Speaker 1 0:01
So here's the million dollar question. How are men like us who work hard, have good motives and a God given purpose, supposed to fulfill the calling on our lives and the dreams in our hearts, all while establishing sexual integrity, thriving relationships and a meaningful connection with God? That is the question. And this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Sathiya Sam, welcome to unleash the man with
Speaker 1 0:32
yo, yo, yo, what's going on my man welcome to unleash the man within. Thank you guys so much for listening. I'm so glad you're here today. And I'm super excited. We're gonna talk a little bit today about being disciplined as a child. So this is not an episode about how to discipline your child, although there, there are some implications in what we're going to discuss. But we're actually talking more about unpacking that part of your past and how you were disciplined, and why it has relevance for recovery, you know, and a porn addiction, those two things may seem very separate and apart, I can assure you, there's a good correlation, we're gonna dive into all of it. Now really quick, I really made it my mission. And well, more particularly, God has made it my mission the last two years to try to create as much valuable content for free as possible. And so, you know, I spent over 10 grand doing my book, The Last relapse and getting it done professionally and properly. I give it away for free on my website. We have built out a bunch of trainings, one pagers, booklets, I mean, you name it, you know, Bible reading plans, everything we can to help you guys get free porn, and we give them away for free at Sathiya sam.com/resources. And so if you don't have your hands on some of this stuff yet, go check it out, I guarantee you, there's something there that's going to offer a little nugget, a little piece of wisdom into your recovery. And it's going to help you further this journey until you are on the other side of freedom. So go check them out. Sathiya sam.com/resources. I think that's everything. Let's jump in. And let's talk about today's content. So this was inspired by a client call that I had recently, we got on the subject of being beaten by your parents. I'm laughing because you know, I have had Indian parents have Indian parents. My wife has a Pakistani mother and a Jamaican father. And so between my wife and I, we alone have so many stories about like the belt, or the flip flop, you know, or I mean, I definitely got just straight up spanked by my mom, with our bare hands a couple of times as well. Look, spanking was just part of our operating. That was how we were disciplined. And we turned out fine. Now I'm not I'm not trying to make a case for spanking. But it was interesting when we got into this subject, with the clients how everybody was kind of like cracking up and nodding because we all pretty much all of us had these spanking stories, you know, and there's sort of this joke with in colored communities that like, you know, white people, they don't know what it's like, because for real, like Indian parents, they will, they will smack you upside your head like they they do not they do not care, they will beat you. Jamaican parents, oh my gosh, like they are on another level. And a lot of these, you know, ethnic cultures. It's just, it's sort of embedded like African parents, you know, ruthless man. But I have to say this is I'm going to break down the discrimination today to all my white listeners, I know that you guys got beat, too. Okay. And sure, some of you maybe didn't get as bad. Maybe maybe some of you didn't get beat at all, but I just wanted you to hear a color person acknowledge, hey, white people got beat to Okay, so nobody's excluded from this conversation. today. We're all involved. We all got beat by our kids, or sorry, by our parents. And the reason I wanted to talk about it today is because you will, you will know if you've been listening to us. Our second pillar of recovery is transformation of the heart. And this involves a series of processes, but one of which is working through the sort of parent child dynamic that existed during your upbringing with both your mom and your dad. Now we typically have our clients focus on one parent in particular. And if they don't know if they're like, I don't know which one to start with, we just say, well, whatever parent is the gender, sorry, whatever parent is of the gender that you are attracted to. That would be where you start. So for a heterosexual male, that would be his mother, because he's attracted to women and his his mother is the woman of the two parents. But you know, for a man with same sex attraction, you would focus on the relationship with your father. So that's just a starting point. That's not like a rule. There's not like a lot of psychological research behind that, but it's just a good guiding guiding point. And we do eventually switch over to the their parents, so both parents get covered anyway. But the point is, understanding these dynamics is really valuable. And I'm one of the things that I've been really trying to hammer home lately is how important our perception is. So this is a great demonstration of that. Because when we start talking about getting spanked, I have a bunch of stories, you know, I can remember being spanked as a kid, I don't think my parents spanked me beyond the age of four, I want to say, and if I did get spanked after four, it was few and far between. And it didn't really leave a mark I'm talking about emotionally, physically, who knows. But I don't really recall any trauma around it or being scarred. So it's just interesting. So I'm like, I'm actually pretty pro spanking, even though I don't know that I'm necessarily gonna spank my kids. It's not, I don't feel like it's necessary. But I'm not I'm not one of those people who's like, spanking is abuse, don't do it. Seth doll, who we've had on the show before, has said that the way you discipline your kids should match the offense. So if there's a physical offense, like maybe your son, let's say he pushes your daughter over, well, something like a spanking a physical discipline, matches the offense, because he did something physically inappropriate to his daughter. Interesting perspective, I'm just going to tie that in a bow and just leave that there for another day. But my wife, on the other hand, you know, so my experience is okay, I got spanked wasn't really traumatizing, whatever, I don't really care, my wife got spanked, and like, it left a mark, like not just a physical mark, like a mental, emotional March, she still remembers, like the wrath of her parents running around. In fact, her brother has these hilarious stories about how like, when he knew he