Speaker 1 (00:00:01) - So here's the million dollar question. How are men like us who work hard, have good motives and a God given purpose supposed to fulfill the calling on our lives and the dreams in our hearts, all while establishing sexual integrity, thriving relationships, and a meaningful connection with God. That is the question, and this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Sathiya Sam. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. Yo, yo, yo. What is going on, my man? Or welcome to unleashed the man with them. Thank you guys so much for listening. I'm so glad you're here today. And we are going to get into how to approach all the different recovery tools that you're learning along the way, either through this podcast or on Instagram or in the books you're reading or whatever it might be. Tons of good stuff out there. But I want to I want to teach you guys a little bit today about kind of how to make use of it and not get overwhelmed because I found this in fitness and I found this in parenting.
Speaker 1 (00:01:03) - I found this in marriage. And I had this a little bit in recovery too, but there's almost too many resources sometimes. And if we don't have the right mentality about the abundance of resources, we can actually be led astray by them and it becomes too much of a good thing. So we're going to combat that today. We're going to make sure that doesn't happen to you. Before I jump into that, guys, I have to say. So I have made a couple shifts in how I'm managing my time and my schedule and one day maybe I'll I'll share the ins and outs of it. I don't know if you guys would really care that much, but one of the cool byproducts is it is unlocked, a lot more creative thinking and a little bit more strategic thinking from me. I've just had a little bit more time, a little bit more clarity of mind. And I have a really cool idea that I'm planning to launch here probably late fall, early winter for the podcast that I'm it's taking all the self-control in the world right now to not tell you guys what it is or at least give you a hint.
Speaker 1 (00:02:02) - But I think you're really going to like it and I think it's going to add a lot of value to those of you who came to this podcast looking for answers, which I assume is most of you. I have. I just anyway, this cool idea and it's going to be fire, so I'm really excited for it in the meantime. But if you, you know, if you want to just hang tight for a bit, number one, obviously make sure you're subscribed here and make sure you guys continue to spread the word and that'll help us reach more people. Okay, Let's talk about this kind of buffet or prefix kind of approach to recovery. Now, if you're wondering what the heck are you talking about? Does this guy just speak French? Yes, I did not to brag or anything, but I was in French immersion for a whole two years of my early childhood education. I still have to remember a lot of it. I can have a good conversation in French, but that is besides the point.
Speaker 1 (00:02:53) - Neither here nor there. What happens in recovery is you and this is very typical of anyone. So if you've had this experience, just know number one, you're not alone In number two, I'm going to teach you how to kind of bust out of it. But we tend to accumulate all these tools. So it's like, Oh, what do I do when I'm triggered? Well, you know, you work on your breathing, change your environment, phone a friend, set up a, you know, an accountability app so you can hit the SOS button and it sends out a bunch of text messages and lets people know, okay, great, awesome. Well, what do I do when I'm triggered late at night? Oh, well, you got to get up and go for a walk or stretch, do something physical, get the energy out, you know, do some jumping jacks. You got to you know, you want to pray, You want to cast that thought down. You want to, you know, get your vision board and start studying it and start belting out the affirmations.
Speaker 1 (00:03:39) - And, you know, the list goes on and on, right? We have all these different tools and there's journaling and there's the accountability system and and there's this and there's that. And the question becomes like, What do I do with all of this? The buffet approach is kind of like, Well, I try to do a little bit every day. So that's when you get the people who are like, Well, you know, I journal for a little bit every day, then I do my affirmations, then I go through my vision board, then I have a conversation with my spotter, my accountability partner, you know, then I go to work. But in between calls, I take a ten minute break and I do some meditation and I do some breathwork that just keeps my nervous system regulated. And then at lunchtime, you know, after I'm done eating well, then I like to go for a little jog just to kind of get some energy out and, you know, and then I usually journal for about ten, 15 minutes and then, you know, at the midpoint of the day, well, then I get into the Word of God for a little bit and I try to read some scriptures that really keep my thoughts centered, you know, And then I journal again a little bit after that just to be extra careful and, you know, etcetera, etcetera.
Speaker 1 (00:04:36) - And then I have my appointment with my counselor at 5:00 in the evening and you can kind of just see like this is sort of the buffet approach where it's like we're trying to just get a little bit of everything and sure, it's great and it's going to fill you up or it's it's going to do its trick, but it's nowhere near as effective as just having one really good entree. The the prefix menu is really good as well. And this is sort of where it's like these are the few things that I'm doing and they're all excellent. So if you ever, if you've ever paid for a more expensive meal, especially on more promotional days at some of these upscale restaurants, they have kind of a fixed menu, right? So like I, I remember getting screwed one time at a Valentine's Day dinner because I, I picked a restaurant that I knew my wife liked because I knew she loved linguini there. And so I made the reservation and then I forgot to check the menu. And so when we got there, the menu didn't have the linguine on it.
