Speaker 1 (00:00:01) - So here's the million dollar question. How are men like us who work hard, have good motives and a God given purpose supposed to fulfill the calling on our lives and the dreams in our hearts, all while establishing sexual integrity, thriving relationships, and a meaningful connection with God. That is the question, and this podcast will give you the answers. My name is Sayhiya Sam. Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. Yo, yo, yo. What's going on, everybody? Welcome to Unleash the Man Within. I'm your host, Sathya. Sam, thank you so much for listening. I'm so glad that you're here today. We are talking about the sort of fatherhood aspect of freedom, and this is becoming more and more important to me as I get ready to become a father. I am going to have a son at some point in October. And that is pretty wild to think about. But this is actually inspired by an expert call that we did in our client community about a week ago with a guy named Matt Boudreaux, who has been on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:01:06) - And we got into this great conversation about education and manhood and sort of all things that kind of intersect with those two subjects. And we we reached this really critical point that you're going to thoroughly enjoy a beautiful phrase that was actually inspired by the Holy Spirit. And it's my phrase, but it really is his. And you're going to you're going to I think you're going to be really impacted by it. But before I jump into that very quickly, I'm trying to let as many people know as possible that we have a free resource section on our page. Okay. This is a place for you to get one. Pagers, books, booklets. I'm going to start uploading some trainings and some courses up there pretty soon. We have a bunch of them all designed to help you quit pornography, to help you improve your relationships and really experience more fulfillment in your life. That's what this whole thing is all about. And I would love for you to go get your hands on them if you haven't yet. The page is Sathya.
Speaker 1 (00:02:02) - Com slash resources. The link is in the show notes. That's probably the easier way so you don't have to try to spell my name, but seriously go check those things out because they will help you get free. And in a matter of honestly moments you can have things delivered to your inbox and you can be further in your journey to recovery. Now. That's everything for today. Let's jump in to this whole subject about why freedom matters to your kids. Now, this is actually true if you're having a or if you have sons or daughters. And that's something that's been really helpful for me. I remember when we were early in this pregnancy and I thought we were having a girl and everybody else seemed to think we were having a girl for whatever reason. Who knows why people have these thoughts, right? But I remember thinking, wow, a girl, what a what a responsibility, because I am going to play a role in her idea of what a man should be, what a man shouldn't be, what a man should look like, what yeah, healthy masculinity looks like.
Speaker 1 (00:03:00) - And that's going to severely impact her, especially in her later decisions that she makes as an adult. Then when I found out we were having a son, I. I felt all those feelings all over again just from a different angle, you know, because now I'm realizing like, wow, I know what it's like to be a son. You know, I'm going to be able to relate with him and identify with him. And I also carry a responsibility to be a role model for him. And we were kind of batting this idea around at our expert call. And it was really interesting because this is obviously pretty important in the subject of freedom from pornography. Right? And so let's let's talk about that angle and then I want to share with you kind of a thought that will nicely clinch all of this together. You getting free of porn and sexual misbehavior is bigger than you. I'm going to assume you know that, but I think it's worth the reiteration. So I just wanted to mention it one more time.
Speaker 1 (00:03:57) - This is bigger than you. This is actually about you getting free so you can firstly have much healthier, coherent relationships. Okay, That's the first thing. So if you can have healthier, more coherent, actually cohesive, I think that's the word I meant. If you have more healthy and cohesive relationships, then your overall quality of life improves. That's the general ripple that we're trying to see in you. Experiencing freedom is you become a better person. You show up better in your relationships, including your relationship with God and in having better, more meaningful relationships. You start to experience more fulfillment in life. And the end byproduct would be that from a greater place of fulfillment comes a greater contribution to the world to make a difference in more people's lives through your work, your volunteerism, the way you participate in your family, etcetera, etcetera. Okay. That's the basic premise of what we're dealing with here. You getting free from a familial standpoint has two major implications. The first is that the plumb line of the family unit, you and your wife is now healthier.
Speaker 1 (00:05:04) - Stabler More secure. And when that connection is stronger, everything else in the family benefits. And if you don't quite understand what I mean by that, just look at what happens when a family divorces. Divorce is devastating. It's traumatic to all involved, especially the children, right? The children are literally traumatized when a divorce takes place because that connection between mom and dad is supposed to be their strength or their source, rather, of strength and security. It's supposed to be the one thing they can rely on or the sort of defining factor for whether or not they are stable. I'll never forget this. I was at camp and I had there was a guy speaking. He was a very respected speaker, somebody that I really admired and really had an impact on me. And he was talking he had just had twin boys and he was talking about how his twin boys will stand there. They were two, two and a half years old at the time. They were literally stand there and watch him hug his wife like they'll be playing games.
