Speaker 1 (00:00:00) - So here's the million dollar question. How are men like us who work hard, have good motives and a God given purpose supposed to fulfill the calling on our lives and the dreams in our hearts, all while establishing sexual integrity, thriving relationships, and a meaningful connection with God. That is the question and this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Sathya Sam. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. What is up, my man? It's Sathiya Sam here. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you're having an amazing day. And I promise you, this is going to get a little bit more better, a little more better. This is going to get a little bit better as we talk about, uh, why most recoveries fail. You know, it's that time of the year and, um, yeah. Anyways, um, let me let me just pause that thought. I'm going to pick it up in a moment. But I do want to make sure that if you are planning to quit porn this year and you don't have a copy of The Last relapse.
Speaker 1 (00:01:02) - Okay, this is my book. Uh, that basically details my recovery strategy. Like, if you've ever wondered, I wonder what Sathiya does with his clients. I wonder what his program is all about. I wonder what they focus on. Literally everything that's in there. We we smashed into the last relapse, okay? And we we, I mean, paid a lot of money to get it edited down properly and make sure it's nice and clear and concise. It's science based, it's Bible backed. It comes with practical things. It even comes with a free workbook. And you can get the book itself for free at the last relapse book. Com and if you're more of a physical copy guy, that's no problem. You can buy it anywhere that books are sold and the proceeds go to funding the spread of the gospel in Muslim villages in Uganda. And so if that's something you're on board with and, hey, you can buy physical copy, we'll make sure that money gets to the right place. Either way you win.
Speaker 1 (00:01:53) - Everybody else wins when you get a copy. So go to the last relapse book. Com. Get your copy today. All right. Let me resume my thoughts about why most recoveries fail. So you know it's that time of the year, right. Like January you know, quit porn month. It's recovery month. And a lot of a lot of you listening to this are probably are were really motivated. But I know that at least some of you at this point are feeling a bit deflated. You're like, you know, Sathiya, I did what you told me to do. Or maybe, maybe you didn't, but maybe you did something else. You know, you you did someone else's program or you went for more of the internet filter accountability partner approach. You tried to quit cold turkey or white knuckle it. Um, and you're finding yourself stuck. And you relapsed and the momentum is lost. Or maybe you can feel the momentum declining and you are trying to figure out like, what am I doing wrong? And how do I get this thing back on track? Well, let's talk about that.
Speaker 1 (00:02:49) - Let's talk about the biggest reason that most recoveries fail and that is the reality. Like, I wish that statement wasn't true. I wish it was not true that most recoveries fail. But, you know, even if I look at my own life, I mean, how many attempts that recovery. Like 50 of them, right? And finally, it was the last one that worked. But, you know, the last one was kind of a culmination of all the others. So it's again, it's hard to sort of hard to draw distinct lines on that. But you guys get the idea. You know, a lot of recovery attempts are unsuccessful. And so, um, I want to talk actually about three things. And I'm going to lead with the biggest thing. And this is the biggest reason that most recoveries fail. Actually. You know what? I'll save that for the end. Let me let me actually go in reverse order here. So the first reason that recoveries don't don't work is because somebody tries to do it alone.
Speaker 1 (00:03:40) - So when you when you do it alone. Um, for starters, the research is very clear that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it's connection. So when you do it alone, you rob yourself of what the research would suggest is the most pivotal, paramount component of a successful recovery, and that is building human connection with other people in a meaningful way. So when somebody comes to me and they say, you know, Sathiya, I, I just I don't know what I'm doing wrong. And then I ask them, well, who else is involved in your recovery? Like, ah, well, you know, I read a couple of books, listen to a couple of podcasts. It's like, bro, that's it. Like, did you, did you do it with someone or did you, you know, is there an expert or a coach guiding you or a therapist? No, no, I was just trying to kind of do it on my own. It's like, oh, okay.
Speaker 1 (00:04:29) - Well, I think we kind of know where we need to start. So that's number one. Okay. Number one is people do it alone and they shoot themselves in the foot. Number two okay, second. So I'm going to go in reverse order. So that's a that's a big one for sure. Um number two is they do too much at once. They do too much at once. I have a couple friends who are notorious for this. You know, the new year comes around and, you know, you ask them, like, so, you know, what are you up to? Got any big plans for this new year and for the new year? And it's like, oh, yeah, you know, we're, uh, we're finally going to budget and we're going to go to the gym three times a week. And, you know, we're going to we're going to read the Bible in the morning every day and at night before we go to bed. Um, and I'm going to get, you know, I'm going to spend one day of quality time, 15 minutes of quality time with my kid every single day, or, you know, one day a week, you know, is like date day for just me and my wife.
Speaker 1 (00:05:22) - And they have, you know, 80 new initiatives, right? Like, those are all new things. Those aren't things that they're continuing or building on. It's like, no, we're just, you know, this is the year that we finally budget. This is the year that we finally hit the gym three times a week. And the problem is that by the time they reach January 30th, it becomes very clear that they took on way too much. I'm I'm much more interested in incremental progress than instantaneous results because longevity is the goal, right? That that is our interest. We're not trying to just temporarily curve or modify some behavior. We are interested in a transformational process that actually leads to systemic change. And if you try to do too much at once, that will be impossible. So be selective. Keep it simple. And and and pick. Look, if there's five things and you're like, oh, but all of these things would help to bad find the one thing or the two things that are going to have the greatest impact.
