Speaker 1 (00:00:01) - So here's the million dollar question. How are men like us who work hard, have good motives and a God given purpose supposed to fulfill the calling on our lives and the dreams in our hearts, all while establishing sexual integrity, thriving relationships, and a meaningful connection with God? That is the question and this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Sathiya Sam. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. Hey, hey what's up everybody? It's Sathiya Sam here. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. Thank you guys so much for listening. I'm so glad you're here. So honored that you take some time out of your day to dive into some really, really important information. Today we're talking about sharing your story. Very, very important subject. And yeah, we're going to cover the whole gamut, you know, whether you've never shared before, whether you're currently sharing, whether you intend to share. We're going to talk about sharing publicly versus privately. And we'll try to we'll try to cover as much as we possibly can.
Speaker 1 (00:01:05) - Before I do that, if you are not with me on Instagram, I'm very active over there these days. I'd love to see you over there as well. And look, I know, I know what the algorithms do to men like us who are on these platforms. I know the kind of content that you probably get bombarded with, and I know that you probably could use some more valuable content like mine helping you quit pornography, helping you make good choices. So look, if you're not going to quit social media, which is fine, then at least make sure your feed is populated with valuable content that's going to actually make your life better and not cause you to stumble. Link is in the show note. Show notes. The handle is Sathya me, Sam, I will see you over there. In the meantime, let's jump into today's content. Okay? We're talking about sharing your story. And how much is too much. So this is a really interesting conversation. If you're wondering about when to share your story, you can do a little bit of a search through our backlog.
Speaker 1 (00:02:04) - There's tons of episodes, and somewhere along the way you'll find you'll find content that covers that. We've talked about that at length, but what I wanted to talk today is sort of an age old conversation about sort of just the level of detail, right? Because we we kind of know, especially if you've listened to us for a while, you know, that you do need to open up. Now, I don't mean that you need to broadcast your struggles to your church or social media or what have you. I would say that people like myself and Sean Bonito and Drew Boa and, you know, all the different kind of porn recovery experts that we've had on here that have a bit of a platform. Well, these people have felt called God has called them and they are we are in the 0.1% of people who are going to build a platform around this story. But for all of you listening, probably a majority of you, this is this is really about you sharing in a way that is, number one, impactful to others and number two, impactful to self.
Speaker 1 (00:03:12) - And it could be in either order. The first time I ever shared about my struggle with anybody was with a friend of mine. We were in a band together, and I felt like the Holy Spirit told me it was time to open up, and I didn't have anybody else I could really trust, the same way that I could trust him. So that was it. And we were off to the races and that was more about sharing my struggle. And it was interesting because that began a five year process of recovery. And in maybe year two of that story, I was experiencing a lot more freedom, and I felt comfortable sharing it a bit more publicly. And so I was leading worship at a camp, and I got asked to share for an evening. And when I shared that evening, I shared about my struggle and I, I really felt like I was it was the right thing to do. And the youth didn't all get up and applaud me and say, way to go. And they didn't all come forward and weep on their knees and say, me too, Sathya, you know I'm struggling and I need help over here.
Speaker 1 (00:04:12) - But they all respected me. They took it in. They they felt it. And then what I found out later is in the small groups in their cabins and whatnot. There were some of the most powerful conversations that some of those counselors had ever witnessed before. So all this to say is I've done it publicly, I've done it privately, and and what I will do today in the time we have left is just answer how much is too much? Based on different criteria. I will say this the more public you are, the less detail you are to share. All right, so we have seen people in public environments share about their struggles and go into details that is just, oh like cringey. So embarrassing because their their in their eyes it's I'm being vulnerable. I want to be transparent. I don't want to have any shame around this stuff. And so their heart is in the right place. But the more public you are, the less detail you share. Why? Because you have to. You have to remember that when you share in detail about your own story, okay? Whether you're still struggling or you're you're recovering when you share about what's going on.
Speaker 1 (00:05:29) - Number one is the nature of what we're discussing is incredibly graphic. It could be triggering for other people. It could taint people's innocence. There's there's a lot of ways that it could affect others that could be quite damaging. Number two, the detail is not necessary in a more public forum. So when I shared my story, you know, I just I by God's grace, like I had a little bit of that understanding. And so the first time I shared it was that I basically shared that I struggle, that I've gone back and forth and I've been hot and cold, and that was pretty much the extent of it. Now, when I shared with my friend for the first time my band mate, well, that was different. You know, I shared in a little bit more detail, and I told them about how often I'm struggling and when we became accountability partners and we have the software, he was seeing the specific websites that I was stumbling with. So he got access to a level of detail that was much greater and much higher, because there's an understanding like, we, we, we, we know each other.