was gonna get spanked, he would actually run to his room. And he would put on like seven pairs of pants and a bunch of underwear, just so that he would have some insulation to protect himself against the spanking. So like, you know, her parents were pretty hardcore. And so for her, it was really impactful. And it's something that she's had to work through. And, you know, just some forgiveness and some reframing of what her parents were trying to do, versus what they actually accomplished, and all that kind of stuff. And I just wanted to I wanted to talk about it today, I would have honestly never thought about bringing this up until I saw the way my clients were responding to it on this call that we just had recently. And so I wanted to just invite those of you who are following along with us following our system, whether you're in the program, or maybe you're just you know, you're you're picking things up and kind of piecemealing it together here and there. This would be worth a consideration. Do you have trauma around being spanked as a kid and maybe it's not being spanked, okay, we can actually broaden this, and just say the way that you were disciplined, you know, whether it was maybe it was verbally aggressive, maybe you got like silent treatment, and kind of the cold shoulder. Like, there's, again, we're not just talking about the overt expressions of discipline that were harmful, you can actually get a lot of subtle, silent forms of discipline that in many ways are just as scarring, if not more, this would be a this is an invitation today, I guess, to explore these a little bit more to take a closer look and say, okay, where, where has there been, you know, maybe some trauma or some bitterness, where has there been some wounding and some pain that was caused by the way my parents discipline me, or the way that my parents did not discipline me, that maybe needs to be addressed? You know, it's funny, my, one of my reflections in my relationships with my parents, is that they actually, they, they chose to be a little bit too nice sometimes, like, I can think of a couple times where I was being a brat. And my parents did not do anything. You know, I can think of times where I was really getting like, addicted to video games, and like, was properly obsessed. And my parents tried to intervene. And they, they didn't, they didn't discipline me for it, and they didn't really like step in. And because they didn't discipline and step in, I kind of had to figure it out on my own. Now, maybe there's something to be said about that, you know, maybe if they would have stepped in and tried to force the issue that they would have, it would have actually caused me to get more addicted. And I would have kind of like leaned into the video games more in a rebellion to them.
Speaker 1 9:42
So, again, I don't I don't know what's right or wrong. And I'm just about to become a parent for my first time. So I'm probably going to fumble my way through this. If any of you guys have any wisdom, you can message me at podcast at Sathiya sam.com. I'll take all the advice you got but but for real. The point here is you How are parents discipline us, or in some cases, how they did not discipline us can really impact the way that we relate to them, it can impact the way we get our needs met, and it can impact the way that we see ourselves. And if you're not getting your needs met in a healthy way, if you have poor self esteem, and if you have, you know, tenuous, or really challenging relationships with your parents, and there's bitterness, and there's resentment, and there's unforgiveness, these things all contribute to porn addiction, they contribute not only to the compulsive, repetitive behavior of viewing pornography, masturbating, having affairs, sex, whatever it might be, but they actually, they keep it sealed the shame and the hiddenness around and keep it sealed, and allow it to to fester, if I can put it that way. So all of this is to say, my friends. If you have not addressed this part yet, I want to encourage you to do it. Obviously, this is our specialty. So you're welcome to reach out to us. This is part of our program. And when we walk guys through our system, like I said, this is smack in the middle. This is literally the turning point when guys go through this process with you know, some expert guidance, some principles in place, you got some research and some scripture in there and supportive community. I mean, this is like this is where it's like, whoa, like game changer, like, like things are legitimately changing. And it's tangible. So this is not fluff. I'm giving you guys today. And I wanted to just add a new dimension to it that we haven't actually ever discussed on the podcast before, which is kind of crazy, you know, 633 episodes. And first, I'm talking about getting beat by your parents today. So there you go. That was everything. I hope that was valuable for you guys. Again, if you haven't checked out our free resources, Sathiya sam.com/resources Link is in the show notes. Make sure you go check it out. And last but not least, stay clean out there. We'll talk soon guys. Much love. Bye. Hey, everybody, it's the Thea again, thanks for listening to unleash the man with him. I wanted to take a quick moment to let you know about a free ebook that I wrote for you called The Ultimate Guide to porn recovery. It provides a basic framework for the recovery process, and a few of my top tips completely free of charge. You can get it now at www dot ultimate recovery guide.com. That's www ultimate recovery guide.com. Now if you've been impacted by the podcast, and you want to show some support in less than 60 seconds, there are three ways you can do that. First, you can leave a rating or review on your podcast platform. This lets people like you know that the content here is valuable. Secondly, you can share this episode with someone in your life that might benefit from the content. If you're passionate about helping other people experience freedom and success in their lives. This is one of the easiest ways to do that. And lastly, you can subscribe. I personally only listen to the podcasts that I subscribe to. If you're seeking daily encouragement, guidance and insight in your recovery journey. I highly recommend subscribing to unleash the man within. Thanks for listening. I look forward to connecting with you very very soon.
Speaker 2 13:06
The information opinions and recommendations presented in this podcast by Sofia Sam and his guests are for general information only and should not be considered medical, clinical or any other form of professional advice. Any reliance on the information provided is done at your own risk.
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