Speaker 1 (00:06:21) - Eliminate the others. I mean, I'm telling you this, this right here, this is like world changing advice, like whether we're talking about your career, your personal finances, your fitness, your recovery from porn addiction, you having a better marriage, you growing in your spiritual life with God. This principle is literally a game changer. And and most guys I know don't understand how to live by it, especially in our overstimulating, ever distracted and diverted society. So so again. Second, the the the third reason bottom of the list is that people do it alone. The second is that they do too much at once. And the biggest reason that most recoveries fail is that people do not have a reliable system. We have had a lot of clients came to us in 2023 and they said, you know what, Sathya? I have been trying to piece some things together. I read this book here, listen to that podcast there. You know, I tried to do like a little cheap little online course and they're, they're piecemeal things together.
Speaker 1 (00:07:26) - Um, but when you get a system, especially a system that's got a track record and that's, you know, governed by somebody that you trust, that's a leading indicator of client outcomes is, you know, you have to trust the person who's leading you. When when you can actually get a system in place, mountains begin to move. Because here's the thing about a system the system is already established. You don't have to think about how you're going to piece things together. You just have to wait until and to find out what's the next thing to do. What's the next thing? That's all you care about is just one thing onto the next, onto the next. And if the system is put together appropriately, it's going to make logical sense. It's going to give you experiences throughout the journey. And without even really having to think about it, you're going to be guided to your desired outcome. And I wish, I wish that more people understood the value of of having a system. We've also had a lot of people come to us who are like, you know, I started seeing a therapist, but then they were just kind of all over the place and they asked me what I wanted to talk about, but they didn't really know how to just tell me, like, hey, here's something that you need to work on, or here's the next thing to work on to further your recovery journey.
Speaker 1 (00:08:39) - Very, very common experience. So the biggest reason that most recoveries fail is the lack of a system. There's no systematic approach. And especially when you're dealing with guys not not to say that women are by any means an exception to this, but men in particular, they need something that is systematic, something that follows a process. There's there's not put into each step, and each one leads to the next. And all of it contributes to achieving the desired outcome. And that is the number one reason. It's the absence of that in people's recoveries that often is the reason that they fail. And that come the end of January, beginning of February, they feel completely defeated. The defeated. The defeated is when you're deflated and and defeated. That's that's what my brain just did right there. So look, if you've had if you've had a recovery fail, there's a pretty good chance that you tried to do it alone. You took on too much at once or you lacked a system. And what I want you to know is it's only January 30th.
Speaker 1 (00:09:34) - Okay. This episode is coming out January 30th. Maybe it's a different day when you're listening, but you still have 11 months left. And what I would ask of you is assess, you know, between these three, which one? Which is the biggest contributor to where I'm struggling currently. Right. And then what can I do to rectify it? So if it's like, okay, I took on too much at once, well that's easy. Like you took on too much at once. So then identify the 1 or 2 things that you're going to really focus on and get rid of the rest. Easy. Done. Okay, maybe your biggest mistake was that you did it alone. It's like, okay, well there's lots of solutions to that. You can find a therapist, right? You can find a coach, you can invite a friend in. You can talk to your pastor, a leader, a mentor. Um, lots of different, lots of different ways that you can get other people involved.
Speaker 1 (00:10:18) - And those things go a long way. And if you liked a system, well, go find a system. Um, obviously, you know, we have a system here. You're welcome to check us out. We actually are not at capacity. We've had some some extra openings. We've been able to shuffle a couple of things around to make a few things work out. And so if you want one of those openings, you can book a call with, uh, with my team, um, still January technically, at least when this episode comes out, we have the January discount of 20% off. And so if that's something you're interested in, it's a really good time to do that. There's lots of systems out there. Um, but like I said, with the system, the most important thing is that you trust the person who is leading you. If you don't trust the person who's leading you, then, you know, forget about it. Like it doesn't matter how great their system is, you're not going to actually do what they tell you to do, or you're not going to be fully committed to the process, even if you do the things they tell you to do.
Speaker 1 (00:11:03) - So that's everything for today, guys. Uh, make sure that you book a call if that's something you want to do. Make sure you get your copy of The Last Relapse. If you don't have a copy yet. The last relapse Bbc.com. In the meantime, much love to you all. Thank you so much for listening. We'll talk soon. Bye bye. Hey, everybody, it's Sathiya.
Speaker 2 (00:11:21) - Again, thanks for listening. To unleash the man within. I wanted to take a quick moment to let you know about a free e-book that I wrote for you, called The Ultimate Guide to Porn Recovery. It provides a basic framework for the recovery process and a few of my top tips completely free of charge. You can get it now at Wal-Mart Recovery guide.com. That's w w w Ultimate Recovery Guide. Com. Now, if you've been impacted by the podcast and you want to show some support in less than 60s, there are three ways you can do that. First, you can leave a rating or review on your podcast platform.
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Speaker 3 (00:12:31) - The information, opinions and recommendations presented in this podcast by Sathya Sam and his guests are for general information only and should not be considered medical, clinical or any other form of professional advice. Any reliance on the information provided is done at your own risk.