Speaker 1 (00:00:01) - So here's the million dollar question. How are men like us who work hard, have good motives and a God given purpose supposed to fulfill the calling on our lives and the dreams in our hearts, all while establishing sexual integrity, thriving relationships, and a meaningful connection with God? That is the question, and this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Sathiya Sam. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. Yo, yo. What's up, my man? It's Sam here. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. Thank you so much for listening. I'm so glad you're here. And honored that you would take a little time out of your day to listen to what we're up to here at Unleash the Man Within. Uh, today we're talking a little bit about kind of a philosophy of life and an age old question when, you know, this podcast, obviously we talk a lot about recovery, but, you know, really in general, in any area of your life, uh, another area where I'm really facing this concept right now is my fitness, where there are principles, but there's also an individual component.
Speaker 1 (00:01:06) - And how do you marry the two so that you are not off balance, but ultimately effective in your efforts? And so we're going to get into all of that, uh, before we do. You guys know I always like to promote a little something, something. And, um, there's nothing flashy today, but I am really active on Instagram. We officially have more than 100,000 followers now, which is crazy because a year ago, we were at like, I don't know, like under 10,000. Um, and so the the page has grown a lot. And I am just so grateful to all of you guys for your support. If you're already following me over there, and if you're not following me over there while link is in the show notes, I would love to see you over there. And you could join, uh, an army of men who are furthering their growth and their development and becoming more of the men God has made them to be. Now, uh, let's jump into today's content.
Speaker 1 (00:01:59) - We're talking about principles versus individualization. Um, in former seasons of my life, I when I look at how I've approached truthfully life in general, I have had a tendency to sway way over to one side or the other. In life, there are always going to be principles. You know, we know that, um, you know, financially the borrower borrower is slave to the lender. Uh, we know that compound interest is the ultimate way to accumulate wealth. Uh, we know that, you know, if you want to have a little bit of extra at the end of the month, you have to spend less than you make. Um, basics of finances right there. And and growing wealth. Those are principles. But what happens when somebody has medical bills and they're not able to, uh, spend less than they make because they're already doing it minimally, but now they have medical bills. So then is the, you know, the borrower slave to the lender, but is that okay in that situation to borrow? Right.
Speaker 1 (00:03:06) - Like this is where we kind of get more individualized. And there have been times in my life where it's like, no, this is the principle and it's rigid and it's hard and it's fast, and that is what it is. And I've had times where I'm like, ah, well, you know, if it works for you, you know, you do you or what's your truth or, you know, all that kind of bogus individualized language that we've, that we've used to a fault. There's, there's some value in, in the concept but it's been massively overextended. And so what I wanted to talk about today is how to tether these two dynamics to be effective in whatever it is you do in life. But I'm going to I'm going to use it in a recovery context, because that is probably where I can demonstrate this, this sort of, uh, merging of concepts the best. In recovery. We have a few fundamental principles, so we know that to be successful in recovery, you must build self-awareness.
Speaker 1 (00:04:03) - We know that you must go through a transformation of the heart process, and we know that it is important your identity shifts. You have to shed the old identity of addiction and failure and brokenness, and embrace the new identity in Christ, which is that you are a new creation, holy, blameless and above reproach, etc., etc. there are principles in recovery. We know that it is not about counting streaks, it's about tracking trends. Right? Um, we know that in recovery it is um, it is about long term versus short term. So there's all these different principles, there's all these different concepts. A mistake made twice as a choice. We only look at our past long enough to learn. There's lots of principles that undergird our efforts to have a successful and complete recovery. But what do you do when somebody's situation doesn't match up with the principle? One of our one of my my fundamental convictions. And I say our because our, our team is also of the same conviction. Is that your parental relationships and the dynamics you experienced at home growing up have massively shaped your sexuality.
Speaker 1 (00:05:21) - They may not be exclusively responsible for it, but they were major, major influences, often more than people realize. So part of our process that our second pillar is, you know, transformation of the heart. And when we're unearthing heart issues and, you know, exploring trauma, it's always interesting what what comes up. But some people can't access those things. And some people didn't have a terrible, terribly traumatic childhood. I was that person like, you know, one of my most traumatic memories as a child. Okay, pre 11, I had, you know, like I lost a bunch of friends to suicide in my teen years. So I did actually have legitimate trauma then. But honestly, the worst memory I had was I got 74 on a math test in grade four. Like, it's so embarrassing. But I remember crying because I had never seen a grade that started with anything lower than a nine at that point in my life. So I was I was just totally distraught. And, um, anyway, another story for another day.
