeling and not something else. So that's everything for today, guys, much love to you. Thank you so much for listening. Have an amazing day. We'll talk soon. Bye, bye. Hey, everybody, it's the Thea again, thanks for listening to unleash the man with him. I wanted to take a quick moment to let you know about a free ebook that I wrote for you called The Ultimate Guide to porn recovery. It provides a basic framework for the recovery process, and a few of my top tips completely free of charge. You can get it now at www dot ultimate recovery guide.com. That's www ultimate recovery guide.com. Now, if you've been impacted by the podcast, and you want to show some support in less than 60 seconds, there are three ways you can do that. First, you can leave a rating or review on your podcast platform. This lets people like you know that the content here is valuable. Secondly, you can share this episode with someone in your life that might benefit from the content. If you're passionate about helping other people experience freedom and success in their lives. This is one of the easiest ways to do that. And lastly, you can subscribe. I personally only listen to the podcasts that I subscribe to. If you're seeking daily encouragement, guidance and insight in your recovery journey. I highly recommend subscribing to unleash the man within. Thanks for listening. I look forward to connecting with you very very soon.
The information opinions and recommendations presented in this podcast by Sathiya Sam and his guests are for general information only and should not be considered medical, clinical or any other form of professional advice. Any reliance on the information provided is done at your own risk.
