Speaker 1 (00:00:00) - So here's the million dollar question. How are men like us who work hard, have good motives and a God given purpose supposed to fulfill the calling on our lives and the dreams in our hearts, all while establishing sexual integrity, thriving relationships, and a meaningful connection with God. That is the question, and this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Sathiya Sam. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. Yo, yo, yo. What is going on, my man? It's Sathiya Sam here. Welcome to Unleash the man Within. Thank you guys so much for listening. I'm so glad you're here. And look, we're jumping into, honestly, some of the most revolutionary content that you will ever hear in the porn addiction recovery space today. I'm telling you, these next ten minutes are going to absolutely blow your mind and you're going to be so glad that you tuned in. I promise you that, especially if you're looking to get free of sexual misbehavior, porn addiction, anything similar or honestly, even if you're listening, maybe just to better help a friend or somebody else in your life, or maybe you're in a leadership role in an environment where people are sharing about these kinds of issues with you.
Speaker 1 (00:01:11) - This is all going to be super, super helpful. Now, typically we would do a plug for some of our resources at the beginning. I'm going to actually save everything for the end today because I have some specific resources in mind that I want you to get your hands on, but I need to actually go through today's content for them to make sense. Okay. So no plug today. And just, you know, again, let's enjoy the next ten minutes and then if you want to engage some of the resources at the end, then that's awesome. So in the episode, I think about two days ago, we talked about the real reason that you haven't quit porn. And typically that reason is because you have not fully resolved a root issue, the underlying causal elements of the behavior. It's very easy to sort of hack away at the surface and come up with some behavior modification tactics when true, lasting freedom happens underneath the surface, within the heart of the man. So you can go back and listen to that if you kind of want some more insights into everything I just mentioned in the last 30s there.
Speaker 1 (00:02:11) - But what we need to talk about today is what it actually looks like for you to quit porn. Now, I'll be the first to say that I have done just about every solution you can imagine. Like everything from the white knuckling willpower, self control stuff to internet filters and accountability partners and bouncing the eyes and sharing in peer groups and all that kind of stuff to courses, to counseling, to therapy, to inner healing, to deliverance ministry, to coaching. Like I mean, I basically did the whole gamut, covered it all in my five long years of recovery. And good grief, it should not take you that long if you really do this properly. And so that's why I again, I think the episode two days ago is helpful. But what I want to talk about today is really the nuts and bolts of recovery. And it's interesting. We've obviously had hundreds of successful recoveries now under our belt. But if you look at even some of the leading experts and even just colleagues in the field, and when I start to ask them, hey, what what's working and tell me some success stories and, you know, why do you think these people were successful? What I've identified are three pillars that are present and I would say prevalent in pretty much all recovery stories.
Speaker 1 (00:03:25) - And some of them happen in different order. Some of them are in varying measures, but these three pillars tend to be at the center fold of every successful recovery. Now, when I say a successful recovery, I don't just mean that the gentleman has gone from watching a couple of times a week to a couple times a year. I am talking about somebody who is no longer watching. They've undergone some sort of identity shift in their lives to the point that they don't even identify with the individual. They used to be that watched pornography and they're not turning back, you know, and I think a good marker is about a year typically not all not every single story that I'm basing this off of was a year long, just full disclosure. But I think a year is generally a good marker of if you had a year where you were living not just in sobriety, because sobriety is where you wake up every morning and you pray that you don't slip. And you know, I'm one mistake away. Freedom is where you wake up fully rested and you just go live your life, you know, and you don't even really think about this stuff anymore.
Speaker 1 (00:04:30) - So that's what I mean by, you know, I think that's how we would characterize a success. The three pillars, okay, The three elements that every good recovery has. The first is self awareness. All right? Now, each of these pillars that I've sort of identified have a motto for them. And the motto for this one is, if you are not aware, it cannot be repaired, sorry, cannot be repaired. The reality is, guys, most of the issues that are causing your sexual misbehavior exist. They exist, but you just don't know about them because you lack awareness. So what bridges the gap between your knowledge of the problems and their existence? Self awareness. And so the first thing that we have to do, if we're really going to get underneath the surface and tackle the more inner elements, is we have to be able to name the inner elements. We have to be able to label them and define them and articulate them and pinpoint them, because otherwise we're just throwing things at the wall and hoping something sticks.