Speaker 1 (00:06:21) - I think I've actually shared that story on the podcast at some point. But, um, the point here is when I, when I first went through this process and I was starting to look for, you know, evidence or, or demonstrations where my parents were maybe inept and insufficient and whatever, I didn't really come up with a lot. And so you have to deal with somebody differently in that situation. You can't you can't just go through your normal rhythms and practices and expect to get the result you normally get, because it's different for that person that's in that situation. So when it comes to principles and individuality, here's here's where I've landed and here's where I've seen the greatest effect in my own life. In the clients we work with principles first, individualization second. When those orders are reversed, problems ensue. So the idea is that the principals give us lanes on the highway. It's like it's like drawing. The the principals are somebody putting the lane markers on the highway so that you, you know, where the lanes are.
Speaker 1 (00:07:30) - But individualization is knowing which lane you're supposed to be in at any given time, and knowing when it's time to switch and when it's time to stay and whatever else. So we're not rigid. We're not stuck in that lane forever. It's just that the principles give us the lanes, they give us the the infrastructure, and then we kind of get to choose how we scale that infrastructure, how we move around. What a lot of people do. And this is especially true when, you know, you listen to a podcast and I'm reading a book and I kind of follow this guy on Instagram. And so I'm piecing some things together, but I'm not really following a system. What happens is people become much more individualized in their approach because the things that you attract and that you draw into, you know, your solution are specific or they're unique to your individuality, right? It's because of who you are that that you were drawn to those things in the first place. And but because they're piecemeal and there's no system, there may not be a coherent set of principles that are actually undergirding your approach.
Speaker 1 (00:08:31) - And so when you're individualized, what tends to happen is that's like somebody's driving down the highway with no lane markers, which is basically the same as driving in Jamaica. In case any of you, you know, ever drive in Jamaica. Um, it's it's like it's like, yeah, I'm on the highway and yeah, I'm going fast, but there's an instability and an uncertainty that comes because there's not enough clarity, there's not enough definition on on where the lanes are. And because there's that lack of definition. Um, it's, it's just not as safe. And I'm, I'm more likely to incur an injury or an accident or whatever it might be. And that could really, seriously interfere with my ability to, you know, get to point B or achieve my goal. So I want to encourage you guys in recovery in particular, we want to lead with principles. We want to make sure we have the lanes clearly marked and then we individualize after that. Because here's the thing. If if you are if you're an individual first and then you slap on some principles there, what happens is people don't ever stick with anything long enough to get a result.
Speaker 1 (00:09:42) - That's what happens when people are individualized first. And so we need principles. You know, this is true honestly in everything like faith, fitness, finance, like faith is complicated. The Bible is not black and white on all things. Now some things it is relatively clear. Um, and those are, those are like the, the, the they're not the broken lanes. Right. They're, they're the solid line lanes. Like there's no switching lanes on this stuff. But there's, there's a lot there's a lot of other areas like Jesus. Jesus instructed us to pray, lead us not into temptation in Matthew six. But then Hebrews four says, Jesus was tempted in every way. So there's an individualization that has to come into that for us to understand which of these concepts were to apply, because clearly we're not to eliminate temptation altogether. But Jesus said, lead us not into it. So we shouldn't be knowingly going into temptation or tempting situations either. And that's another story for another day. The point here, my friend, is.
Speaker 1 (00:10:43) - Principles first, individualization second. And if you're feeling like you've hit a wall or you should be more fruitful than you are or something that we talked about yesterday, one of the reasons might be because you have individualized first and principled second, and we need to reverse that order. And the easiest way to find a working set of principles to be successful in any area of life is to find somebody who has what you want in that area and figure out the principles that they lived by. Easiest, fastest way to do it. I've done it in multi multifaceted areas of my life and it's been incredibly impactful. I've grown a lot as a result and I know that you will too. So that is everything for today my friend. Thank you for listening again. You can follow me over on Instagram if you want. We'd love to see you over there. Sathiya me Sam is the handle. Link is in the show notes. In the meantime, God bless. Stay clean. Hey everybody, it's Sathiya. Again, thanks for listening.
Speaker 1 (00:11:40) - To unleash the man within. I wanted to take a quick moment to let you know about a free e-book that I wrote for you, called The Ultimate Guide to Porn Recovery. It provides a basic framework for the recovery process and a few of my top tips completely free of charge. You can get it now at Ultimate Recovery guide.com. That's ultimate recovery guide. Com. Now, if you've been impacted by the podcast and you want to show some support in less than 60s, there are three ways you can do that. First, you can leave a rating or review on your podcast platform. This lets people like you know that the content here is valuable. Secondly, you can share this episode with someone in your life that might benefit from the content. If you're passionate about helping other people experience freedom and success in their lives, this is one of the easiest ways to do that. And lastly, you can subscribe. I personally only listen to the podcast that I subscribe to. If you're seeking daily encouragement, guidance and insight in your recovery journey, I highly recommend subscribing to Unleash the Man Within.
Speaker 1 (00:12:45) - Thanks for listening. I look forward to connecting with you very, very soon.
Speaker 2 (00:12:49) - The information, opinions and recommendations presented in this podcast by Sathiya Sam and his guests are for general information only and should not be considered medical, clinical or any other form of professional advice. Any reliance on the information provided is done at your own risk.