“He that jumpeth the highest haveth the most joy” – Proverbs 200 (NST).
February 2023 has officially passed, which means it is 7 years since my last relapse and I am so proud of myself I am literally jumping for joy.
For 15 years I lived in the throes of a devastating p*rn addiction.
During a majority of that time, I stayed silent. Isolated. Alone.
I couldn’t risk losing my reputation and relationships.
I thought I was the only one.
One day I couldn’t take it anymore.
I finally opened up to a friend - I was positive he was going to reject me. Our friendship would change forever. And he would tell EVERYONE.
But much to my surprise… he struggled too.
That was the start of a 5 year journey pursuing recovery.
It started with internet filters and accountability partners.
Then I thought I’d ramp up the spiritual disciplines.
But I kept plateauing. I would go a week here, or a month there, but eventually I wound up binging and “starting all...
Note: This is a 3 part email sequence, all the 3 parts have been compiled in this blog post. Each email is separately labeled
We have been getting a lot of questions about how p*rn specifically affects the brain, and something tells me you may have some of the same questions.
In case you didn't know – I was a university researcher for several years before becoming a local church pastor, so the whole neuroscience thing through a Biblical lens is kind of my jam .
The male brain is changing in some pretty disturbing ways these days. To give you an idea...
These alarming trends can all be accounted for by a concept...
Christmas has passed, but around here, Spring is the most wonderful time of the year.
The picture above is from 2011 – right around the time my recovery began.
Princess Jasmine was the closest thing I had to a girlfriend (that’s slightly exaggerated but not by much lol).
For real though – p*rn messed up how I viewed myself and how I viewed women.
I wanted to be in a long-term committed relationship one day, but I struggled to feel worthy.
And I also wondered if getting into a relationship would just make things worse.
On the flip side…part of me thought that maybe getting married would fix my problems. Having s*x regularly would satisfy any of the desires I have for p*rn, right?
Wrong. Oh, so terribly wrong.
Thank God a mentor of mine corrected me on that one.
“Marriage is a magnifier. If it’s a problem now, it will be worse later.”
FEBRUARY 2012 – I prayed a BOLD prayer: “God, whoever my future wife is – keep her from me...
Sunday is the most popular day to watch p*rn (according to P*rnHub the last few years).
Seems strange, doesn’t it?
Sundays are days to worship God, spend time with your community, relax, kick your feet up, etc.
So why is it that arguably the least structured and most relaxed day of the week would be such a stumbling block for so many people?
When I was a kid, one time I had the task of moving some bricks from one end of the backyard to the other.
Brick by brick was not a big deal. But I hated the last brick in the pile, because I never knew what I was going to find underneath it.
Sure, there was always dirt and grime. But it was the bugs I hated. Slugs, worms, etc.
Interesting to think they were there all along, I just didn’t see them until I moved the brick.
A lot of guys that have come to me over the years have resorted to staying busy to avoid temptation. It’s the only way they know how to cope.
While I do believe we are not to have idle hands, I also believe a...
What does it feel like to be completely free of p*rn and masturbation for 7 years?
I think the picture above perfectly sums it up lol!
Hard to believe that at one point in my life I was a hopeless addict, waking up each day praying to God that I would somehow make it to the end without a relapse.
I still remember one particular day while I was studying at my university. It was a long day and I was getting excited to go home and watch p*rn.
This was the only way I knew how to cope.
On my way home I got a text from a friend - a few people were hanging out and they asked me if I wanted to stop by.
I decided to pop by for a bit and say hi. It was great hanging out with everyone, but all along, I couldn’t wait to get home so I could get my “reward” for the day.
It’s borderline miraculous how much has changed since then.
These days my reward after a hard day of work is spending time with my gorgeous wife, hanging out with friends who encourage and...
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” – Matthew 7:7-8
Recently, a mentor of mine was explaining to me that if you were to look a bit more closely at the words used here - ask, seek, and knock - they are continuous.
It made me realize how many times in my life I have stopped short because I already asked a few times and nothing happened.
“Already tried that…didn’t work.”
“Maybe this sin of mine is just my thorn in the flesh”
“I’ve done a few recovery programs before, Sathiya… still struggling though.
Why knock again?”
Because he who KEEPS asking receives…
He who KEEPS seeking will find…
And to him who KEEPS knocking, the door will be opened…
Whether you’re just diving...
In August 2010, my Dad had invited a prophet to minister at our church.
It was the first time he had ever done anything like this before…the whole idea of God speaking present-moment was a huge stretch for our congregation.
But we wanted to see what the experience was like.
That night I received a word that absolutely changed my life. Among the many promises that were included in this prophetic word was a brief statement: “You will write books”.
I had always dreamt about being an author. The idea of having something to share that the world would want to read was invigorating.
“I’ll get around to it when I’m older.” I told myself.
But I had a realization in 2020.
I have been bad at basically everything the first time I tried. Whether it was sports, music, business, even academics where I have a natural gift.
I had to put the reps in to get better.
So if I know my first book will probably be mediocre compared to my 5th, why wait until...
If you had better hair, more muscles, a nicer car, a bigger house, more money, etc., THEN you would be happy.
THEN you would feel like a man.
THEN you would actually enjoy life.
I used to think this way too. And it wasn’t just the conditioning of mainstream media and marketing that caused it…
Recently a client confessed to us that he deals with major body shame because of pornography.
All of the men in porn are muscular, have little to no fat on their bodies, and are rather...um…endowed.
So he can’t help but feel like something is wrong with him. “My body should be better” he tells himself.
Whether you realize it or not, porn reprograms your brain to new standards that are totally unrealistic.
This is not just true in its depiction of sex, it’s also true in its depiction of what it means to be a man.
When I stopped watching porn back in February 2016, among the obvious changes to my spiritual, mental, and physical health, there was another...
Been thinking a lot about the whole idea of “waiting on God” thing lately…
I heard a friend recently say that about 78% of people report not being happy in their jobs.
There have been seasons where I would’ve put myself in that group. But these days, I am quite solidly in the 22%.
I am doing the things that I always imagined myself doing.
But you know what stopped me for the longest time?
Waiting on God.
I had SO many ideas and innovations. Ways that I could improve something or offer something new. But I thought I had to get a clear green light from God to take any steps forward.
But I’ve learned something recently … 2 Corinthians 1:20 says that all of God’s promises are yes and amen.
To me, that means the light is GREEN by default. Unless it turns red, proceed.
And that little shift in my thinking has launched me towards my destiny in ways that “waiting” never could.
A lot of the guys we work with tell us they wish they...
Every generation thinks they’re better than the last.
I am certainly guilty of thinking that my generation is superior to previous generations. Especially my parent’s gen.
And you could probably make an argument for that in some areas of life and society.
But most generations aren’t nearly as great as they think they are.
I realized this in my late 20s. And I more or less concluded that most generations are like every other generation.
They make some things better.
They make other things worse.
Most things stay the same.
And the next generation will do the exact same thing.
BUT in the last couple of years, I’ve realized that was wrong too.
The TRUTH is that every generation stands on the shoulders of previous generations. If we make anything better, it’s because previous generations put us in a position to do so.
And it’s our responsibility to do the same for the next gen.
The picture above was taken with a highly respected pastor in Northern...
We consulted hundreds of conversations, dozens of recoveries, and several scientific studies to identify 5 KEY practices every recovered man implements. If you are looking to get started on the recovery journey, this guide is for you.