Speaker 1 (00:05:35) - So we need to name these things and the more accurately and the more articulately we can name these things, well, the better set up we're going to be for a solution. So a lot of guys tend to blitz through this like, Yeah, yeah, I get the idea. You know, I got some mommy issues and I have some trauma from the past and, you know, I'm not great at handling stress. Okay, let's move on to the next thing. It's like, Hey, slow down there, Turbo. Let's actually take a couple minutes and try to articulate this thing a little bit more accurately, because if we simply generalize this and you just kind of put yourself into a broad category, you actually miss out on the individual elements of your story that are contributing to your problematic behavior. And therefore, you will lack an individual kind of tailored component in the solution to remove said behavior. So what do we want to do? Well, we want to be really meticulous in labeling, defining and and building that self awareness.
Speaker 1 (00:06:34) - Okay. Which leads us into our second pillar. Once we've done that, that first pillar, effectively all recoveries have some element of changing or transforming the heart. Now what do I mean by this? I mean recovering from wounds of the past. I mean processing and healing through trauma. I'm talking about identifying maybe some patterns that existed in your parent child relationships that were when you were growing up. How how is sex handled and subjects around sexuality? All these things have contributed. And if we if we kind of live in the fragmented state, that some of these wounding and pain points can cause, then we really lack the opportunity to be holistic in our sexuality. And obviously, if we are not holistic in our experience of sexuality, then we are much more likely to gravitate towards more broken behaviors like porn consumption. So the motto for this is I would rather be sorry I'm getting my models mixed up. The model here is actually even simpler than that. It's he who is most vulnerable heals the quickest. He who is most vulnerable heals the quickest.
Speaker 1 (00:07:40) - So if you really want to blitz through, this vulnerability is your way to do it, obviously you have to do it with sincerity. Okay? You can't just use it as some ploy or some gimmick, but if you really do it sincere sincerely, vulnerability is the fastest way to experience a heart transformation. And apart from vulnerability, it's very hard to actually graduate from this pillar of the process. So you build self awareness, you transform your heart. And the third pillar is identity. Okay? This is establishing your identity, shifting your identity, however you want to kind of phrase it. The point here is this is where you begin to build a new sense of self apart from your past. This is where you leave things behind. You shed your skin, so to speak, and you begin to become a new man in a new way that is driven by new values, that handles emotions and thoughts and the cares of life in different and new ways. All of this is about you being transformed and becoming the person that God made you to be.
Speaker 1 (00:08:44) - And this is the exciting phase. You can probably hear it in my voice because this is where guys start to dream again. This is where guys start to make radical changes in their lives. This is where guys start to get opportunities that they never thought were possible because of their porn addiction, not just because they are starting to taste freedom and walk in freedom, but also because they are stepping into that person that God had made them to be from day one of their life. And this is a really, really fun stage. Ah, our model for this stage as I would rather be 100% myself and rejected than 80% myself and accepted This is this is where people begin to step into their true selves without apology. And it is a beautiful, beautiful thing. So look, every successful recovery has these three elements. If you want to do this in the most proficient way possible, follow these elements in this order, build self awareness, go through the inner healing process, and then focus on your identity. People sometimes get this stuff backwards a little bit, but I think that's the most proficient way you can do it in reverse order or different orders.
Speaker 1 (00:09:52) - It doesn't matter a ton, but if you want to be effective with your time and your efforts, that's the best way to do it. Now, I have to add two things that sort of take these these pillared approaches and light them on absolute wild fire. Okay. Two things that you're going to want to do if you really want to take this to the next level. The first is. Immunity. So all of the addiction research like broadening this a little bit now, but all of the addiction research, whether it's alcohol, drugs, gambling, pornography, they clearly demonstrate that the more communal your solution is, the more effective it is. Long term in particular, it's actually if you're looking for just short term results, community is a terrible way to do this because it takes time to build community. It takes time to kind of feel comfortable and a sense of belonging and to open up. And if you're in a rush, you don't have time for that. But if you're willing to play the long game here, and if you want to be free long term, not just for 90 days or six months, but for the rest of your life, then community has to be a part of this solution.