Speaker 1 (00:06:37) - Whereas in a crowd of 100 people, I don't know where everybody's at and those those level of details become very cringey and very uncomfortable. Now, if that level, sorry if those 100 people are all trying to recover from porn addiction, well, that's different, right? If they're all trying to recover from porn addiction, then that's different. Then maybe you can go into more detail, but it depends on what you're allowed to do. And it depends on why people are there. Because if if you're there because you're all struggling, you may not want to get into too much detail. So the general first general guideline is the more public, the less detail. Okay. Number two. Ask yourself, what is my goal? So what is my goal in all of this? If my is my goal just to get it out for my own sake, I just. I need people to know that I struggle. I want it to be out there. I don't want there to be anything hidden. If that's the case, then then you really don't need to share a lot of detail.
Speaker 1 (00:07:35) - Right, because they just need to know that it exists and the details are actually going to become a hindrance. But if you're in a coaching session with a coach and he's asking you about your struggle, if you hold back details, it actually makes it harder for him to help you.
Speaker 2 (00:07:55) - Or her.
Speaker 1 (00:07:59) - So what's the purpose? Are we after healing? Are we after transparency? Are we trying to just bring knowledge to people and bring in understanding? What are we after here? Very, very, very important questions to be asking. Okay. Um, so the first thing is what's the level of public publicity? Number two, what is your goal and all this? And the third guideline is always air on the side of caution. Once you share too much you can't take that back. But you can always correct not sharing enough. Here's what I will say just to counter this a little bit and hopefully counterbalance it. Err on the side of caution, but find places where you can share in great detail.
Speaker 1 (00:08:57) - Like, I will tell you guys, I have shared some of the most intricate details of. Fantasies, some of my sexual explorations as a child, all of my shortcomings and mistakes in my adult years sexually. Like pretty much everything has been laid out for somebody. Um, mostly it's actually mostly two friends, now that I think about it. That level of transparent detail. Sharing is so liberating you cannot imagine. But I shudder to think about sharing that kind of detail with even a group of five people. I don't. I don't have five people in my life that I could gather in a room and share all of that information with. So use your wisdom here. Err on the side of caution, and if you don't have those people that you can share in detail with. Wait until you do ask God to give you those friends. And maybe another good thing to do would be to look at some counseling. Look at some coaching, you know, at least start somewhere professionally until God brings more people into your life that you can do this a little bit more privately with as well.
Speaker 1 (00:10:04) - So I think that's everything, but I actually just realized I probably left out maybe the most important thing, which is do you need to share your story? And the answer is yes, you. For you to make a full recovery, you must share your story. But do you have to share with the masses? No. Absolutely not. But you can't do this alone either. So share your story. Find people to share it with. Find people that feel safe, that are trusted, and don't start public. Whatever you do, do not start public. Find people that you can share with privately. First. Work through the story. Work through how you're going to share it. Start to identify. Okay, those are more intense details and all the like. And then, you know, God will give you those opportunities if you want them. And for most of you listening, he probably won't because he'll have other ways that you're going to use your freedom and recovery to bless people. But the point here, guys, is your story counts, your story matters, and if we share this effectively, we can actually change a lot of people's lives.
Speaker 1 (00:10:59) - And that's what I want for you guys. You know, my life is a great example, more overt example, but we have had so many men share their story and their small groups while they still have their other lives. And and it's been very, very impactful. So God will use you in all kinds of ways. I'm excited to be a part of it. In the meantime, thank you guys so much for listening. Have a great day. God bless you. We'll we'll talk soon. Bye bye. Hey, everybody, it's Sathiya again. Thanks for listening to Unleash the Man Within. I wanted to take a quick moment to let you know about a free e-book that I wrote for you, called The Ultimate Guide to Porn Recovery. It provides a basic framework for the recovery process and a few of my top tips completely free of charge. You can get it now at WW W Ultimate Recovery guide.com. That's w w w dot recovery guide. Com. Now if you've been impacted by the podcast and you want to show some support in less than 60s, there are three ways you can do that.
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Speaker 3 (00:12:36) - The information, opinions and recommendations presented in this podcast by Sathiya, Sam and his guests are for general information only and should not be considered medical, clinical or any other form of professional advice. Any reliance on the information provided is done at your own risk.