Speaker 1 (00:05:38) - And I went from a ten out of ten husband to a nine out of ten. My wife's not that picky, but I felt really bad about it. And it's because the restaurant had a fixed menu. They only had a certain number of items that they're basically saying, Hey, we do these really well. Anything you get here is going to be awesome. Here are your options. So the question is, do we take the buffet approach where you get a little bit of everything, but it's exhausting, or do we try to focus in and and really limit what we're doing to just a few things but do them really well? Well, actually, we want to do both. So when you start out in recovery, you actually need to start out with a buffet. You have to try a bunch of different things. I would liken it to imagine a 6 or 7 year old and you could either take them to a buffet for dinner and you're going to pay 25 bucks and it's all you can eat or you can take them to like a really classy, upscale restaurant.
Speaker 1 (00:06:40) - And it's going to be $200 for their bill. So it's $25 or it's $200. Well, obviously, they're going to get better quality food at that more expensive restaurant. But they have to like the food. And sometimes they don't know what they like because while they're seven years old, they're still they're still figuring out all the foods that are out there. So the buffet is actually where you need to start in recovery. And what happens after that is we should be going into what it's kind of a rhythmic. Oscillation, I guess between the buffet and the fixed price kind of approach, the fixed I'm going to call it fixed menu, that's a little bit clearer. So the buffet gets you, gives you a taste of of a bunch of things and you try it all and you say, You know what? Everything was amazing, but next time I'm just going to get a plate of the Kung Pao chicken. That was like the best. So. Oh, and you know what? I really like the sticky rice.
Speaker 1 (00:07:39) - So, like, if I just had those two things, I'm good to go. Perfect. So maybe let's translate this into recovery. Maybe for you that's journaling and going for a walk every morning. So what do you do for the next three, 4 or 5 months? Well, you journal every day and you go for a walk every morning and you know that there's all those other recovery tools out there. You know, you could talk to your spotter and you could do a course and you could see a therapist and you could join a community and you could build a vision board. But right now, these are the things that are moving the needle and we're going to prioritize these. But you know what's going to happen after about three or 4 or 5 months is they're going to they're going to get a bit old, maybe the novelty is going to wear off. Maybe the impact is just not the way it used to be. And it's going to be time for you to look for something else. And you may know what that something else is right away, but you have to remember that you're not the same person that you were five months ago when you first tried the buffet.
Speaker 1 (00:08:29) - So you might go back to the buffet and all of a sudden, while the compound chicken is fine, but I've been eating that for the last five months. But now, oh my gosh, this butter chicken is amazing. All of a sudden, man having a spotter. I don't know how I went this long without it. And this becomes the soup du jour to keep running with these food metaphors. So the idea here, guys, is we want to we want to actually move back and forth between the two. We don't want to get too pigeonholed into these things are the things that I will do and I will I will never sway from them. But at the same time, we also don't want to get stuck in a buffet where we're just trying to do a little bit of everything. We want to have seasons of both, and the key to executing this correctly or effectively is knowing your season. This is something I'm going to talk about tomorrow. This is one of the most important concepts I've ever taught, ever.
Speaker 1 (00:09:18) - I talk about it in my book. My editor was like, That was the best part of your book, Drew Bowa, founder of Husband Material. He read my book. He was like, That was my favorite part. That was absolutely incredible. I'm going to teach you about it tomorrow. You're going to learn the whole thing in ten minutes. You don't have to read my book, although if you want to, you can go grab it. But that's that's what we're going to cover tomorrow. And it should kind of build nicely on what we've talked about today. So in summary, guys, the buffet and the fixed menu, they both work hand in hand. You need to know your season and you need to know whether you're supposed to be at the buffet or whether you should be doing the fixed price menu. But either way, whatever you do, make sure that if you look back, you zoom out over the scope of a year or two years, make sure there's a healthy balance of both.
Speaker 1 (00:10:01) - Thanks for listening, guys. Have an amazing day. We'll talk soon. Bye bye. Hey, everybody, it's Thea again. Thanks for listening to Unleash the Man Within. I wanted to take a quick moment to let you know about a free e-book that I wrote for you called The Ultimate Guide to Porn Recovery. It provides a basic framework for the recovery process and a few of my top tips completely free of charge. You can get it now at WW Waltman recovery guide.com that's W WW alternate recovery guide. Com. Now if you've been impacted by the podcast and you want to show some support in less than 60s, there are three ways you can do that. First, you can leave a rating or review on your podcast platform. This lets people like you know that the content here is valuable. Secondly, you can share this episode with someone in your life that might benefit from the content. If you're passionate about helping other people experience freedom and success in their lives, this is one of the easiest ways to do that.
Speaker 1 (00:11:00) - And lastly, you can subscribe. I personally only listen to the podcast that I subscribe to. If you're seeking daily encouragement, guidance and insight in your recovery journey, I highly recommend subscribing to Unleash the Man Within. Thanks for listening. I look forward to connecting with you very, very soon.
Speaker 2 (00:11:19) - The information, opinions and recommendations presented in this podcast by Cynthia, Sam and his guests are for general information only and should not be considered medical, clinical or any other form of professional advice. Any reliance on the information provided is done at your own risk.