Speaker 1 (00:06:09) - They'll be running around being crazy boys as boys are. But as soon as he started showing affection to their mom, his wife. The boys stop what they do, what they're doing, and they watch and they literally just suck their thumb and watch. Why? Because it is incredibly stabilizing for a toddler to see mom and dad happy in love, to see that the relationship is secure. It's that weird thing like we're kind of grossed out as as children, as kids by seeing our parents be all affectionate and lovey dovey with each other. And yet there's actually something that's incredibly stabilizing about it. So the first ripple of you getting free of porn is that the marriage becomes more stable. And because the marriage becomes more stable, your kids become more secure. And if your kids are more secure, they can conquer mountains. The second thing is the more direct implications. So let's think about this. If you sexualize and objectify women and then your daughter is going to become a woman one day, we can kind of see the dissonance that that's in that trajectory.
Speaker 1 (00:07:15) - Like that's not that's not a good place to be. There's a huge sense of hypocrite and be like a bit of an oxymoron there where it's like, Oh yeah, you know, I'm going to somehow, somehow teach this girl how to become a woman and to marry the man of her dreams or to marry like a really solid man. Meanwhile, my behavior behind closed doors is actually the complete opposite. It's objectifying women. It's sexualizing women, and it's doing the very things that I hope her future husband never does. So we we want to we want to eliminate that kind of hypocrisy and make sure that we are living, integrated with the morals, the values, the teachings of the Bible, the precepts of Scripture, and the desired outcome that we would have for our daughters. Same for your sons right now. Not not maybe not the exact same, but the concept is similar in the sense that your sons, they they will naturally look to you as a role model. And if you have things that are hidden, I just need to let you know that even though your son may not may not know it, he may not be able to label it.
Speaker 1 (00:08:23) - He will always feel the dissonance. It is felt. It doesn't have to be spoken. It is felt. I had a really good friend from from my grade school years. He to give you an idea of how good a friends we were when I moved, when I left that city and I left the school, he moved his birthday party a month early so that we could have we could celebrate his birthday before I moved. He was just an unbelievable friend and we were very close. And he really just big, hard, big hearted guy. And he was one of four kids. He was the oldest. His dad was a drywall and was in the trades and that kind of thing. And basically it surfaced a few years later that his dad had a full blown cocaine addiction. He was completely hooked. It happened through a bunch of different things. He kind of got hooked on pain medication first and it escalated. And then he sort of got wrapped up with some wrong dudes. He wound up being hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, and he died very young of liver failure and left this left his family behind.
Speaker 1 (00:09:22) - And the the interesting thing after after his dad died is there were stories that came out in the family that they they they they loved their dad. But they always kind of wondered if something was not quite aligned. There was nothing obvious, nothing obvious that would lead them to go and investigate, but just enough where something didn't quite feel right. And I have to let you know that every kid has that. Every kid has that little feeler that goes something to here isn't right. So your kid's already going to detect that. It's going to inhibit their trust. But worse off is we see this firsthand. Unfortunately, fathers in their 50, 6070s who then get caught having affairs or addicted to porn and how devastating that is for their sons because they they lose. It's not just that they lose like, oh, okay. I guess you're not as great of a role model as we thought. It's you lived a lie. Right. And that's incredibly devastating. And I want to conclude today's episode with this simple thought to sort of tie all this together.
Speaker 1 (00:10:25) - If you are a dad or you want to be a dad, this is particularly for you four sons. You are the template that they will copy. For daughters, you are the template that they will marry. So the onus is on you, my friend. It is on you to do your work, to deal with your stuff, to become the person God made you to be. That you may father, just as the father fathers us. That's the goal. Our our our job is to represent the father to our kids and to become the best reflection we can of God, the Father himself. And that means dealing with your stuff. It means getting free of sexual sin and quitting porn. It means apologizing early and often. When you make mistakes, it means protecting the sanctity of marriage. My goodness. Something that is lost in our society. Guys do these things. You will not just stand out, but you will create a multigenerational experience that replicates or at least reflects the values and virtues of the Bible, the things that Christ has taught us to live and to teach.
Speaker 1 (00:11:30) - So that's everything for today. Thank you so much for listening. I wish you an incredible day, guys. We'll talk soon. Bye bye. Hey, everybody, it's Thea again. Thanks for listening to Unleash the Man Within. I wanted to take a quick moment to let you know about a free e-book that I wrote for you called The Ultimate Guide to Porn Recovery. It provides a basic framework for the recovery process and a few of my top tips completely free of charge. You can get it now at WW recovery guide.com that's W WW alternate recovery guide. Com. Now if you've been impacted by the podcast and you want to show some support in less than 60s, there are three ways you can do that. First, you can leave a rating or review on your podcast platform. This lets people like you know that the content here is valuable. Secondly, you can share this episode with someone in your life that might benefit from the content. If you're passionate about helping other people experience freedom and success in their lives, this is one of the easiest ways to do that.
Speaker 1 (00:12:33) - And lastly, you can subscribe. I personally only listen to the podcast that I subscribe to. If you're seeking daily encouragement, guidance and insight in your recovery journey, I highly recommend subscribing to Unleash the Man Within. Thanks for listening. I look forward to connecting with you very, very soon.
Speaker 2 (00:12:51) - The information, opinions and recommendations presented in this podcast by Sathya, Sam and his guests are for general information only and should not be considered medical, clinical or any other form of professional advice. Any reliance on the information provided is done at your own risk.