Speaker 1 (00:10:55) - That's the first thing. Okay. The second thing, the multiplier, if you will. The second multiplier is getting expert guidance. And whether that's a therapist or a coach or even just a leader or somebody that you trust, it doesn't have to be anything specific. Obviously, I'm a coach. I have a bias towards coaching. But look, tons of people get free through therapy, through counseling, just through having a trusted leader that's guiding them through. There's lots of ways that you can do this, but having that expert along the way or that that guide, it's going to save you from making rookie mistakes and it's going to speed up your process dramatically. And if you're not going to do both these things, if it sounds like too much, please pick one because I don't want to see you just fumble your way through this thing on your own. It's just a waste of your time and valuable energy. And the sooner you get free, the sooner you can step into the exciting things that God has for you.
Speaker 1 (00:11:44) - So, look, here's the deal, guys. If you want some more help in this, I detail all of these pillars in way, way, way more depth on in my book, rather the Last relapse. Okay. So that books available to you for free at the last relapse book.com. It's got case studies in there. It's got a free workbook. It's got practical stuff. I mean just about anything that you could ever want in a recovery guide. That book has it all. The second thing is we do have a program called Deep Clean, and that's our program that actually takes people through these three pillars. I mentioned systematically you do get a community, you get expert coaches, and we actually bring in an additional expert kind of externally once a month in addition to our coaches that work in house. And so you get the whole kit and caboodle. That's something you can look at. You just have to book a call with our team and look if you want some other material in this space.
Speaker 1 (00:12:31) - Unwanted by Jay Stranger is a phenomenal book. I highly recommend it. And I'm a big fan of Pure Desire and what they're doing over there. They have some really good resources. You guys can go check them out as well. So I hope that gives you an idea of what a successful recovery is going to look like for you and of course, some resources that can help you take some actionable items. The worst thing that could come out of this episode is that you simply listen to it and you walk away. Take some action, my friend. Do something. That's the way this becomes a win. It's not just ingesting the information, it's acting on it. That's where true change takes place. And I do not want you to stay the same. I want you to be free for the rest of your life. That's what we're all about here. So, hey, thank you guys so much for listening. Make sure you go check out those resources. The Last Relapse eBook. You can get a free copy of my book or you can book a call with my team.
Speaker 1 (00:13:17) - If you're serious about doing our program, we would love to speak with you. In the meantime, have a great day. Stay clean. We'll talk soon. Hey, everybody, it's Lithia again. Thanks for listening to Unleash the Man Within. I wanted to take a quick moment to let you know about a free e-book that I wrote for you called The Ultimate Guide to Porn Recovery. It provides a basic framework for the recovery process and a few of my top tips completely free of charge. You can get it now at WW W dot ultimate recovery guide.com that's W WW ultimate recovery guide. Com. Now if you've been impacted by the podcast and you want to show some support in less than 60s, there are three ways you can do that. First, you can leave a rating or review on your podcast platform. This lets people like you know that the content here is valuable. Secondly, you can share this episode with someone in your life that might benefit from the content. If you're passionate about helping other people experience freedom and success in their lives, this is one of the easiest ways to do that.
Speaker 1 (00:14:18) - And lastly, you can subscribe. I personally only listen to the podcast that I subscribe to. If you're seeking daily encouragement, guidance and insight in your recovery journey, I highly recommend subscribing to Unleash the Man Within. Thanks for listening. I look forward to connecting with you very, very soon.
Speaker 2 (00:14:37) - The information, opinions and recommendations presented in this podcast by Sathiya, Sam and his guests are for general information only and should not be considered medical, clinical or any other form of professional advice. Any reliance on the information provided is done at your own risk.